Faster We Run (Layne Staley! - Alice in Chains X OFC) OC

Goodbye

Today is the day where we officially say goodbye.

My heart can't take it.

Layne passed away a couple of weeks ago and Mike's call to me was devastating.

I was given leave by Stone who was totally understanding. He told me to take whatever time I needed to mourn.

He would join me at the funeral, along with the rest of the Pearl Jam members and managers.

I don't even see the point of wearing make up. I'll just end up crying it all away, but I do for Layne. I'll make an effort the way I did when he was alive. It sounds stupid but putting make up on is a mask, and it relaxes me.

I sit in my apartment with a coffee and apply some waterproof mascara to my top and bottom lashes, although it's difficult when you have been tearful continuously for 2 weeks.

I'm wearing a black midi dress with some black stilettos and my long blonde hair straightened, the way Layne liked it most.

Stone is taking me, and I'm waiting for him to arrive.

Once he does, I meet him outside and we head off once I'm in the car.

"Hey...you look nice." Stone smiles.

"Thanks Gossard. I don't feel it." I reply.

"I know today is gonna be tough, but I got you. You need a shoulder to cry on I'm there, need a joint? I'm there. Just know, that I'm here for you." He states.

"Thanks Stone. I appreciate it."
I smile.
"I think I'll need that joint sooner than later."

I look out the window and think about Layne. The good times we had together, the really fucking good times that I didn't want to let go of.

His smile when he thought of a dirty joke, his laugh, his voice, his touch. The numerous times we made love and how good it felt, not just the obvious way, but the way my heart felt so full and content.

He was gone and I kinda knew in the back of my mind that it might come to this someday, I never really prepared myself for when it did happen.

Even the last time he told me he still loved me, it replays over and over in my head.

I feel like I should have done more, but could I of? If I had staged an intervention, would it have worked? Would he still be here? Could we have had our life we talked about?

So many questions running through my mind, and no answers to them.

Once we get to the funeral, we see masses of people outside, and even fans lining up to pay their respects.

Stone parks up and I loop my arm into his as we walk up the steps to the building.

I see a few people I know from my past, members of the bands Seattle was famous for. Soundgarden, of course the Pearl Jam members which I knew were going, all of the Alice in Chains guys and a few others. Not to mention Layne's family and friends.

I see Mike Starr standing with some friends of Layne's. I go over and hug him. He has sunglasses on so it's hard to read him properly, but I know for certain it's damn difficult for him. Layne was his best friend.

"You look great...Layne would have told me when he saw you, how much he loved your style." Mike smiles.

"Thanks. You scrub up well too." I reply.

I see Sean Kinney holding some flowers and looking down. I've never seen him tearful until today. Usually Sean is the comic relief in a situation, but not today. He is struggling like so many of us.

I hug him and I feel his arms tighten around my waist as he tries not to fall to pieces.

"Hey Taryn." He says into my ear as we embrace.

"Hey Sean." I reply.

We break from our embrace and I see his eyes in floods of tears. He pats down his jacket to find his shades and then puts them on, with a few tears falling down his cheeks.

He wants to be alone and mourn and that's fair enough.

The funeral had gone as well as it could of and I had a seat next to Mike Starr. He took my hand throughout the procession and gripped it, as we were both hurting bad. He wanted me to know he was always there, no matter what happened.

I couldn't help it. When the curtains closed around the coffin, I burst into tears and turned to Mike who took me in for an embrace.

"I got you." He whispered.

I'm pretty sure everyone could hear my cries but in that moment I needed to release the tension within, I needed to mourn my ex fiance.

Once the proceedings had finished, we all made our way outside.

"I'm gonna grab a drink, you want one?" Mike asks.

"Yeah, um something strong." I say. "I don't care what."

"No problem, I'll be back soon." He replies.

I liase with a few other people including Mike Inez, Chris Cornell and Layne's family, before setting my eyes on Jerry.

Despite his wall he puts up about his emotions, it's pretty clear that protection is crumbling away. He isn't as social as he once was, and understandably during this time.

Him and Layne had their ups and downs, but they were like brothers. Always there for each other even though they maybe miles apart. Jerry like many others has shades on to hide the tears, he has a tailored black suit which looks so good on him and a cigarette in hand.

I walk over to him and he looks at me. I don't know whether he'll just straight up ignore me or pull me in for an embrace. We have such a history together and I still have feelings for him even though what we had ended long ago. I loved Layne with all my being, but even then I still had love for Jerry. It was a different kind of love to what me and Layne had, like an on again and off again situation, but the respect was there.

"Taryn..." he says, his lips quivering slightly like he is going to breakdown.
He takes a draw from the cigarette and throws it on the ground, stamping on it.

"Hey Jerry.." I say. I take both his hands into mine.

"This doesn't feel fucking real." He says solemnly.

I shake my head.
"I know. Life is cruel."

"How have you been?" He asks trying to start a conversation away from the current situation.

"Truthfully? Fucking awful." I admit. I look down, a tear falling.

"I was on tour when I found out...I thought someone was playing a sick fucking joke when I got the call." He says.

My hands leave his for a moment and my right hand caresses his cheek. The roughness of his beard, but the coldness of his skin. He'd been in LA for a little while so he had become a little tanned, but the Seattle air soon came back to him.

"I missed you." He says.

"I missed you too." I reply.