Luis April 2017
Lilliana had her first chemo appointment today. She had surgery last month to remove the tumor. They were able to get all of the tumor in her lung. Now, we worry about the lymph nodes. Today is the first of many treatments.
We are getting home when she starts to look green. I hand her a sick bag just in time. When she is done, I throw it in the trash. As I turn around, she is crying. She always cries when the throws up.
"I'm sorry." She cries.
"Hey, there is nothing to be sorry about. The doctor told us to expect this. I'm here if you need me. The puke doesn't bother me. Now, let's get you upstairs and get you a glass of water."
I wrap my arm around her and she lays her head on my shoulder. I kiss her head and help her upstairs.
Luis May 2017
It has been a month since Lilly started her treatments. The treatments have been hard on her body, but she is doing really well according to her doctor. Her biggest side effects right now is the puking. The chemo has been really hard on her stomach.
When I wake up, I roll over to wrap an arm around Lilly. When I reach out, her side of the bed is empty. That is when I hear crying coming from the bathroom. I get up and see her in the bathroom, holding a chunk of hair in her hand.
"Lilliana, Love, what's wrong?"
She turns to me, tears rolling down her face.
"I got up to go to the bathroom when I noticed it on my pillow. I... I knew this would happen. I just... I didn't expect it to happen so quickly. I know I'm being shallow but...it just sucks."
That is when I notice the bald spot on the side of her head. I walk up and wrap her in my arms. She cries into my shoulder for several minutes.
"Lilly, this hair loss proves you are a fighter. I don't care if you have hair or not, you are just as beautiful either way. If you want, with just a little manipulation, we can cover the hair loss for a little bit longer."
She turns her face up to kiss me. "I don't know what I would do without you. I think, I want to just go ahead and cut it off. That way, I don't leave long curly hair everywhere I go."
"Are you sure? This is a big step."
She nods and touches the bald spot.
"If that is what you want, I will support you. Do you want to do it today?"
"Yeah, let's get it over with."
She goes into my drawers and pulls out my clippers. She hands them to me, hands shaking.
"Let me get you a stool Love."
I kiss her deeply before going to get her something to sit on. When she sits down, I begin to shake.
"Are you sure you want to do this now? You have time before it is noticeable."
She nods. "I want to get it over with."
She then pick up the clippers, turns them on, and swipes it across her head. We both begin to cry when she touches the shaved part. I wipe her tears and kiss her softly. I then gently take the clippers and help her shave the rest of her hair. It doesn't take long and we are both silently crying when I finish. After, we remove our clothes and shower together. I wash her body and remove all the little hairs before holding her to me. We stand holding each other until the water runs cold. I kiss her before wrapping her in a towel and taking her back to our bed.
"Let's get dressed and I will make you and the twins waffles."
"That sounds delicious. I don't have treatments today and will actually be able to keep my food down. While you cook breakfast, I will clean up all the hair."
Ten minutes later, Mari and Jaime are talking with me when Lilly walks out.
"Mom! Your hair is gone!" Jaime says stunned.
She smiles and walks over to hug him. "Yeah baby, it was falling out. Dad and in shaved it this morning."
"Can I feel mom?" Marisol asks.
Lilliana laughs and bends down.
"Whoa. It feels weird!"
She laugh again and turns to Jaime. "Do you want to feel?"
"I... I have to go to the bathroom."
He jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After a moment, we hear him crying from the bathroom.
"I'll go talk to him," Lilly says.
When she leaves, Mari turns to me. "Jaime is really struggling with mom's cancer."
"How are you doing Babygirl?"
"It sucks, but I believe mom will be okay. I have to believe that. I can't think of it going any other way."
I walk over and hug her tightly. "I agree Babygirl."
I kiss her head and go back to making breakfast.
