Boo'd Up (Kendrick Lamar love story)

Grudges Break

What is life right now?

It's definitely weird. I'm so used to talking Kendrick but I haven't really talked to him nor have I seen him since the day I left him. He's since been on tour. I'm realizing it's just too much energy to carry anger.

For the most part, we text each other to talk about Mila but really nothing more. That week he was home before touring, while I worked or was out and about, he'd either visit Mila or take her out for the day. We missed each other each time.

The last day he was here, he brought Mila back home a little late. I'd hope to see him off and wish luck on the tour but he didn't even come inside. He handed Mila off to mama when she opened the door and left.

I had hope we would get through this but it doesn't feel that way.

It's crazy because it makes me feel like I'm the one who did something wrong when in reality, it's him that's in the wrong. I did what was right for me, why do I feel guilty?

Simple, I miss him. I call myself trying to push him away but he's still my best friend. I wonder if he misses me as much as I do him.

When he left for tour, Mila and I went back to our place. When I stood in front of the door, I was scared to open the door. Dave had sent me pictures of Kendrick's destruction...

Shock is an understatement.

He trashed the whole place, even our bedroom. The only places he didn't touch was Mila's room and my filming room. But it's all been cleaned up.

When I went inside, not only was everything cleaned, it was refurnished. Dave said Kendrick tried to replace what he could. I had to chuckle because Dave is now our little messager. It was foreign but it wasn't bad.

Maybe it's the Libra in me but I can't help but put myself in his shoes. He's gone through unimaginable loss while being overseas and he comes back home to a handful of his friends gone and having to go to their funerals, his girlfriend and daughter being in the hospital, and the Hip-Hop industry having this love/hate relationship with him after the release of Control back in August. East coast, especially. It made him more popular though but I'm pretty sure it was a lot.

It echos in my head of those nights I've heard him crying.

Apparently, Kendrick and Drake are beefing. I still don't know the full story behind that but I'm pretty sure it's testosterone. I saw Drake's interview where he said Kendrick would never be on his level. I roll my eyes. Who's the better rapper? Who's the most popular? Who's the most relevant? Who can get the most girls? Who's house is bigger? Blah blah blah.

Look, I may be bias when I say this but Drake is probably the most popular yeah, because he's been out longer BUT Kendrick is the guy. I've never understood Drake's hype but it is what it is. Kendrick doesn't need a ghost writer to speak, think or write for him, he has mind of his own. I prefer my baby daddy but that's just me. And Mila too.

I don't know if it's a joke or not but Drake has been in my DMs like a fucking weirdo. If it was a few years ago, before Kendrick, I'd probably feel flattered but not now. He's trying to be funny and I'm not entertaining it. Anyways...

Mila has been so cranky and I know it's because she misses her daddy. She's refusing naps, she's not eating as much, and she wants to be held all the time. I can't put her down for anything. This is why I wish I had known about the tour sooner because I had a feeling this would happen. Mila is such a daddy's girl. She's most behaved with Kendrick.

He'd been gone for almost a week and she's still restless. I'm tired as hell. Baby girl is a work but I'm doing the best I can. I have patience and I understand because I miss her daddy too.