Lilliana October 2017
I wake up and my chest really hurts. When I touch where the pain is, I feel the bandage. I sit and try to remember why I'm in a hospital. The last clear memory is feeling terrible and Luis saying he will bring me to the hospital. I look around and see him sleeping on the couch not far from me. My poor husband looks absolutely exhausted. I want to talk to him, but I can see he needs his rest.
After a few minutes, a nurse walks in. She smiles and I put a finger to my mouth, asking her to keep it down. She looks where I am pointing and nods.
"How are you feeling?" She whispers.
"A little stiff. How long have I been here?"
"About five days. When you made it through the first day, we knew you would likely be okay. The fever did not want to leave your body though. It finally broke last night."
"What happened?"
"Your chemotherapy port became badly infected and you went septic. We almost lost you a few times that first day. You are a fighter Mrs Mendonza."
I nod. "I have three kids who need me. I have to be."
"Your kids are beautiful. Your oldest has been here everyday. I hope I'm lucky enough to have a son like that one day. Now, I need to get your blood pressure and some other vitals. After, if you are hungry, I can have some food brought up."
"Thanks. I am starving."
While the nurse does what she needs to, Luis starts to stir.
"Is everything okay?" He asks panicked.
"Luis, I'm okay. I'm awake." I say, reaching out to him.
He jumps up and runs to me. "Thank god. You really had me scared." He cries, bending down and kissing me.
"I'm okay." I say, touching his face.
He bends down and gently kisses me. "This has been the longest week of my life. I can't imagine my life without you Lilliana."
"I'm still right here and I am still fighting. Now, where are the kids. I want to see them."
"The twins are in school, but I can get them after they are out. They know your fever broke last night. Usnavi has class but said he will be here around lunch, before his next class."
I nod. "Come sit with me and hold me. I need some time alone with you."
He smiles and curls up on the bed with me. We hold each other and but don't say anything. We just hold each other.
Usnavi and his little family come over the next day.
"Hi Lilly! How are you?" Vanessa asks.
"So much better now that you guys are here."
She hugs me and I kiss my grand babies.
"Abuela, guess what?"
"What Javi?"
"Mommy has another baby in her tummy."
"Really!"
"Yeah. She won't tell me if it is a boy or a girl though."
Usnavi laughs. "We don't know yet bud. We find out next month."
"I have a vague memory of you telling me."
"You were pretty sick. We weren't sure if you were going to make it. I wanted you to know, just in case you didn't make it. I also hoped it would give you another reason to fight."
I reach up and touch his face. "I have more than enough reasons, but your news definitely helped. Vanessa, come here sweetheart."
She walks over and I place a hand on her belly.
"I can't wait to meet you little one."
Lilliana March 2018
Today, we find out if all the treatments worked. We had to stop them for a month while I recovered, but we started back not long after.
"Mrs Mendonza, I have some very good news. The chemo has done its job. You are officially in remission."
"Oh my god!" I cry and Luis hugs me.
"Your case is rather incredible. A lot of people don't recover from stage 3 lung cancer. You will still have to get check ups every few months for the first few years, but chemo is done for now."
That night, Luis and I celebrate together.
"I am so thankful you beat this this. I don't want to live life without you."
"I'm not going anywhere. I can't wait to get my hair back."
He laughs and kisses me. "Tomorrow we tell the kids. Tonight, are you up for one more round?"
"I'm a little exhausted, but I could go one more time."
He kisses me deeply and I fall asleep in his arms a little later, happy and very satisfied.
Lilliana May 2020
It has been two years and two months since I was declared to be in remission. This appointment should have been in March, but I ended up with the flu and had to push it back. Today, if I am still in remission, my appointment will move to twice a year, for a year, and then next year it will move to once a year.
"Mrs Mendoza, you are still in remission. There are no traces of cancer cells in your body."
Luis and I both breathe a sigh of relief. We always get tense at my check up appointment.
"After today, I won't have to see you for six months."
"Thank you so much doctor. Lilliana, love, we need to get going. We don't want to be late for Usnavi's graduation."
I nod and shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you so much Doctor Song."
Luis and I run out and grab a taxi. On the way there, he turns to me and kisses me deeply.
"Luis! Not in the taxi. What is he going to think?"
"I'm just celebrating two years of remission. Not like I'm going to jump you in this cab."
"Luis!" I scold as our taxi driver laughs.
"What has you two so excited?"
"Today, my beautiful wife is still in remission after a stage three lung cancer diagnosis a few years years ago. Today is the two year confirmation of remission. We are also headed to our sons graduation from law school."
"Congratulations."
Luis wraps an arm around me and kisses me deeply again. "I love you so much. I am so thankful you."
I lay my head on his shoulder. "I am thankful for you too. You are my best friend and I can't imagine life without you."
We get to the graduation just in time for the start of the ceremony. Thankfully, Vanessa saved us two seats.
"Abuelo, sit by me," Camilla says excitedly. Luis sits by Cami and I sit next to Vanessa.
"I am so happy this day has finally come. Usnavi has wanted to be a lawyer since he was a kid."
"I remember when we were little, we would play court. He was always the lawyer and I played the judge."
I smile and hug her. The ceremony starts a moment later. We all cheer when they call is name. I smile and clap for my son.
The next day, it is the twins, grandchildren, Luis and I at the house. Luis and I gave Vanessa and Usnavi a night alone to celebrate.
I get up and make breakfast for everyone. Javi is the first one to come out.
"Abuela, when will mom and dad be home?"
"They said they will be home around lunch time. Your mom has a doctor appointment and they are coming to get you guys after."
He nods and goes to watch tv. Soon, Luis comes out. He is clutching at his shoulder.
"Luis, are you okay?"
"Yeah, just slept wrong."
He sits down and I get behind him and massage his shoulder. He leans back into me when I finish. "Much better. Thank you Love."
I bend down and kiss him. Whenever you need babe."
A few minutes later, Usnavi and Vanessa walk in early.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"We missed out train and our clinic doesn't accept you if you are late. We rescheduled. We figured we would come hang out with you guys."
"Well, you are just in time. Breakfast will be ready soon."
"Good. I am starving," Vanessa says excitedly.
I finish up breakfast and we all enjoy a meal together. As I am cleaning up, I see Luis clutching at his chest.
"Luis, are you okay?"
"I... I..."
He stands up, makes it about five steps, and then collapses. Usnavi and I immediately rush to him. Usnavi helps him lay down and I see Vanessa pull out her phone. I cup his face in my hands.
"Luis, what's wrong?"
"I...it hurts?"
"What hurts Luis? What's going on?"
"My chest... it hurts."
"Just hang on. An ambulance is on its way."
He has a look of panic for a second and then becomes eerily calm. He almost smiles.
"Lilliana... kiss me Love."
I bend down and give him a kiss. When I sit up, he smiles. A moment later, I see the moment the light leaves his eyes and I don't want to believe that this is happening. My heart sinks and I kiss him again.
"No! You don't do this. Stay with me!" I cry. "Wake up babe! Come on, wake up!"
Usnavi starts CPR right away.
"Daddy! Wake up Daddy!" Mari cries as she runs over to us. "Mom, help him!"
A few minutes later, the paramedics come in and start working on him. I pull Mari out of the way and Usnavi moves Jaime. After a few minutes, they stop.
"I'm sorry, he is gone."
"No! Help my Dad!"
"I'm sorry honey, there is nothing we can do. He is dead."
I feel a sense of calm come over despite the heartbreak I am feeling. I get up and walk over to Luis. I stroke his cheek and bend down to kiss him.
"Goodbye my Love."
"Mom, please, help him!" Mari cries coming to me.
I wrap her in my arms and hold her close to me. "I'm sorry Baby. There is nothing I can do. Dad is gone."
I look over and see my boys clinging to each-other. Vanessa goes behind Usnavi and lays a hand on his back.
"Guys, give dad a kiss and say goodbye. They are going to have to take his body soon."
I look to the paramedics. "I want an autopsy. I want to know what took my husband from us."
"The coroner will be here soon. You can work that out with their office."
I nod and look back to my kids. They each kiss and hug Luis goodbye. The grandchildren children also say goodbye at Vanessa's urging. Mari goes last. She kisses Luis and breaks down into sobs. I have Usnavi help me get her to the couch and I hold her. Jaime sits next to us and tries to comfort her. She is inconsolable. She only stops crying when she falls asleep thirty minutes later. By then, the coroner has come and taken Luis's body. Usnavi helps me put her to bed. Jaime stays with her.
"Mom, let's get you to bed. You're in shock and need some sleep."
"No, I have to much I need to do."
"That can all wait until later. The autopsy is going to take a few days anyways."
"I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to Usnavi."
"At least sit down on the couch."
I agree and sit down. Usnavi sits next to me. Javier immediately walks over to us. "Abuela, are you sad?"
I looks at him, tears filling my eyes. The sense of shock lifting. I try to speak but can't get my words out. I stand up and begin to pace.
"Mom?" Usnavi says worried.
"I... I..."
I let out a sob and feel Usnavi wrap his arms around me. When he does, I begin to sob uncontrollably. We fall to the floor, him holding me tight to him. I don't hear much. I just feel Usnavi holding me to him and see Vanessa next to me. She strokes my hair and whispers to me. I can't make out what she is saying over my sobs. I cry until I feel myself falling asleep. The last thing I remember, before falling asleep, is the look is utter heartbreak on my beautiful son's face.
