My Dearest Girl

Hello(s) and Goodbye(s): Part Four

A/N: This chapter has a lot of internal distress, relationship gaslighting and other trauma. Please be kind to Eddie.  Along with Ellie handling her own distress. Everyone processes trauma and grief differently. No one should be alone, call for support. Please read at your own risk.⚠️⚠️

Eddie POV:
I got home and instantly felt guilty. It was nighttime... I could just drive back. I could just forget the mild panic attack. But maybe this was a good thing, see what is wrong and work through it.

Go back. Eddie just man up.

No. The idea of heading back and being next to Ellie, being helpless and useless to her. It was worse than the idea of having to apologize to her tomorrow at school. I would rather her look at me and know I wasn't worth her love than go back and cave into this feeling.

Would she be at school? I don't think she will. I should go back...

I opened my trailer door, maybe shower first, smoke, spend some time to myself. As soon as I put my keys on the counter I heard the phone. I didn't want to pick it up, but I knew it was probably Wayne.

"Munson residence." I spoke softly

"Eddie?" Mattie's voice came over clearly. I instantly felt the guilt trickle back into my stomach.

"Yea, what is up Mattie?" I was trying to make it sound super okay that I was at home and not with Ellie.

"I was just checking to see if Wayne was home." Mattie said softly, "Gareth is in the shower."

"Are you going to tell me what is going on?" I was leaning on the counter now and she sighed.

"Are you going to tell me why you are home? Ellie needs you." Her voice was soft, "What's going on? You were fighting at the party to."

"I'm not sure either." It was the first time I had been really honest, there was no reason to be acting this immature, I just didn't want Ellie to hurt me. That was what it boiled down to, I didn't think she was worth me putting myself in a situation to be hurt. I'm an asshole.

"Eddie. Figure it out. You are going to lose her." Mattie's voice was very harsh.

"I know." I hung up the phone, she wouldn't call back. I looked over at the coffee pot, it sounded like a good idea to make some. I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon.

I needed to have a real conversation with myself. I wanted to punch myself in the face. I stood up and walked over to my room, opening the door I could see all the sheets disheveled from Ellie and I just this morning. I collapsed into my bed and instantly am filled with regret. Her smell is all over my bed, my body starts to want her touch, I am an idiot.

Go back.

I should get up, run back to her, apologize. I need my arms around her, could I actually be okay knowing I would never hold her again?

Knock Knock

The sound of someone at my door pulled me from my panic. Who the fuck was here at this time of night? I didn't have any regulars that still came by the house. Maybe it's Ellie...

A sense of dread hits me, maybe she noticed I was gone and came here to see why I left? What would I say, who could I blame....

Knock Knock Knock

"Alright!" I screamed, "Hold your fucking tits!"

I swing open the door and to my surprise Chrissy Cunningham, the bane of my existence, is standing at my door. She has tears in her eyes and she just looks up at me from her perfect fucking face.