As it was

Chapter 4

Maybe that's why they call me rude and too straight forward. I don't get why people lie about being friends, like isn't a friend a person you trust with your whole life? I don't trust people especially with my life that's why I don't call them my friends. I would never call people who I talk about my friends. They are just people I know. People say I feel my shit when I say things which makes me think what they would say if they heard what I say in my head. My mom is a very social person, she makes friends easily, and I wish I was more like her. She's amazing. She can easily talk to people and at times I wonder if I'm really her daughter. She makes it so easy. My dad called today. I'm not sure what he wants, he doesn't care about me anyways. The amount of children that have a male figure around them is honestly amazing. Willow's parents divorced a while back, prince is close to his dad but still has issues with him and charity's parents are married. What makes me different is that I'm an only child, from my mom's side at least. I have 5 step siblings and I'm very close to them surprisingly. Being an only child has taught me to be anti-social, talkative, shy and spoilt. I can't imagine sharing my things with someone especially sharing my mom. I like being the only child but at times it's very lonely. My mom is my best friend, I tell her everything, whenever I have a crush on someone she's always the first one to know but not having a sibling is kind of hard honestly. Hearing my mom and her sisters talking about how their childhood was is kind of sad. I love writing, I can spend hours writing something maybe that's why I'm so good in English. I think I love writing because there are certain things I can't keep to myself that I also can't tell people and end up writing on my notes. Today in the morning I was reading a book then my mom called me. "Lulu" she called out to me. Only Bruno and my mom call me that. I hate that name but I go see why she's calling me. "Your dad wants to talk to you" she says with a smile on her face. I've never had a relationship with my father and I don't want one. When I was younger I tried everything to gain his attention until it occurred to me that he doesn't care so I stopped trying. He's basically dead to me and I don't mind. My mom gives me her phone. "Hey" I say with a weak voice. "Good morning princessa, how's school going?" He said. "Schools are closed sir" I said angrily. "I'm sorry I didn't know, I hope you're enjoying your holidays and it's dad to you young lady" dad said. I honestly hate it when he pretends like he cares about me. "What do you want from me" I say losing my temper. "Aliyah that's not a way to speak to your dad" mom says. There's an awkward silence for about 30 seconds after she said that. "Okay I have some work to do, take care I love you guys" he said. I just rolled my eyes while my mom said goodbye and cut the call. "Aliyah he's trying" mom said. "No he isn't" I yell. "He feels guilty or something like that, he has never cared about me so why should he start today" I said with tears running down my cheeks. We both don't say anything. After some time I leave to my bedroom. I don't think anyone understands how much I hate my dad. A daughter shouldn't have to beg her own father for his time. It should come naturally, I always knew my dad never loved me anyway. So he should just stop pretending like he does plus it's too late for him to try to fix things with me. I bet my mom was the one who forced him to call me. He doesn't realize that his daughter just wants to be with him, even just for some time. He doesn't deserve the title as a father. Talking about him makes me so emotional and angry so I decide to call prince. He calms me down for a bit. I'm always crying about some issue or the other. I'm an emotional wreck. I spend the whole day listening to music. Then I realize I have to apologize to my mom. "It's not your fault dad is a shitty person" I say. She quickly smiles, my mom is so strong emotionally, I've seen her cry and at times she hides her tears. I think she thinks I hate her. I wish she knew how much she means to me. She's my whole world. She dies, I die. I don't care about this "live for her shit" she's my ride or die. She has tried so much to be the best mom and she should know that she is and without even trying. I go back to my room and that is around 6: 54 p.m. another unsuccessful day lol. I look at my table and see books and remember schools are opening soon. I haven't done any assignments and I know I'll say I'll do them but somehow I never do. I think it's a disease of every student. I wouldn't blame them, school is hella hard. Especially if you've got teachers like ours who only care if you pass even if you cheat, as long as you pass they are fine. How unfair is it. Schools care more about passing than actually learning and damn my mom pays a lot for nothing. I'm only doing this for her otherwise I would have dropped out a long time ago lol.