One and only

Chapter 28~ ocean

"I always felt happiest when we were together the three of us we were undividable they knew it all, they knew all about me, my life, problems, issues, because they were going through them with me"

"unfortunately I never found that kind of relationship with anyone after it ended"

"what about Mia" he asks

"Grey... don't get me wrong I love Mia with all my heart but I was with them my whole life, we grow up together, my 15 years of life it as all with them, the love that I had for them was indescribable"

"I just- I really want to tell you what really happened but it's like words can't describe"

"don't push yourself Bella, you don't have to be direct with your words" he looks at me with his hazel eyes waiting for me to think and continue

"the only thing that comes to my mind is ocean" color of Alex's eyes

"ocean" he questions

"yea, his love reminded me of ocean, at times it was deep and felt endless, the love had no beginning it felt like we were born to love each other" I chuckle on my words and remember how pathetic I was to think that

"I craved it more and more but as deep as I was going into the ocean he did something that made me think that I was drowning in it" I hope he understood that I meant love in ocean

"I mean they... they did something that made me think I was sinking" I corrected myself

"they" he questions in his soft one while playing with my hair

"Caroline was like sun she has the most breathtaking hair color"

"she's a ginger her hair naturally is straight but she always used to curl them so it lost its natural form" I sign

"how did you deal with the pain" he asks something that I don't want to say out loud because if I do I know

I just know the only thing I will see in his eyes will be pity

I can't tell him how I managed to switch mental pain into physical

"do you think you will be able to be in relationship" he changes the question

"i'm working on it" I know it hasn't been long time since all that happened but one particular act makes my healing process easier

But it leaves ugly scars

"I just... every time I imagine myself with someone, I feel like the ending will be the same"

"but for now i'm okay being single, is it boring? yes sometimes but as long as I have books i'm okay"

"what do you mean" he asks

"for me books are the only way of escaping reality, reading how characters end up together after what they went through together makes me happy and even it's for an instant im okay with it"

"so you are okay wasting 9 hours of your life on reading books for moment of happiness"

"as long as I am sure that they will have happy ending yes because that's why I read them"

"the books you hold in your hands are dreams, dreams that you wish one day will become true"

I smile and say "you are right I wish but unfortunately I don't live in a book I live in a place where happy endings are only in books"

"what if it's possible" he questions

"no one knows that, we have no guarantee"

"you are right we have no guarantee but that's how life works, of course they will hurt you and you will hurt them maybe not intentionally but still"