As it was

Chapter 16

I spend a lot of time with nick. I barely think of Jaden and when I do I feel guilty. At times it'll be unintentionally, like when I see nick do all these things I constantly had to bed Jaden to do. It's funny because now that I realize that I only wanted those things from Jaden and nobody else. He's toxic. We're toxic. Soon everyone is writing their finals. I can't believe this will be me next year. I get home this one Friday afternoon and mom and I go to do some groceries at the mall. While packing the things in car I notice a new book store that opened. My mom notices and says. "Okay go quickly and we'll get something to eat". I love how she understands me. I don't what I was looking for specific but I grab some books and the helper offers me a basket. I can't believe I was buying so many books. I remember how Jaden and I used to read books together while he wrote poems. I miss those times. I quickly get those thoughts out of my head and continue my search. A few minutes I smell a familiar scent. A vanilla like scent. I knew it was him but I thought I was day dreaming. Then there he was, my sweet handsome boy, my love, my life. He was wearing a black t-shirts and these black pants that he loves so much. I quickly noticed him from his glasses and I know he noticed me too. We both freeze for like what seems forever. Looking directly into his eyes reminded me of all the times I looked directly into his eyes and which is every time. All the good, bad, funny memories just scrambled through my brain. My heart was racing, I didn't know how to feel. "Hi" I say but no words come out. I honestly don't know what to say to this boy. "Susari hey" he said softly. Just to think that I hadn't heard his voice for so long. "I expected you to be here but not the same time as me lol" he continues. The silence was killing me, I didn't know what to say to him. "No actually I just saw it right now, I'm her with mom" I force the words out of my mouth. "Mom!! How is she? It's been long yeah" he says. After that we both talk about other irrelevant things and get some ice cream. Does he still remember that I only eat vanilla in a cone? Of course he doesn't I thought to myself until he hands me vanilla ice cream in a cone. Coincidental. "You think too much, Of course I still remember" he says. I stand there in shock while he eats his ice cream. Why am I? Jaden knows me better than anyone else. "Shocked" he laughs. We both laugh like old times, I really missed this. I would do anything to freeze time and just stay like this with him. "So how's your boyfriend" he asks. I don't answer that question because I know where it'll go. "How funny that we always find a way to be with each other" he laughs. It's true, at times it'll be unintentionally. Jaden and I go back to my mom and we both have lunch with her. Things were going so good until nick called. I decided to ignore the call and suffer the consequences later. I think Jaden noticed because he asked again " how's your boyfriend" and I just stared at him because I knew what he was doing, Jaden is so toxic, him and I are both toxic. I tell my mom that Jaden will drop me off at home after we look at some books. Most of that was true. We spend the whole afternoon together and I forget all my problems. I love it when I'm with him. It's crazy how a person can make you forget all your worries. We talk about our lives and of course about nick. "He makes you happy, I like that" he says. I wish Jaden could see how happy he makes me. "You also made me happy. Mostly." I reply to his statement. "I only caused you pain Aliyah, I'm sorry" he says. I wonder what will happen next. "I love you so much Aliyah" he continues and tears start running down my cheeks. "I've never met anyone who loves or at least loved me like you do". How do I tell this boy that I never stopped loving him and that I will never stop until I die. He's basically my daily drug, the more I take the more addicted I become and in the end it'll kill me. He got that part. "I just wanted us to work out but somehow we never seem to get it right" I cry. He understands me. "I love the fact that you're seeing someone who cares about you but inside it's killing me, I don't want to lose you" he tells me.