Never Summer Again

Chapter Thirteen - The Game

Score: Escapism - RAYE, 070 Shake

Lydia

For the next two weeks, I do a fairly decent job at keeping the promise I made to myself. I manage to get quite a bit of revision done. I keep my resolve to stay out of trouble and away from Mark. The world seems to be moving on, as usual, without concern for my internal battles, and the first A-Level has come and gone and, despite being completely out of it, I feel like I have smashed it. It was Bio, though, the easiest one and the one I have had the least concerns about.

After the exam, Patrick left with his parents for France, to prepare the boat for the new sailing season. Our relationship's definitely gone...weird since that night at the restaurant. Every time I even look at him, I feel like filth. And it's not only about cheating on him. It's about how I'd used him to make myself feel better after the argument we had with Mark on the stairs.

I can't believe I did this to Patrick...

I'm keeping my resolve to work on our relationship. We have been talking on the phone every day since he left for France, and I even promised him I'd reconsider going on the sailing trip.

Other people have noticed that things have gone weird between us. Even people outside our close-knit circle. Freaking Greg, whom I've talked to five times for all our years in school, asked me if there was trouble in Paradise, after our exam. Gloria and Alex have also been asking if everything's alright. And all that's done, is make me feel like shit even more.

I can't really talk to anyone about this. Guilt has been eating away at me ever since that night. I feel like I've been carrying this load around my neck, dragging me down, suffocating me with my every step.

On the bright side, it's officially June now, and the fact that summer is, truly upon us, is helping me feel a little less miserable. However, June means Gloria's birthday, and now that he is here for the summer, Gloria's birthday means seeing Mark. And, seeing Mark is against every single self-imposed rule I've put on myself recently.

Because, despite all my efforts, and the good-girl act I have going on right now, I keep going back to that night in his car, when I am lying in bed at night. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to be able erase the memory of his heated breath on my body. It feels like his touch is seared into my skin. For that, I hate myself so, so much.

Even though I haven't contacted him, I also feel hurt that he hasn't reached out to me at all since the day we talked on the street. My heart gets filled with pain, every time I go back to our last conversation. How bitter he was. His words, full of bile. How he said we weren't even friends anymore.

We've been friends for as long as I can remember. How could we be so stupid, ruining it all that night in his car? Is he angry at me for what happened that night?

Oh, God, does he think I am a raging slut? Yet, he's the one, who kissed me first...

So, when the day finally comes, I am more than a tad nervous to go to Gloria's birthday party.

Which is today.

Gloria's birthday parties have always been epic. As her birthday is on the day of the Summer Solstice, the parties have almost always been held at the estate, even before she officially moved there with her mom and Petra after her parents divorced. It is usually the last epic party of the school year before everyone goes on vacation with their families.

When we were younger, Glo'd get themed parties with the trendiest Disney characters, chocolate fountains, and mountains of her favourite Victoria sponge cake. Then, as we grew older, her parties became wilder. Champagne and cocktails would flow freely, dancing would carry on till dawn and only God knows what had been happening behind the closed doors of the many guest bedrooms of the house.