As it was

Chapter 6

Funny thing is that I loved him while he loved someone else. Even though he was a shitty person to me I can't deny that we spent some good times together. He's extraordinary. Willow says we are very toxic for each other, I agree. Jaden had some health problems this time last year. That's when I realized that I loved that boy with my whole life, I would stay up all night with him while he went to the hospital. That was the scariest thing that ever happened to me, losing someone you love so much. Next thing I found myself praying for his wellbeing and crying because he was in the hospital. I remember one night I was on a call with him and all of the sudden he started feeling pain and he cried for his mom's help. That was the scariest day of my life, I called prince crying thinking Jaden would die and things seemed like that. I stayed up waiting for him to call me to say that he's alright. Other times I would stay up until 3a.m waiting for him to come back from the hospital. I think the best thing about loving him was that I didn't care what happened to me as long as he was safe. At times I think I caused this to happen, Jaden breaking my heart being all my fault. "I'll hurt you Aliyah" he said a thousand times but never once did I ever listen to him. It wasn't a warning, it was just something he was going to do. I wouldn't say he cared about me for saying that, I genuinely think it was more of a "that's what I'll do to you if you stay". At times I wonder if Jaden ever loved me, was it all a lie for him, was it a joke. He isn't that type of person. He cares about people.
Jaden is the most perfect person in this world. At least for me.
He makes me so happy but he also makes me cry so much.
I don't think he means to make me cry but there are certain decisions he makes that affect me so much but I know he doesn't mean it. Jaden wears glasses, I find it very attractive. He smells like vanilla and over sprayed perfume. I love him so much words cannot describe it,
I always feel happy when I talk to him it's kind of weird because only a few people make me feel that way but he makes me feel a certain way that I've never felt, it feels like butterflies in my stomach and they are dancing happily. I always shake whenever I speak to him and get so anxious.
He goes through so much to be honest even though he doesn't tell me I know from his voice. I don't mind that he only calls me when he isn't happy I'll always be there for him. I do not think this boy realizes how much I love him.
He's so perfect.
He may have a lot of flaws but to me he's flawless. With him it's a different feeling it's like it grows every day and never stops. I wish it could. He has the weirdest music taste but I always try to understand the songs he listens to. My Jaden so fragile anything can make him upset and honestly the thing I admire most about him is the way he loves, he does it in a different way. He has shown me a different side of him that no one has seen. With me he's a different person, he's kind and cares.
Even though he caused me so much pain I'm glad that he came into my life. He may not know this but he got me through a lot of shit.
Loving him has taught me that you can love someone so much even though, they break your heart into a million pieces and that you can love someone from a distance. Loving him has made me become a mature person.
The shocking thing is that I could sit there and talk to him for hours and I would never get tired. I love him so much, maybe it's not love maybe it's just an infatuation but whatever it is I hope it never goes away. I don't think I ever want to stop loving that boy, I just want to be able to live without him.
I pray every day that he heals from all the things he doesn't talk about, everything he has gone through these past few years.
I hope he knows that he's one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Some things he does irritate the shit out of me, he behaves like a bitch at times. This boy refuses to understands that whatever he says or does affects me honestly I just wanted us to work out why do you hurt me so much. It hurts so badly. Maybe you were meant to come into my life to show me what real love is or maybe you had to come into my life to show me real pain, either way you showed me both. If I could count the amount of times you broke me it wouldn't be enough to fill my heart with hatred for you.
Honestly wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're my perfect boy.
Leaving you was the right decision but why do I always feel like it's wrong. It's your turn to try and fight for us, I've done that for a long time now. Jaden is a complicated person, he doesn't think before his does things, and it's annoying. We've been in this situation ship ever since we met that day. "He doesn't deserve you Aliyah" says prince every time I talk about him. I know he doesn't, I'm very aware. I don't know what to do.