Usnavi June 2014
It has been a year and a half since Vanessa was rescued. I've gotten one letter from her since. It was a short letter explaining that she had a son and was still undecided if she was keeping him. That was early January after she had her baby.
I was beyond shocked when I received the letter. Unfortunately, there was no return address, so I couldn't respond. All dad will tell me is that she is getting better.
Today, Mom and Dad are taking the three of us to see mom's family in California.
As our plane descends into San Diego, I can't help but wonder where Vanessa is at the moment.
"Are you okay Bubba?"
"Yeah. Just missing Vanessa today."
Mari lays her head on my shoulder. "I'm here Bubba."
"Thank you Tiny."
She smiles but rolls her eyes. "Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"
"Nope. You will always be my Tiny."
I look over and see Jaime staring at us.
"I love you too brother," I say, hugging him.
He smiles and lays his head on my shoulder too.
An hour later, mom and dad pull up in front of a house I don't recognize.
"Did Grandma and Abuelo move?"
Mom turns to me. "This is not mom and dad's house. This is Vanessa's house. She lives in the same city as Mom and Dad. She asked us to stop and see them, if we can. You get to spend the rest of the day with her and we will come tomorrow. Daniella will bring you to Grandma and Abuelo's tonight."
My stomach clenches at her words.
"Mommy, I want to see Vanessa."
"Tomorrow Marisol. I promise you will see her tomorrow. Give Usnavi today. Usnavi, do you need me to walk you in?"
I shake my head and shake as I get out of the rental car. I walk over and go to knock. Before I can touch the door, it flies open and I see Vanessa standing there.
"Navi!" She yells, jumping into my arms. After a moment of shock, I wrap my arms tight around her and hug her close to me.
"I'm so happy you are here. I have missed you."
"How are you?"
"I'm better. I finished high school this week and really wanted you and your family here to celebrate. Plus, I miss you. I miss you so much."
"Vanessa, is Usnavi here?"
"Yes mom."
Nessa grabs my hand and we walk in. I am quickly greeted by Daniella and Carla.
"Mom, Usnavi and I are going to go talk."
"Okay honey. We will stay out of the living room."
Vanessa guides me and my heart begins to pound. "Usnavi, there are a few things I want to talk to you about. Please, let me take a moment to get it all out."
I nod and listen.
First, I want you to know that I ended up keeping my baby. I have a son. He is a year and a half now. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Two, I want you to know that we are moving back to New York. They caught the men who took me. I finally feel safe to go back."
"I had heard they caught them. I wondered about you when I heard the news, but figured you would contact me when ready."
"Well, I will be attending Columbia College. I hope we can start hanging out again. Eventually, maybe we can start dating again."
"Really?"
"Yes. I miss you."
"Vanessa, can I hug you."
She nods and I hug her tightly. We kinda melt into each other. A second later, I hear a little boy yell "Mama."
She immediately turns and scoops up a toddler. He looks so much like Vanessa, I recognize him immediately.
"Usnavi, I want you to meet my son. His name is Javier Luis Ortega. He is named after my Abuelo and he has your middle name. I considered Usnavi as a middle name but it didn't really fit. I hope your middle name is okay.
I am stunned.
"He is named after me?"
"Yes. It just felt right. Javi, I want you to meet my friend Usnavi."
Javier shyly waves and then snuggles into Vanessa. She kisses his head and hugs him close.
"Did you need something Baby?"
"I hungry Mama."
"Okay. Let's go get you a snack. Usnavi, do you want to join us for a snack?"
Her smile makes me smile just as big.
"That sounds nice."
Usnavi November 2014
Vanessa and I are attending college together this year. I am in my third year and she is in her first year. We have been spending our free time together and it has felt almost like old times. Only now, are both more jumpy and cautious of our surroundings and we try to not be out much past dark. We are also not as comfortable with each other. There feels to be something hindering us from being open with each other. I can't help but feel she still blames me. I wouldn't blame her is she did. I blame myself.
We are studying together at her apartment when her hand touches mine. I look up and she smiles at me. I feel my face flush and look back my down at my book.
"Usnavi, are you okay?"
"Yeah."
She touches my arm. "No you're not. I can see it. Usnavi, I have been back in Manhattan since August and you are not your normal self."
"Please Vanessa, I'm okay."
Javier starts crying before she can respond and she groans. "I just got him to sleep. I will be back."
While she is back there, I am hit with a strong wave of guilt. Tears are flooding my eyes when she walks back in.
"He is asleep again, he... Usnavi, what's wrong?" She asks, walking over and touching my arm.
She lifts my chin and looks me in the eyes. I look at her back for a second and then advert my gaze.
"Hey, talk to me."
"It's just... I still feel so guilty about everything."
"Is that why you have been so distant with me? Usnavi, I don't blame you. I never have. Why do you blame yourself?"
"I should have protected you. I was your boyfriend. It was my job to make sure you were safe."
"Usnavi, your parents told me what happened. They almost killed you. There was nothing more you could have done."
"Had I just convinced you to just stay in the hotel, or even never came up with the idea, we wouldn't have been on the street."
"Usnavi, I was the one who originally wanted to stay in the hotel. I was the one who wanted to have sex that night. I am also the one who didn't wear sun block that day. I respect you for not trying to push me into doing things I don't want to do. Please, forgive yourself. I miss the old you. I see the man I love, still in there somewhere. He just has to forgive himself."
"You still love me?"
"Yes. I never stopped loving you. Why do you think I named my son after you? I want to be your girlfriend again. I want us to be a couple again."
I finally look her in the eyes again. Her eyes are full of tears and her face is so full of love. I lean in to kiss her gently. She automatically starts kissing me back. She cups my face gently and pulls back after a moment.
"Will you be my boyfriend again?"
I nod and kiss her again. That night, we don't have sex, but we hold each other. We enjoy being together again. For the first time since I was 17, everything in my world feels right again.
