Vanessa March 2025
I wake up and I am confused. The last thing I remember is being in labor with my son. I try to move but am unable. I can't open my eyes yet. I feel something on my chest. I hear mom, Mami, Lilliana, and Usnavi around me.
I feel Usnavi take my hand. I would know his hand anywhere. He then kisses me on the head.
"This is our son Vanessa. We need you to wake up now."
I am shocked. I don't remember giving birth. I feel his tiny weight on my chest and feel so much joy and sorrow. Now, I want to know what happened. Why can't I open my eyes? What happed that caused me to not know I have given birth?
I hear Usnavi crying and hold my hand. Wanting to reassure him, I focus to give his hand a gentle squeeze. He gasp. After telling everyone, I feel someone take my other hand.
Vanessa , can you hear me? If you can, squeeze my hand." Mami says.
It takes a minute , but I give my mom's hand a gentle squeeze. Mami gasps as i do it again.
"Oh thank god! Baby, we are here. You are going to be okay."
Usnavi, breaks down into sobs and kisses me again. "You are going to be okay Amor. You are going to be okay!"
I feel happy but so exhausted. I quickly fall back asleep.
The next time I wake up, I hear them talking. I open my eyes a little and see Usnavi talking with a doctor.
"It has been three days since she squeezed our hands and been even remotely conscious. What's going on?" Usnavi snaps.
"It takes time Mr Delavega. She has been removed from the ventilator. She has a Hypoxic brain injury. Recovery, if it is possible, will take months. What happened the other day is a good sign."
Usnavi runs his hand through his hair and turns around. When he does he freezes in his tracks. He sees me looking at him and looks stunned.
"Vanessa, Amor, can you here me?" He ask running to me. I look over at him and he looks so relieved.
"Doctor, she opened her eyes!"
The doctor comes to me and asks me to look at her. I look over to her and see satisfaction.
"Very good Vanessa. You are making progress."
Usnavi bends down and kisses me gently. "I love you so much Amor."
"I love you too Navi," I think to myself.
A week later, I am a little more alert than before. Recovery has been long. I'm still very weak, but I can move my arms. I have been doing physical therapy in my bed. Right now, it is them moving my arms and legs, but I feel a little stronger. Every day is better.
Last night, they put Luis on my chest again. I was able to softly pat his back and kiss his little head. He was released from the hospital yesterday and Usnavi brought him to visit before mom and Mami took him home.
Today, my moms say they are bring the kids. I am so excited but also worried the little ones will be scared. If they get frightened, there is nothing I can do right now to comfort them. I can hardly move, which really sucks.
I also hope I am awake when they get here. There have been a few days where I slept the day away. I have woken up to Usnavi crying, worried I was dying again. I was able to touch his hand and reassure him I am still here but it still took him a minute to stop crying.
I am listening to Usnavi read me my favorite book, when I hear the voice of my parents.
"Remember, your mom is not able to talk right now, but she can see and hear you. Just talk to her like normal. Give her lots of hugs and kisses."
Javier is the first one to walk into the room. When he sees me, he freezes for a second. He then walks towards me hesitantly. I immediately turn to look. I reach out my hand and he takes it.
"Hi mom? How are you?"
I give it a gentle squeeze and pull him towards me. He seems to loose his composure and begins to cry. He wraps his arms around me and cries into the bed. I stroke his hair and cry with him a little.
"Javier, mom is fine. She is healing." Usnavi says. "A few days ago, she couldn't move her arms. She was too weak."
He looks at me shocked and I nod.
"You're really okay mom?" he has sadly.
I touch his face and nod.
"Hi mommy!" Iris says beside me.
I turn to her and smile. I take her hand and kiss it gently. Cami, when she is put on the bed, snuggles into me. Daniel refuses to come near me. He clings to Usnavi and hides from me.
"It's okay baby," I so desperately want to say.
"Daniel, say hi to mommy," Usnavi tells him.
"No!"
I reach out to him and he hides form me.
"M... mommy here." I croak out.
"No!" Daniel cries and buries his face in Usnavi's neck.
"Mommy's here," I say again, a little more clear, and begin to cry. "Mommy's here!"
No matter what Usnavi or I say, Daniel just cries harder, which makes me cry harder.
"It's okay mom! Please don't cry." Javier says, wiping my face.
"Guys, I'm going to take Daniel to Gran. You stay here with your mom." Usnavi says sadly?"
As he leaves, I call out, "Dan!"
He still don't look at me. I cry and feel Javier wrap his arms around me as he gets on the bed with Camilla and I.
"It's okay mom. Please don't cry. We are here!"
Iris gets in the other side of me and hugs me too.
"I love you Mommy."
I wrap my arms around my kids, hold them close, and cry. I cry at the fact that they have to see me in this bed. I cry that I can hardly talk or move. I cry I haven't gotten to bond with my newest son like I should. I just want to be normal again.
A moment later, Usnavi walks back in while I'm crying. He walks over to me, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me gently.
"It will be okay Amor. He is just scared. Next time should be better. You just don't look completely like you did before."
He wipes my tears and nose as I continue to cry.
"Hate this!" I say frustrated.
"I know Amor, but things will get better. Yesterday, you couldn't talk. Today, you have said almost a dozen words. You are getting better. You just need more time."
He hugs me and I bury my face in his neck.
"Mommy, do you want to hear what happened at school today and why Javi got in trouble?"
"Iris, I told you not to say anything! Javier hisses.
I laugh a little and so does Usnavi. Iris has always been good at breaking tension in our family. Usnavi kisses me, wipes my tears, puts on his fakest serious face, and turns to Javier. "You got in trouble today?"
"It was nothing dad! I promise."
Usnavi shakes his head silently laughing. "What happened?"
"I was closing my locker and slammed my finger in the door. I accidentally cussed and got lunch detention. It was stupid. I didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out."
I smile and shake my head. I then pick up his hands and kiss them both.
Javier smiles. "Thank you mom. My finger is okay. It is just a little bruised. The nurse said I would be okay."
My family and I talk until I feel myself drifting off.
"Guys, mom is tired. Give her a kiss and a hug. I am going to have you guys go home for dinner and bed."
"Dad, can you take us home and tuck us in tonight. You haven't done that since mom had the baby."
He hesitates and I grab his hand. When he looks at me, I nod.
"Go." I tell him.
He hesitates for another second but nods. He bends down and kisses me deeply again. "I will be back in the morning. It will be nice to sleep in our bed again. Do you want me to send in your parents?"
I nod and smile.
"Okay Amor. Sleep well. I love you."
I kiss his hand and the kids before they leave.
When they leave the room, mom comes in a moment late.
"Hi baby. Usnavi said you wanted us to stay with you tonight. Carla went home with Daniel, but I can call her if you want."
I nod my head and reach out to her. "Hold me." I say.
When she crawls into bed when me, a deep feeling of grief washes over me. I begin to cry and she holds me close.
"Shh, it's okay baby. Everything will be okay. I am here tonight. You cry all you need and then get some sleep."
I bury my face in her chest and cry until I fall asleep.
