Changing With The Tides (A TommyInnit Au)

Chapter Ten: A Very Private Journal

Tommy had taken to journaling his emotions, but he hated to write it all out. So, he had typed it out whenever he could. Anytime he could sneak out to the library or the cafe on the corner near the orphanage, he would find the most secluded computer that was free to use, put in the hard drive that would wipe any trace of him clear from the computer, and logged into the google doc that he used to record his thoughts and feelings. He didn't get to use it too often, but whenever he could, it would help to calm him down and get rid of his stress. Now, he decided that he should use it often, as it was nice to get rid of some strong emotion. He had started journaling because he didn't have anyone that he trusted enough to spill his inner thoughts and opinions to, and once he got a few particularly bad houses, he started trying to write about everything that had happened to him. When he read it over, he could see how much he had changed, how he had gone from writing about the people he met and the places he went to writing about the newest gadget he had created and the latest house he had been to. It was still nice to do, even if it held some unpopular opinions and hard to talk about subjects such as abuse, and even at one point, suicide. His journal was also very very private. He didn't want anyone to read it, no matter who they were. It held some important things to him. Today was the day to start up journaling again. He opened the browser for the first time, inserting the hard drive into the computer to wipe his existence on the computer clean. The last thing he needed was someone finding out about his journal here. Then, he started to write.

Sunday September 23,

Just three measly days ago, I was adopted. I know, it's strange, I mean, who wants to adopt the problem child with the scars? I haven't been adopted ever, and never considered that quick. But it was Phil and Kristen who found me, and they immediately adopted me. I guess I like it here. I still don't trust everyone fully, but I understand at least that they aren't going to purposely hurt me.

I had a panic attack this morning at the Tubnet house, and Purpled helped me. I guess I have to explain the whole ordeal with the houses. Basically, I live with Phil, Kristen, Techno, and Wilbur in the SBI house. We're the closest to the road, but still way back in, so far back that you can't even hear the cars speeding down the road from our house. The whole area is filled with trees and forest except for the long, windy driveway, but I haven't really had the chance to explore yet. The next closest house is the Tubnet house, but the houses are far enough away that you can't see their house from ours. Purpled, Hannah, Tubbo, and Ranboo live in the Tubnet house. After that is the farthest house from the road, the Dream Team house, made up of Dream, Sapnap, and George. I haven't met them yet, but I've kind of been avoiding the SBI household members, and I only just met the Tubnet house members today. Except for Purpled that is, but I'll explain that later.

Basically, I went over to the Tubnet house to reunite with all my friends, and we had a really good time. We played Mario Kart, and Sonic, and a bunch of other games, which I won all of them because of my skills that I've acquired. Then, we went to play Monopoly, which was really fun for the first hour or so. But after a while, I got kind of overwhelmed, and Purpled noticed. He took me up to his room, and saved me from the embarrassment of a panic attack. Then, we went back down because I didn't want anyone to know about my panic attack, and Techno came to get me for the night not too long after. I have to admit, it was nice seeing my friends again, but it makes my heart hurt a bit when I see how close they all are since I went to the orphanage. They told a bunch of inside jokes and stuff, and even though I know it wasn't intentional, I still felt just a bit worse when they accidentally excluded me from their fun.

Anyway, when Techno came to get me, I told him I ate at the Tubnet house, which was a lie. I just really didn't want to deal with sneaking food off the table so that I didn't have to eat in front of them. I know it's a stupid fear, it doesn't even make any sense, I mean, I'm eating the same amount of food, no matter what. But I still have it, and I haven't told anyone, so I guess I'm going to bed hungry tonight. Except I won't be going to bed anytime soon. My room, which is really nice, has an overhang from the roof right below it, and I climbed out of it last night and the first night I was here and played violin. It was really relaxing, and I enjoyed it a lot. And actually, that's how I met Purpled. Last night, before I went to the Tubnet house, I was out on the roof playing. It was a really quiet night, and I was playing well. Then, Purpled just fucking appeared next to me. I don't really know how he got up, but I assume he climbed. We had a really good conversation. I don't know why, but I just feel safe with Purpled. My bracelet doesn't label him a threat, and he actually seemed excited to see and talk to me again. He also kept complimenting my violin, which was nice to hear.

I also found out that he is kind of like me. The two of us like to find something to focus on to keep us grounded. Purpled uses working out and learning to fight. I actually got him to agree to let me train with him, which I think will be fun. Once I settle into a more regular schedule, I'll have to see when we can sneak out to train. In return, I have to play violin for him tonight. I'm really nervous because I don't play in front of people ever, but I trust Purpled. I'm just going to do what I normally do and try to have a good time. I'm actually really excited about our nighttime adventures though. If it keeps up, it will be nice to have a 'secret' friend, and someone who I can count on to be there when I need it.

I guess I like it here okay, it's just hard to fully trust people again. I haven't told anyone about my eating problems, nor my panic attacks, except for Purpled, who found out on his own. No one knows about my attempted suicide a few months ago, and no one knows about the money in my bank. Also, no one knows about my tinkering or electrical work, and no one knows about the security program I started developing for this computer. No one knows about this doc, and only Purpled knows about my violin. No one knows about my bracelet, the hellish time I spent in the orphanage, or the abuse that I went through. No one has seen my back or stomach, nor the scars and burns that reside there. They don't know anything about me, and for now, I plan to keep it that way. That's all I have time for today, I'll try to write again soon. Bye for now,

Signed, Tommy Innit

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Tommy trauma! I'm not sure just how well that turned out, but hopefully you all like it okay. I can't wait to post on Sunday! Maybe I'll include one or two of my favorite gifts I received in the A/N that I'm planning to write. Don't forget that I'm posting two chapters and an A/N on Sunday. I'll see you all on Christmas, yeah? Bye! <3