Boo'd Up (Kendrick Lamar love story)

Only Up From Here

January 2015...

Lord, where do I begin?

So much has happened within the last couple of years. 2013 was a horrible experience for me and my family. But in the end, I gained my beautiful mini me, I graduated college, and I opened my first salon. Mila has been my best blessing. There was a time I thought I wasn't ready to be a mother but now, she's my pride and joy. I can't imagine life without my baby.

We all know what happened in 2013 but leading into 2014 was no better. As y'all remembered, I was pregnant with my second baby. Although I was going through a rough time, which I later found out was Post Partum Depression, I still full on expected to have my baby.

But the thing is, I wasn't taking care of myself like I was supposed to. I couldn't eat, sleep, rest but I was tired all the time. I cried so much. I was overwhelmed with sadness I had no control over. With that being said, I suffered a miscarriage almost 5 months into my pregnancy.

I felt bad...more like shit but I was not myself. I let myself go. I still carried guilt for laying with another man while I was pregnant. But all in all, it made me realize that I needed to regroup. I'm going back to therapy and I'm taking medication to help with the anxiety and depression.

Kendrick and I are still together and going strong. He's been my strongest support system through it all and tries his best to be there. Even when those times where he grew frustrated with me because he couldn't get through to me. He remained by my side, after everything we took the time to heal and grow from our mistakes, and we actually tried this time to better ourselves as individuals. As a couple, a family.

As heartbreaking as it was to go through that miscarriage and we were on the rocks for a little bit, he never once blamed me. He never once gave up on me and it was appreciated because he knew I wasn't myself. No matter how hard I tried to be better, to be more present, it was not me at the end of the day.

With careful consideration about my mental health, I had to put me first and think about my well-being.

My career has been flourishing, regardless of everything that I was going through personally. I sung at the Super Bowl, which was beyond thrilling itself, and it only made me a bigger personality within the industry. People wanted interviews. They wanted to sponsor me. They wanted to invest in me. It seemed like everyone wanted my voice more than anything.

As promising as those opportunities were, I had to think about myself first. Seeing my dad be so proud of me for using my voice, I had to choose me.

It was never my dream to sing or be in the spotlight. That may sound crazy to most because I had an opportunity that many people wish they could have, but it's not my dream. No matter how hard I try to take advantage of the opportunity, it just doesn't fulfill me. It didn't feel right. It only makes me feel like a fake.

I love to sing but only for fun. Like when I'm having an intimate moment with my Milagro or I'm just happy and I feel like hitting a tune or two. It's my personal joy. Call me selfish but my voice is for me and the people around me. If my dad wants to hear me sing, I'm always here to do so for him. I don't need to be on a stage to sing.

My real dreams includes my salon, which has been beyond successful to the point of me being able to multiply and have different locations throughout California. And within a year, I managed to have multiplied Kay Li's Salon to three other locations. The main and first one is in LA, one in Malibu, one in Beverly Hills, and in San Francisco. With all 4 locations being successful so far, I'm even considering venturing out to other states all over the country.