Boo'd Up (Kendrick Lamar love story)

Emotional Wreck P2

I feel like a mess because I've felt this low or tired in my life. Depression and life these days are kicking my ass.

What makes things even more emotional is that Mila all of a sudden started craving my attention. She wants me to hold her and love on her, it's like she knows I'm not myself right now.

It's later in the week and I'm supposed to take Mila with me to go see Kendrick in Anaheim in a few days but all I've been doing is sleeping and being sick. I can't to bring myself to want to do anything and I keep getting sick to my stomach.

At first, I thought it was depression but my symptoms feel too familiar and physical but more intense. I'm gaining weight, my breast is swelling up...I have a feeling and that makes matters worse because I gave my body to another man who wasn't Kendrick and I...

I jump out of bed and ran to the bathroom in my room. I threw up in the toilet and after some time, I felt hands rub on my back comfortingly. I already knew it was my mom. I hadn't been back to my place since my breakdown. All I feel is guilt and I know the minute I see Kendrick, I'm gonna break.

I started to cry for the umpteenth time. Mama went to get me a cool rag to help me calm my nerves. She knows everything and I begged her to not say a word to daddy because the last thing he needs to hear is about his daughter sleeping around and could possibly be pregnant again.

My parents have been helping me with Mila. Everytime I hold her, I cry. When I'm away from her and I hear her cries, my heart breaks. I can't even be strong for my baby because my emotions are getting in the way and I can't control them to save my life. I know she's young and doesn't fully understand what's going on but emotionally, I think she knows I'm broken and I don't want to cry in front of her anymore.

God, I hate feeling weak.

Everyone keep saying it's ok to take some time but it doesn't make me feel better about any of this. I'm falling apart and I'm a disgrace. I can't even take care of my baby.

I felt the cold rag being placed on my back, which instantly sent shivers through my body but it felt nice.

"Baby, I know you don't want to go to the doctor but you need to get checked out. You can't keep going like this. It's killing me seeing you like this and not being able to really do anything. Especially, when you and I both know that there might be a chance-."

I cut her off," Mama, please."

"Look, I know how you feeling but we can't ignore this and you know it. If you are pregnant, we can't just pretend there's not another life involved. This isn't healthy, Kay."

I started sobbing again," What if it's not his? He's gonna be upset."

She sighed," He probably will be upset but listen, for one, y'all technically aren't together so it's not like you cheated on him which we can't say for him. Secondly, whether or not it's Kendrick's, whether or not you are pregnant, you are still a mother. Mila misses her mommy and your mommy can't stand seeing you like this anymore. You're carrying guilt for no reason. I get you love Kendrick but he hurt you first and even then, you're so worried about hurting him when you've done nothing wrong. You are stronger than this, Krystella. I love Kendrick too but you are my daughter and I refuse to let you continue to beat yourself up over a man who's more than willing to drop his pants for another woman. This is only a bump in the road, it's gonna get better. You have so much going for you, stop putting your life on hold and dwelling over something that's already been done. But first things first, you are going to the doctor and you are going to take a pregnancy test. Then we're going to teach you to stop being such a people pleaser. People take advantage of people like you. You need to learn to put yourself first and know how to say no and MEAN IT. You lose yourself, nothing you have going is gonna be functional then you definitely won't have anything. Stand up, take a deep breath, make it 2 of them, and keep going. Life is too short to be crying over mistakes. Learn from them and keep it pushing. Do you understand me?"