Scars of Glass | Chishiya x reader

VI

Disclaimer: Hi, this chapter contains mentions of sexual harassment. Please click off if you are easily disturbed since this is a sensitive topic.

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Tossing and turning in his bed, Chishiya wondered if he had been too hard on you. It wasn't that Chishiya lacked emotional intelligence, quite the contrary actually, he knew exactly what he was doing.

It was just that he knew you well, he knew that you liked to look at the big picture, looking and taking everything into perspective to get the most accurate and beneficial outcome for the given situation.

He also knew that when you were under immense pressure or stress, you could act irrationally, immorally, as if you turn into a completely different person in those split seconds when you are faced with a morally intrinsic situation.

And that was what he was afraid of.

He knew that if he was in a life-or-death situation, you would do the selfless act of sacrificing yourself for him, and he hated it.

He hated thinking about it.
He hated the idea of it.
He hated the very real possibility of it occurring,
and how you would have to die because of his mistakes.

He hated that you cared about him enough to put yourself in harm's way and he hated that you felt enough of an emotional connection towards him to want to do that without any second thoughts.

It was moments like this where Chishiya wished he had never gone to that park that day, because at least then he wouldn't have to deal with the very real pain of losing you in a world he didn't want to be in.

A dangerous and cruel world.

He thought about what he would do if you were in a life-or-death situation, could he act as selfless as you?

He felt like shit knowing there was a possibility that he wouldn't save you and he would be like his father, selfish and shallow to the person he was supposed to care about the most, you.

Pushing you away seemed to be the safest bet. This way, you wouldn't do anything stupid when you weren't critically thinking about a situation and he could be at peace knowing that your death wouldn't be on his hands.

Because in his eyes, even if he did save you and you still died, it would be as if he didn't try to begin with.

He knew that you were probably thinking of leaving, going solo since you'd rather be alone than be treated like shit. Chishiya inhaled slightly as a thought quickly popped into his mind, was he treating you like your father did?

You never spoke too much about your father, but Chishiya knew how he was since he'd seen his behaviour firsthand. The hitting, yelling and especially the treating you like you didn't mean anything to him, but were a mere accessory to his family.

At least Chishiya knew why you had such terrible taste in men.

He sat up on his bed, thinking a glass of water would help clear his mind he reached for the bottle of water on his desk, twisting off the lid and taking a sip before immediately spitting it out, this wasn't water.

"What the fuck?" He cursed, his tongue tingling with an explosion of salt and alcohol. Quickly reaching for the other bottle to wash away the horrid taste, he resisted the urge to swallow.

"So this is why she wanted her squirt gun back." He sighed, knowing your intentions with this weapon was to ward off lawless, mindless players who could or would try to rape or kill you, and something like this could give you a split second to escape from the attacker's grasp.

Chishiya's lips pressed together while his mind drifted back to a time when you had gotten your first job at a hardware store. You were excited to finally be making your own money and could eventually buy the stuff that you'd always wanted, like a phone. However, he noticed that you slowly stopped mentioning work, and whenever he would bring up your job or ask how it was going, you'd tense up or change the subject.