As it was

Chapter 17

At that moment I wanted to say that I forgive him and that I would like to try it again but there are other people's feelings involved too. I don't know what to tell him. We don't talk much while he drives me home. I don't know how to feel honestly. Jaden gives me so many feelings at once. I feel so angry at him and at the same time I just want him to give me the best hug ever. Once I get home I text nick and tell him that we'll talk tomorrow. I stay on my bed crying until 4 a.m. and Jaden calls me at 04:31 a.m. he knows that I'm always going to pick up his call no matter happens, I'll always be there for him but this time it wasn't him on the call, it was his cousin. "Hey Aliyah" he says. I notice the concern in his voice. "What's wrong where is Jaden" I cry. For some reason I already knew something bad was happening. Jaden doesn't let anyone touch his phone even though everyone knows the password to it. At that moment my heart hurt, so many things were going on in my mind. If something had happened to Jaden I wouldn't forgive myself. "He's at the hospital again" he says. There was nothing I could do at that moment considering he was under observation but I still needed to see him, I would feel much better if I was the one monitoring him. It sounds stupid I'm aware. I couldn't sleep and once it was 7 a.m. I begged my mom to drive me to the hospital and I still don't know why I can't drive at my age, I never had the need but right now I wish I could. Infant I wish I were a witch with a broom. I was thinking about a lot of things while we were going to the hospital. For some reason I was calm maybe it's because this thing has happened before. I've never been this quiet in my entire life. Once we get there I quickly find Jaden's cousin. Apparently it was the day of his operation, I'm shocked he didn't tell me. I think he knew that I would react this way but still more I would have loved to know about it. After I was told that it was a minor operation I felt like a heavy load was lifted off of me.  I was more relaxed and calm. Prince was with me so I didn't overthink and I know he wouldn't let me. Once I see Jaden I start crying. "Why didn't you tell me, I was so worried about you? Don't do this to me, I'll literally die" I shout. "I knew you would react like this, I'm sorry" he replies with his tired voice. After we talk for a while and eat I leave with prince. My mom left a long time ago because of work but she was also concerned. I told Jaden that I would talk to nick and break up with him. I know I sound very stupid. I'm very aware. Right now all I can think about is Jaden and prince hasn't said anything to me so I think he gets the idea. Honestly I don't know how to start, once I reach nicks house his mom opens the door and gives me the best smile. Nick comes downstairs and he can see there's something wrong with me. "You look tired" he says with a concerned face. I tell him everything. Everything. From the beginning of Jaden and I's complicated love story. What I like about nick is that he understands situations. There's a moment of Silence. Nick finally breaks the silence by saying "so are you going back to him" and honestly it never occurred to me that this situation might happen. I don't know what to say, instead I just cry. Nick just holds me while I cry on his front door. Crazy. I know how things will go and I honestly don't want them to go that way. I find myself walking to my place which isn't far from nicks place. It's just across the road but somehow the walk seems far. I find myself lost in my thoughts. I love Jaden with everything in me but is it worth getting my heart broken all over again. Being with Jaden is probably the best thing ever for me. When it's good, its good trust me. I think its better I stay away from Jaden and nick for a while. Now that I know they are both fine I can stay and think about my disorganized life. What I feel for nick cannot be compared to what I feel for Jaden but Jaden? He's always hurting me. A few weeks pass and I feel better, I spend more time with Naya and prince and at times with nick. He fits in perfectly. Exams are over and charity will come home soon. I cannot wait to see her. I honestly need her more than ever considering I'm not speaking to willow.