Boo'd Up (Kendrick Lamar love story)

Mila Rose 🥀 (Interlude)

Aww, my sweet Mila Rose.

She's the most adorable little thing in the world. I can't tell you how blessed I am to be her mommy. I can't stop looking at her. And when she finally was taken off the ventilator and I was able to hold her, I didn't want to let her go.

When I held her for the first time and she looked at me, my heart literally bursted. I started releasing happy tears. Kendrick, who was admiring us next to me, had tears too. I wanted her all to myself but daddy wanted some lovin too.

And just when I thought my heart couldn't take no more. Seeing Kendrick hold Mila, ughhhh! I'm gonna cry again. I have a little family now. I'm just so filled with love. I'm so in love.

She's so sweet and quiet. It's funny because right off the bat, everyone kept saying she favored me the most. Mama said she's a quiet baby like I was. Kendrick said that's what's making him even more obsessed with her because she does favor me. I literally birthed my mini me. It's too cute.

But she does have Kendrick's lips and eyebrow angles. I see little things like that.

I was surprised by the amount of hair she had. Explains the occasional heartburn. And her little nose. And awww, her little feet and hands.

I'm just in love with her! 😭💕

But anyways, a few weeks after I woke up, I was released but baby girl had to stay. Then a few weeks after me, she was taken off the ventilator and successfully, was breathing on her own. She was taken to the nursery where Kendrick and I was able to hold her for the first time.

She's now 2 months old and healthy as ever. Her sight and hearing is on point. She has all 10 of her finger and toes. She's still small but healthy.

Kayla finally gave birth as well to a little baby girl mid September. She was named Alexis Starr Duckworth. She's so adorable too. As expected, the father decided to not be involved. Kayla hasn't seen nor heard from him since that night I picked her up. He just vanished. Fucking coward.

Eventually, we were able to take Mila home. I finished her nursery just in time before everything went down. Since I didn't get to have my baby shower, Tasha and Evon decided to keep plans intact and just have a post baby shower instead.

It was set a few weekends after we brought her home. It was a nice little gathering of close friends and family meeting our little Mila.

Gianna with Mila, ughhh too adorable. It dawned on me that Kendrick named Mila after Gianna. Both of their middle names is Rose. I asked Kendrick if he realized he did that. He said Gianna adapts to change quicker when she relates to someone or have some sort of connection.

He said she connected with mama and I because we speak her native language. Himself because they share a birthday. My dad because he knows how to play Spanish guitar. I did notice Gigi's friends share the same favorite colors, foods, and share the same background. Now Mila, they share the same middle name. Gianna was flattered to know such fact and is in love with her.

Wow, Kendrick really pays attention.

Speaking of Kendrick, he's been acting strange and overly...clingy. Not the cute clingy he usually is. He doesn't let me or Mila out of his sight. It's like he's scared I'm gonna run off with her something.

But I understand, he almost lost us. Mentally and emotionally, I know he's going through it. I've tried to get him to go to therapy but he's not interested. He's been keeping it all in and acting like he's fine. He's a ticking bomb bound to explode, that's what I see.

Another thing, I noticed Kendrick depends physical activity to relieve himself. Although I'm healing, I'm still fragile. He wants more but I can't give it to him so he's super affectionate in other ways. Cuddling, hugging, spooning, kissing, oral sex. It's like a craving of his.

I feel kinda bad because I can't please him right now.

I'm scared he's gonna change his mind about wanting me but he hasn't shown any signs of such thing. It's opposite, in fact. In due time, we'll be intimate again.

My shoulder and my hand have been healing nicely. My little C-section scar had gotten infected while I was in the hospital so some cleaning needed to be done before I was stitched back up. It restarted the healing process so yeah...

I went to go see my damaged car. I have no memory of what actually happened, only what I remembered but I refuse to tell anyone about it. Seeing my car completely destroyed, I'm surprised me and baby girl are alive as well but I still didn't remember. We went to where it all happened and where I was found. A detective relayed the scene of what happened to me. It's crazy hearing what happened but still, I didn't remember.

I'm lowkey ok with that. With what I remembered, that was more traumatic then the actual events. And in due time, I'll force myself to forget. Not too much because I want to remind my baby how she got her name but Jamal will forever be dead to me.

I tried my hardest to forgive and move on but no. He took innocent lives, he tried to kill me and my baby, all because he hated Kendrick. I can't forgive that. Gang related or not, it's unforgivable.

He has multiple permanent restraining orders put on him, including Mila and Kendrick but I was reassured, Jamal is done. He's not getting out. I hope they're right because he's been an ongoing nightmare. I just want him gone.

Vanessa was detained but they didn't have enough evidence towards her and she claims she had no part of it. The only thing she confessed to, was when she had her friends harass me through Instagram but they stopped when they realized it wasn't worth it. She only did it because she was jealous of me being pregnant by Kendrick. So she was let go but we also put a restraining order on her as well.

Mila and I have received so much love since. Social media, news outlets, celebrity friends sending flowers and much needed things for Mila. The most shocking one for me was getting flowers and a gift basket from Beyoncé and Jay-Z. I didn't fangirl, luckily, but I did cry tears of joy because what is this life?

Rihanna kept her promise and attended our post baby shower. She even held Mila. Like everyone else, she was in awe of Mila. Our little Milagro. With agreement from Kendrick, we made Tasha and Evon, Mila's godmothers.

They've been all over her anyways, it was only right. I can't look at Tasha the same. She'll never know why but I literally went through grief after mentally, losing my best friend. That vision refuse to leave me.

It hurts me even more knowing Kendrick actually did lose his friends and he's actually grieving. I'm gonna do my best to be there for him. I just wish he'd talk to me. He refuses therapy but he doesn't want to at least, talk to me about it.

I see him talking, smiling, laughing, showing off our baby to everyone. It makes me smile to see him be such proud father but I know the truth. He's hiding his truth.

I'm truly concerned for him.