Forbidden Love

Chapter 19

TW: this part will contain smut content so pls read at ur own risk :D (this is my first time writig smth like this so pls dont think it will be really good lol but i tried my best)

Day before my wedding...ive never been so nervous in my life, i feel my heart beating trough my chest and it wasnt becuse i was in love..it was becuse I was getting ready to be stuck with man i dont love for the rest of my life..but my mother decided this and she would want that so i have to do it. The maids finally dressed me up in ceremony dress, the dress was silk andred blue , They put alot of jewlery on me, i looked at myself in the mirror and sighed "you look beautifull sultana" one of the maids said and i smiled at her " thank you " I did look beautifull..with all that make up on and the beautfill dress i was wearing of course i did. It was ceremony time, it felt like deja vu from Mihirmahs wedding just i was the one who is getting married. everyone came exept for Mustafa and Mahidevran, i was a bit sad when they didnt show up..but its for the best, even my brothers Selim and bejazit came, I missed them alot and they grew up so well wich made me very happy  but unfortunetly they had to be in other chamber with males so i couldnt really be with them. Ceremony was was short or at least it seemed short since i didnt payed attention to most of it .  After ceremony was done and i went to my chamber i tought about the whole thing..maybe this will be ok? i mean ill have a child and maybe ill stop thinking about Mustafa so much, i tried thinking of the best things that this wedding can bring but unfortunetly the list was quite short for my liking. 

Day of the wedding is here and im not ready , as soon as i woke up i felt sick to my stomach like im gonna throw up but i had to fight that feeling off and do this. I was put in gorgeous blue dress and blue veil covering my face, i then sat on bed waiting to be called by maid so i can go...i felt nervous and sad i just wanted my mother next to me..i started tearing up at the tought of her not being here with me. Then all of a sudden Afiffe Hatun walked in my chamber "sultana? are you ready?" I looked up at her and shook my head " im not..i cant do this..this is wrong i need my mother with me " i brusted into tears after saying that and Afiffe came and higged me " you are strong woman Hieren Sultan, you can do this...your mother would be so proud of you for doing this " she said while still hugging me and she was right, im doing all of this for her anyway "youre right.." i whispered before getting up " lets go.." i nodded and wiped my tears and we walked in my mothers chamber where everyone was at not including my mother unfortunetly. I walked in and everyone looked at me, even my brothers were there "Hieren" Selim said before coming to me and hugging me i hugged back before saying " hello brother" and i could feel him stroke my hair gently as i layed my head on his shoulder, then i saw Bayazit aproaching us and joining the hig " im suprised Mustafa didnt show up, he would never miss something like this, you are his sister after all" Selim said and i froze " yeah i was expecting him here" bayazit said and i broke the hug " i dont think we should talk about him..he probobly got busy.." i said sadly "yeah but its his siters wedding and-" " i said lets not talk about him!" i yelled and they stood there in shock "im sorry..im just nervous" i apologized and went to sit next to chihangir, we talked for awhile before our dinner finally came and we started eating.

The wedding is over, its all over now i cant run away anymore..im stuck now..I was moved to my new palace and dressed in white dress with another veil covering my face..the maid were all over the room, some lighting the candles and some preparing me for the night, for some people wedding are happy but right now all im feeling is emptyness and saddness. I started hearing foot steps coming closer to the room..i knew who it was..i got nervous again..i wasnt ready for this..i dont think i ever will be..i couldnt even cry anymore (srry for being dramatic). Then the door opened and the man whos now my husband walked in and the maids walked out leaving us alone, he walked closer to me and smiled "my Sultana" he said with soft voice and i looked up at him before he gently took the veil off my face and stared at me for some time " you look beautifull..and youre all mine now" he said before placing his hands on my face and  getnly rubbed my bottom lip with his thumb, i just stared at him blankly but he didnt care he just started kissing me softly while holding me, he was rougher than Mustafa but still passionate, i would lie if i said i didnt enjoy it but it just wasnt the same..and it happened..we both layed in bed and i layed my head on his chest resing "i promise ill take care of u my sultana" Bali bey said while caressing my hair " thank you.." was all i said before falling asleep.

Me and Bali Beg has been married for year now, we still dont have a kid unfortunetly. I tried so hard to love him and to forget about Mustafa but i just keep thinking about him over and over again and i think Bali Beg noticed i dont love him and he became more cold towards me. Im laying in our shared bed reading a book and its middle of the night and he still isnt home " where is he "  i asked myslelf before our chamber door opened revealing very drunk Bali Beg " Malkocolo!" i yelled before getting up and walking over to him bit he pushed me away " get lost" he said " how dare you speak to me that way!? i am be ur wife but im still Sultana!" i said very angry " i know, you keep reminding me every day " he rolled his eyes and sat on bed " its middle of the night! where have you been !?" i asked and he ignored and and started getting ready for bed " MALKOCOLO ANSWER ME!" i screamed "U DONT HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IM DOING!" he screamed back and i was suprised, he never screamed at me well i mean he is drunk now so thats probbobly why "im youre wife! i should know"  " if youre my wife then why dont you love me? why dont you show me affection? why dont you want kids with me?" he asked and got closer to me " i never said i dont want kids " i answered simply and he chuncked and backed away "it shows tho " he shook his head and layed in bed, i layed next to him and turned off the candle that was still on and was ready to fall asleep when all of sudden i feel hand hugging my waist and pulling me closer to his body " lets have baby then..." he whispered in my ear and i gasped softly " i.." he started kissing my neck and i bit my lip " its late..we should sleep " I whispered and he traveled his hand down to my leg and started caressing it " i dont think so.." he whispered back before turning me around and kissing me hungriy yet gently, i kissed him back before he slid down my slik night dress and started kissing my chest area, I moned softly and layed my head on the pillow behind me and ran my fingers trough his soft hair, he then went back up and started kissing me again while taking off his pants, i wrapped my legs around his waist and he pushed in me, i moaned loudly and he started thrusting  me while kissing me.  Soon it was over and we both layed down breathing havey when Baly suddenly said " i love you my Hieren" i said it back but not sure if i ment it or not, then i layed my head on his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek " goodnight " i smiled and we both fell asleep.