As it was

Chapter 3

I love how he always listened to my cries and my problems, prince does too but I feel like he's been also going through he's own things and I don't want him to stress over this. I keep this to myself, the fact that I actually enjoyed my call with dad. When I got home I saw a missed call from Jaden's mom. She's the sweetest. For a moment I froze because in the past she would only call me because of Jaden's health. I quickly call her back. "Hi mum, how are you?" I say in panic. "Hi Aliyah, I miss you so much when are you coming to visit" she says in the sweetest voice. I don't know what to tell her honestly. "I would love too but Jaden and I aren't on speaking terms" I tell her. "You're not coming for him. You're coming to see me" she says. She makes a good point. We talk about some other stuff and I really enjoyed it. I wonder if Jaden told his mom to call me. I doubt, he doesn't think of that plus she really likes me so.
There are times I wonder why I'm the way I am. It's really strange, I'm strange. I like the weirdest things honestly like how much I love ice cream but if it isn't in a cone and it isn't vanilla I won't eat it. My mom says I'm very picky and I completely agree I don't eat lot of food types just because I wouldn't like the taste of it even though I don't know what it tastes like lol. Honestly I don't do certain things because I'm scared of failing, example school I always get good grades but for me they are never enough I always compare myself to other people. It's annoying. I hate the way I walk, talk, look and basically everything about myself. A lot of people tell me that they love my body but I just think they are being nice. Other times I feel like I'm the shit, like I'm the hottest person on earth. It happens rarely. If my body could talk and leave me, it would. I do certain things to myself and body that I don't even like at times. I barely eat, I self-harm myself a lot, especially when I'm insecure about my body. Or when I eat a lot and end up regretting I put my toothbrush down my throat so that I throw up all the food I eat. It's sick I know. People don't understand me especially when it comes to my body. Body shaming isn't something that goes away even if you're joking, a lot of people have opinions about my body, and I don't even know who to listen too. "Your body is perfect the way it is Aliyah" "why do you starve yourself, you look so perfect" and there are other times they say "Aliyah you've gained so much weigh" " are you sure you don't weigh 300kgs?". What I've learnt is that people have everything to say about you, it's how you look at yourself that matters, not me though. It's complicated. I think I'm a weird child, I think of weird stuff, most of the time I just say it all in my head so that people don't think I'm crazy and take me to the mental hospital. Two more weeks until schools open again urrggghh I think I should just kill myself, I hate that place. Craig's academy is the worst place on earth. The only good thing about it is that I'll have money, mom always gives me a lot of money for school. Every holiday charity and I try to be with each other as much as possible. Willow and charity don't like each other so whenever I hang with one of them the other one will not be there. I get it, all my friends have different personalities. Whenever I'm with willow I forget all my worries, she's the funniest human being I've met before, she makes me forget that I'm shy. When I'm with charity I become so happy, she makes me so happy, I have a little crush on her, she's so pretty and she never notices that. She calls herself ugly, I wish she saw herself from my point of view. While willow thinks she is the hottest person in this world. Maybe that's why they don't get along, they are complete opposites of each other. When I'm with prince  (which is most of the time) I act like a baby, he's like a big brother to me, always taking care of me and fixing the messes I do. Naya on the other hand is so funny, she'll literally turn anything into a joke. She's so relatable, I love how she's so honest at times she too honest. I'm so grateful for my friends. I like having these friends, they are amazing plus if you go to Craig's academy you'd know that no one is your friend there, they are all fake to each other. I don't speak to a lot of people at school, I mostly spend lunch and break in class looking at people pass. At times it's boring but since I'm anti-social it's cool. At times I write or go through Instagram and tiktok, we aren't allowed to carry our phones to school yet I do. Usually at lunch time I listen to summer walker, she's the best. I shake whenever I speak to people yet I do. People think I'm a very social person just because I talk to people freely. I usually think 200 times before saying something in my head. I just hide it better. A lot of people know me and I know them too. I speak to them, people get so offended when I say I don't like people.