Lilliana December 2016
Today is Usnavi's wedding. I've waited for this day since he was 15. I've know they are the perfect couple even when they were young.
I am helping Javier get ready while Usnavi's friends help him get ready.
"Javi, are you ready for mommy and daddy to be married?"
"What's married Abuela?"
"It's what abuelo and I are. It means two people promise to love each other forever."
"Will mommy and daddy love each other forever?"
"Yes. They have loved each other since they were kids. I don't see that ever changing."
"Will you and Abuelo love each other forever?"
"Forever and ever."
Luis hears us and smiles. He walks over and kisses me.
"Abuelo, eww!"
He laughs and picks up Javier. "What, you don't like it when I kiss Abuela?"
"No Abuelo."
He laughs and kisses Javier. "Just like your daddy. Sorry bud, I like kissing Abuela."
While they are talking, I get a pounding headache.
"Love, are you okay?" Luis asks me.
"Yeah. Just a headache."
"Javier, go see Abuela. I'm going to get her some medicine."
Usnavi and Vanessa have a beautiful wedding. Luis and I dance the night away after. By the end of the night, I have a terrible headache and he takes me to bed a little early. Daniella and Carla are watching the kids.
"Love, are you okay?" Luis asks as he crawls into bed with me.
"Yeah. I have just been stressed getting to this point. I'll be okay after a good night's sleep."
He lays down and I curl into him. He kisses me so passionately, I am breathless when he pulls away.
"You know what, I think I'll feel a little better if I make love to my husband."
He doesn't hesitate to kiss me again and let his hand go between my thighs. His eyebrows raise.
"I see someone is ready for this."
I thrust my hips, needing friction. "Please Luis, make love to me. It has been a few days and I need you."
"Okay Love. Okay." He smiles.
He removes my clothes and I help him with his. When he enters me, we both sigh in relief. It doesn't take long for us to both find satisfaction and I fall asleep in his arms. Before I fall asleep, he whispers, "I love you so much Lilliana."
Lilliana June 2017
I am sick in bed again when Usnavi comes in with the kids.
"Mom, I brought soup and came to help with the twins."
He walks in my room and comes and sits beside me in bed.
"How are you feeling?" He asks, laying a hand on my head.
"I'm okay baby. Just hacking a lung out."
"Mom, you have a fever. I think you need to go to the doctor."
I cough and groan in pain. I have been coughing all week and my body hurts. When I remove my hand, a look of panic comes over Usnavi's face.
"Mom, you're coughing up blood. I'm calling an ambulance. You are not okay."
I try to argue but begin to couch again. When I finish, I am exhausted and have tunnel vision. Usnavi comes in with a wet washcloth.
"I've called 911. They should be here in ten minutes. Vanessa is on her way to watch the kids and the twins. Even if she isn't here before the ambulance, they will be okay for ten minutes. Dad will meet us at the hospital," he says, wiping my face. Mari comes in the room a moment later.
"Mommy, what's going on?"
I go to touch her face and see blood on my hand, so I stop.
"I'll be okay honey. I just need to go to the doctor. Vanessa will be here soon. If we leave before the ambulance gets here, lock the door and look after your niece and nephew. Now, head out just in case what I have is contagious. We don't want to risk passing it to Iris."
I see fear in her eyes but she nods.
"Mari, baby, it will be okay. I love you."
"Love you too mommy."
Ten hours later, Luis and I are sitting together in the hospital. They determined I busted a blood vessel when coughing and that is why I coughed up the blood. They are running test to make sure it is not something more serious. Usnavi went to be with the twins a few hours ago but he is texting Luis often. They also have me on oxygen because my saturation levels are low.
"Mrs Mendonza, we got your CT scans back. There is a mass in your lower lobe of your right lung."
"What does that mean?" Luis asks, holding my hand.
"We would like to do a biopsy to determine what it is. We also want to do a full body scan to determine if there are any other masses."
"When?" I ask.
"I would like to do it first thing in the morning. All your symptoms leave me concerned and I want to figure this out right away."
I nod, trying not to cry.
"She will do it."
"Good. Your oxygen levels still are not great, so we will keep you over night and monitor you."
I nod and the doctor leaves. Luis crawls into the bed with me and holds me.
"It will be okay Love."
I can't say anything. I simply let him hold me and shake.
Later that night, after falling asleep, I hear Luis praying. He is sitting beside the bed, eyes closed, and hands folded.
"Please, let her be okay. I can't lose her. She is my soul mate. We survived 9/11 together. She literally pulled me from the south tower. Don't let my fear and stupidity be the thing to kill her." He says crying. "I know so many people, who were near the towers, who died of cancer. Don't let her be another."
I touch his face and he jumps.
"It will be okay. Even if this is cancer, I am going to fight."
Luis kisses my hand and holds it close to his face.
"I love you so much. I feel so guilty. If I hadn't have frozen that day, we would have been farther away from the towers when they collapsed. You wouldn't have breathed in so much of the toxic dust and smoke."
"Luis, the only reason I didn't freeze is because I knew Usnavi was waiting for us. That day was absolutely terrifying. I am so thankful I was there and I didn't lose you that day. Now, please lay down with me and try not to worry until we know there is something to worry about."
He lays in the bed with me again and we hold each other.
Lilliana July 2017
"Lilly, Love, Usnavi and his family are here."
I nod and get up. Luis wraps an arm around my shoulder.
"This won't be easy, but they will take it okay."
I nod and lean into my husband, dreading the news I have to give my kids.
We walk into the living room and Javier runs to me. I scoop him up and hug him tight.
"Mom, what's going on?" Marisol asks.
"Sit down guys. Your dad and I need to talk to you guys."
I sit down and Mari is by my side in a second. Jaime is on my other side. I take their hands and look at my husband. He nods and I take a deep breath, finding the right words.
"Guys, last week... I was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer."
Mari and Jaime look confused. Usnavi looks heartbroken.
"What does that mean mama?" Jaime asks.
"It means mom will have to have surgery and then go through something called Chemo. The cancer is also in her lymph nodes and hopefully the chemo will help kill any cancer cells in her body," Luis says, putting on a strong facade.
"Are you going to die mommy?" Mari asks.
I turn and gently grab her face. "I am going to do everything I can to keep that from happening. I...I am very sick but I believe these treatments will help. I want to be there.... For all your big events," I say, tears forming in my eyes.
Mari and Jaime wrap their arms around me tightly. Jamie begins to cry and I do my best to comfort him. Marisol sits there looking stunned. Usnavi walks up to Luis and they embrace. When Usnavi hugs his dad, Luis breaks down into tears.
"Mommy, why is Abuelo and Tio sad?"
Vanessa looks at me heartbroken but then looks at her son. "We will talk about it later baby."
With my surgery two days away, we spend the next two days together. We watch movies and eat food. We enjoy the time we can before life changes.
