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Have you ever try to end your own life?

They say owns life is important. We are here because we have a purpose and footprints to make, but no one tell me that living this life is too much can scar you. Pero hindi hihinto ang mundo dahil pagod ka o nanghihina, patuloy parin ito sa pag-iikot kahit wasak na wasak ka na. So, meaning to say - you only have yourself 'till the end of the day so be your own hero.

"Ionna, hindi ka ba napapagod?" our assistant manager asked me.

Lumapit ako sa counter para kunin ang order ng isang customer ng restaurant na pinag-tatrabahuhan ko. I smirked at her question.

"Sa dami ng problema ko wala na ako panahon para mapagod," I answered. 

Umalis ako at dinala ang order nang mabalik ako ay andun parin siya habang pinagmamasdan ako. Naiinis ako sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin. 

"Naawa ako sa'yo, kung anak lang sana kita hindi kita pababayaan ng ganito." may lambing sa kanyang mga tinig.

Pumikit ako ng mariin. 

Awa? How can she pity me if she's struggling more than I did?

"Kung anak mo ako, ako na mismo ang lalayas sa puder mo," I said without hesitation. 

"Ikaw, salbahe kang bata ka!" she hissed.

Inaalila niya ang mga anak niya at binebenta sa online ampunan. Every kid worth 1k up depend on the parent of the child and adopter. It is spread throughout the county. Some are highlighted and arrested by policemen but there are those site that has been backed up by higher ups. How can this parents sell their own child as it is not their own blood and flesh? As much as I want to report to the authority, who am I to do so? Isa lang ako mag-aaral na sapilitan namulat sa reyalidad at bulok na kalakaran ng mundo.

"Ionna, sira ka ba? Bakit mo 'yun sinabi? Kapag ka tinaggal dito saan ka pupulitin? Paano ang pag-aaral mo?" Jane harshly asked while cleaning the table.

 "Ang lakas ng mga tao maawa sa iba, samantala hindi magawang maawa sa sarili nila. I hate when they pity me." 

Hindi na ako ang mahinang Ionna na minsan niwasak ng mundo. I've changed. And people are right when they told us, that after storm we change ourselves but there are those people who left carrying the burden and scar that the storm brought us. Sila ang napag-iwanan at nagdala ng sugat sa matagalang panahon."

"Ne, ilan ba ang trabaho mo?" tanong ng isang customer na babae sa table na pinagsisilbihan ko.

"Lima po," magalang kong sabi.

Bakas ang gulat sa kanyang mukha. "Ne, may alam akong trabaho na malaki ang pera." tiningnan niya ako ulo hanggang paa at kuninang ang kanyang pera na para ba nakakita siya sa akin ng pera sa pamamagitan ng katawan ko. "Kung giling lang at buka, may dolyar ka na," 

Hindi ko mapigilan ang magalit. Ilang beses ko pinapaki-usapan ang sarili ko na kumalma.

"I'm not into that field,"

Hindi ko minamaliit ang nasa ganun na kalagayan at trabaho, we have our own perspective and path we choose. We also have our own reason why we did things. I just simply want to pursue other path and break the premises. 

"Ang yabang mong bata ka, wala ka na nga magulang at pamilya choosy ka pa," galit niyang sabi."

Akmang sasampalin na niya ako ng dumating ang manager namin.

"Ano ang nangyayari dito?!" bakas ang kahihiyan at awtoridad sa kanyang boses.

Agad na sinalubong siya ng assitant manager namin at hinaplos ito sa kanyang braso na hindi alintana ang madaming tao na nagmamasid. "Hambog na bata 'yan. Paulit-ulit ako ininsulto. Ilang beses ko na ba sayo sasabihin na tanggalin mo na ang bata na 'yan dito." inis na sumbong nito sa manager namin.

Agad din tumayo ang customer namin at agad na pinuntahan ang manager namin. "Tama, mabuti pa at tanggalin mo ang bata na 'yan dito. Pati ba naman ako na suki niyo dito ay ininsulto," she said in anger.

Malaking tao at kalbo ang manager namin. Pinagmasdan niya ako ng ulo hanggang paa. He smirked. "Ionna, go to my office and we will talk regarding your behavior," he said full of authority.

I had no doubt about following him in the opisa. When he made sure we had only two people in the office he immediately broke the door.

"Sir, it's not my intention to insulted them. The customer, I respectfully declined her offer." pagpapaliwanag ko sa kanya.

I don't know how many times I've begged just to live. If I lose my job, it will be difficult for me to continue in college especially if I'm pushing to become a lawyer after I've just finished my pre-law.

"I can keep you here and raise your wages, if you follow my wishes." he said.

He came up to me and started to move his unkesy hand around my arm. Even though I wanted to calm down I was wrapped in fear.

"Gusto kita tikman," a evil smile escaped in his lips.

I fell in horror and panic. I felt weak in my eyes and cried. He came up to me and forced my clothes off. In panic I immediately took the vase and hit his head. I watched him grin. I saw blood coming out of his forehead and in a state of panic that I quickly left his office. I went to the restaurant full of people, I felt like they looking at me. With both hands I wrapped myself up and left.

Habang tarantang paalis ay hindi ko sinasadyang may nasagi ako. Natatakot akong humingi ng tawad. Hinawakan niya ako sa balikat ko at sapilitan tiningnan ang aking mukha. I feel him stiffened. Unti-unti ko inangat ang paningin ko sa kanya at laking gulat ko na makita siya.

"What the fuck happened?" bakas ang galit at pagtataka sa kanyang mukha. I saw how his jaw aggressively moving and breathe hardly.

Using his bare and cold hand, he wipe my tears and angrily looked at my back.

Ramdam ko ulit ang panginginig ng aking katawan. 

"Ionna! Hayop kang bata ka!" puno ng galit na sigaw ng manager namin sa likod ko.

Kahit nakalabas na ako ng restaurant ay nasa amin parin ang tingin ng mga tao sa loob.

"I will sue you for hurting me physical and you're fired!" sigaw muli nito sa harapan ko.

"Sue me?" I laughed without humor. "Ikaw ang dapat ko ipakulong. Muntik mo na ako galawin kong hindi lang ako sa'yo nakatakas!"

"Wala kang pamilya na iiyak at maghahanap sayo kaya kahit patayin kita ngayon ay wala parin mangyayari. Wala nakakita ng ginawa ko at wala ka magagawa dahil kaya ko bayaran ang batas." he smirked at me.

Hindi ako mapaniwalang tinitigan siya. 

"I'm giving you 10 hours to live your life," walang emosyon na sabi ni Nicco sa likuran ko. Hinila niya ang kamay ko at isinakay sa kotse niya. 

Habang nagmamaneho siya ay bakas parin ang galit sa kanyang mukha. Magkasalubong ang kanyang mga kilay at tiim bagang siya minsan pinagmamasdan ako.

"We have agreement, remember?" seryoso niyang sabi.

I bit my lower lip to hide my emotion. "I'm not anyone's responsibility, Sir." 

Mas dumilim ang mukha niya dahil sa huling sinabi ko.

"Have you forgot that you sign a contract under me?" he teased me but the irritation remains in his face.

Paano ko makakalimutan? He shelter me until I learn to fight for my own life and decided to take my revenge by being a lawyer.

"I need my wife, now." he commanded.    

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