Usnavi May 2020
The moment mom screams for my dad, my heart shatters. Her and dad were soulmates. Their love inspired my love to Vanessa. Seeing their love, helped me when I doubted I would ever be with Vanessa again.
I run to mom and take her in my arms. She continues to scream and cry for dad. Vanessa comes up beside her.
"You're not alone Lilliana. We are here. Everything will be okay, we are here." Vanessa whispers, stroking her hair.
Mom continue to scream and cry for about forty five minutes. It feels like an eternity before she finally falls asleep. While I hold her, to make sure she is asleep, I look at my scared children. Vanessa is doing what she can to calm them. I also see Jaime looking terrified.
"She is okay brother. Physically, at least, she is okay. How is Mari?"
He wipes his eyes and walks over. "She slept through that. Are you sure she is okay?"
"Her heart beat and breathing seem steady. She is just heartbroken. You know how much her and dad loved each other."
He nods and kisses her head. Mom stirs a little but falls back asleep.
"Help me get her to bed."
Jaime nods and we carry mom to her bed. It is still not made from when dad woke up. Jaime lifts mom's side of the blanket and I lay her down. We cover her up and I kiss her head.
"I will be just in the other room mom."
She stirs and rolls over.
"I'm going to sit with her. I don't want her to wake up alone." Jaime
I nod and hug my brother tight. "How are you doing?"
"I'm sad, but mom and Mari need me. I will cry later," he says. I nod in understanding.
"If you need me, I will be in the kitchen cleaning up. First, I am going to have Vanessa take the kids home."
I walk out and Vanessa wraps me tightly in her arms. I cling to her and let tears fall for a few moments.
"Daddy, is Abuela okay? What happened to Abuelo?" Javi asks.
I pick up my son and kiss his cheek. "Bud, Abuelo died. He is now with my Mama and Papa."
"Why did he die?"
"I don't know. We won't find out for a few more days."
"Is Abuela okay?"
She will be. She is just very sad right now. That is why she screamed like that. She loved your Abuelo so much, it hurts her heart not to have him anymore. You know how you cried when you lost your favorite teddy?"
He nods.
"Well, it's a tiny bit like that, but it hurt Abuela's heart. When your heart hurts like that, it causes some people to scream and cry."
"Oh. Does your heart hurt?"
"Yeah Bud. My heart hurts a lot. I loved my dad so much and will miss him a lot. I... I just don't feel the need to scream like that. I may cry a lot for a while, but I don't need to scream right now. How about you go help your sisters put their shoes on. I need to talk to mommy for a moment."
He nods and I set him down.
"I need to stay here with my siblings and mom. Would you take the kids home. Everything here is so heavy right now. I can also see Cami getting tired and is ready for her nap. I also need to start calling family and friends."
"Usnavi, I don't want to leave you right now. I see how broken you are right now."
"Thank you Vanessa, but I just need to be busy right now. Please, it will make me feel better if the kids are comfortable at home."
She sighs but kisses me. "Okay, but I'm calling my moms. When they get here, I'm coming back to be with you. I don't want you alone right now."
I rest my head to her's, not saying anything. I kiss her one more time. "Okay, call me when they get here. Also, could you go ahead and let Dani know. I need to call my aunts and uncles."
"Of course. I love you Usnavi."
"I love you too... Amor."
My voice breaks on my last word, thinking of my dad. I reel my emotions back in and help get Vanessa and the kids out the door. When I am alone, I sit and cry sit several minutes. After, I find my dad's phone. Since I know his passcode, I start calling friends and family.
Several hours later, Jaime had fallen asleep in mom and dad's bed. Around three, mom comes out of the bedroom. I don't say anything, I just hug her. She cries for a moment and then stops.
"I have already called all of dad's brothers and sisters. They said to call when when know the details for the funeral. Vanessa called Daniella for me. The coroner's office called and said the autopsy will be tomorrow night or the next day. I have called a funeral home and stated working on those details. We will meet with them tomorrow."
Mom takes a deep breath but sighs. "You have been busy."
"Yeah. I have to do something. Jaime, I'm sure you saw, is asleep in your bed. Mari, last I checked, was still asleep."
"I just checked on her. She is out. I suspect she has woken back up and cried herself back to sleep half a dozen times. I did."
I nod, not able to say anything.
"Usnavi, baby, how are you doing?"
"I'm sad, but I've been busy."
"Have your cried yet? It might do you some good. I see so much tension in your body."
"I'm good mom. I've had a few moments to cry, but things need to get planned. There are so many things that need to be done. Plus, you and the twins will need dinner soon."
She walks over and takes my face in her hands. She looks me deep in the eyes. "Usnavi, take a breath. Things can wait. What is more important, at the moment, is that you process this. Don't hold in your emotions."
As she talks, my eyes fill with tears. She takes me to the couch and holds me as I cry. At one point, I feel Vanessa's hand on my head but I continue to cry for a while.
"I'm going to miss him so damn much," I eventually sputter out.
"I know baby. So will I," mom says kissing my head. "So will I, but we have each other and that is what matters."
After a while, I eventually calm down. She kisses my head again. "You sit here with Vanessa , Mari, and Jaime. I am going to make dinner."
That is when I notice the twins next to us. I sit up and Vanessa gets behind me. I lean into her and she kisses my head. Jaime and Mari sit beside us. They each snuggle into us and we all just sit.
Two days later, I am helping mom finish planning the funeral, when her phone rings. She answers, responds to a few questions, and then hangs up.
"That was the coroner's office. We know what took Luis."
"What was it?"
"Massive heart attack, like I suspected."
"He seemed really healthy! How could this have happened?"
"I guess he had some cholesterol problems that none of us knew about. One of his major artery that lead to his heart had become completely blocked off."
"Oh."
I walk over and wrap mom in a hug. We hold each-other and cry for what feels like the millionth time in three days.
Dad's funeral is the next day. Marisol is a mess throughout the service. She cries uncontrollably. Her and dad had a close bond and I can see what is loss is doing to her. All I can do is hold her and try to comfort her. Mom cries but I can see her trying to be strong for us.
My little Cami also takes it hard. She was close with her Abuelo. She doesn't fully understand but knows her Abuelo isn't coming back.
After the funeral, Vanessa takes me home and we spend the night in each other's arms. She does all she can to comfort me.
