As it was

Chapter 19

A lot changed over the next 6 months. The next day after the Jaden thing I deleted his number, pictures and everything that reminded me of him. At the time I never thought to myself "maybe this decision is going to hurt Jaden too" oh well I guess I'm going to be a bitch then. I cared for him and he never did and now it's my turn to not care. But I'm not going to lie I do miss him at times. It hurts a lot to know that I'm sticking to my word. That night a lot changed in me, I cut my hair and didn't cut myself. I vowed not to do that anymore, it's not worth it. I knew that it wasn't going to happen ever again because normally we would find a way back to each other in less than 3 months but it's been 3 extra months and none of us have tried to contact the other. No one speaks about him around me which makes it better. I don't show people that I'm still hurting but people like prince obviously know. I started talking to willow again, I decided that I didn't want to lose anyone anymore especially over stupid things. I still hang out with nick now and then, my friend group hasn't changed. There are times I just sit and wonder what he's doing, I know almost everything about him so I would imagine him doing that specific thing. Like right now I bet he's playing with his video games. I haven't been seeing anyone over these few months. I look different, I cut and dyed my hair. I've learnt to love my body. Not really. I realized that since I didn't have Jaden to tell all my problems too I'd just write them down to my notes. There's not much difference honestly because Jaden mostly listened. I can see prince still worries about how I am doing, it's sweet honestly. It's funny how much I've changed. I feel like everything at this point reminds me of Jaden, we don't speak of him but I know my friends talk to him. At times I wish I could ask them if he ever talks about me, but I know what that will do. I miss him, I miss him a lot. At times I wonder if all this is happening because of my dad. Since the daughter gets the dad's Karma on how he has been treating females his whole life? I keep it to myself, the fact that I miss Jaden. I don't tell anyone but I think my friends notice at times we'll talk about something and sudden I remember him and I'll just stay quiet because I just want to focus on my memories with him. They're all I have. I love it when a random memory pops up and I feel so happy for about 3 minutes then I snap back to reality. I think I've started focusing more on what people say and enjoying life. I barely think of him yet I always think of him all the time. There are times when I wonder what he's doing or if he has eaten or if he is health. I always stop myself from thinking that something bad would have happened to him. I wonder if I'll ever get over this, this thing I have for him. It was like that, we broke the cycle as it was meant to be. It was as it was.