As it was

Chapter 12

I barely slept because of what happened last night. I'm home alone which isn't a surprise so I decide to lay on my bed the whole day. I spend the day just thinking about Jaden and what would happen if we did it again, one last try. I feel like if we both put more effort we can do this, but then again what's the point of trying with someone who can't do that. One last try I tell myself all the time but I always find myself going back because I got more addicted. I don't really know what he wants from me. Is it because he knows I'll always go back? I can't keep on doing this to myself, putting myself in a situation that is slowly breaking me. During the day I don't think about it too much.
Incoming call from 💜
It's funny how everything about him makes my heart happy and ache at the same time. I looked at my phone for so long that my phone stopped ringing, which is good because honestly I wouldn't know what to say if I picked up. I would probably cry or something like that.
Prince calls me minutes later and I don't tell him about Jaden's message and call because I didn't want him to over react or anything like that. While I was on a call with prince Jaden calls again. "Prince lemme call you back okay? Love you" I said. Then I quickly cut and picked up his call. I realized that call would probably be the best or worst call ever and I wasn't ready for either of them. "Hey Susari" he calls out to me. "Hi" I replied. We talked for over 2 hours and to be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought. We talked as friends which was the first time we didn't talk about our relationship. "Let's go out on a date" he said randomly. I thought about it a lot.
I think this time it'll be different." Okay but let's take it slow this time" I said and he agreed. I told him about everything that's been going on in my life and he told me some things. He's more of a listener than a speaker. He doesn't like talking about himself but I wouldn't mind listening to him talk all day. Honestly I'm at my happiest when I'm with Jaden. I get a notification from my mom saying that she'll be late so I decided to sleep on the call with Jaden. It felt good, it's been long. I slept very well and I was thinking of how to tell prince because he wouldn't approve and I just wanted to disappear. I didn't even know how to start. I decide to text him instead and he replied with "do what you want Aliyah". I don't think I'll argue with him because I know he's right.
Two day later things are still good with Jaden and we haven't argued or anything like that. I still haven't spoken to prince, I feel like he's pissed off. I would also honestly. It's like I never learn.
Today I didn't get time to speak to Jaden, I've been busy with school. During lunch today one of the girls in my class asked if I've gotten back together with Jaden. I hate the fact that he's known by everyone, a good definition of an f boy. "Yeah, why? What's up?" I asked. "I'm just wondering because he told one of my friends that they should get back together but take things slow" she said. My smile quickly faded and I felt like I was going to melt or cry, either way it wasn't going to be good. The fact that the story is believable because it's Jaden. My anxiety was bad. I sat on the bathroom floor just thinking, but I didn't even cry which was shocking. Maybe it's because I'm used to this kind of behavior from him. It still hurts though. Thinking someone would change and then they do this. I felt like a fool, I am. I believed that he would change. When I got home I texted him to call me. 30 minutes later he calls. Of course he had a story, it was believable but it got me thinking why it's always some story why can't it be someone else or a misunderstanding, it's always some story. "Honestly please just leave me alone" I said minutes later and then I quickly cut the call. I'm exhausted. I felt nothing, it was expected. Things were going so smoothly that's why. Something had to go horribly wrong. Just to think I believed his words. I went straight to bed, I didn't think of it much. I just figured that I'll end up dying if I think of all the shit he has done.