Little White Lies {Completed}

Chapter Sixteen

"I want to go over there. They're taking too long."

"No, Kenzi."

"Please, Jed."

"No."

Kenzi paced around the kitchen, turning when she heard the doorbell. "Any news?" She heard Jeremy ask quietly. Jed shook his head and closed the door.

Jeremy wrapped Kenzi tightly in his arms, holding her head against his chest. "I'm sorry baby. Hopefully it's just a cry for attention, huh?"

"Will you take me over there? Please?"

"What? No! Kenzi, the cops will call. They're probably just talking to him and they'll call when they're done."

"I can't stand just waiting and doing nothing."

"I know," Jeremy yawned.

"I'm sorry. Jed insisted on calling you, I probably got both of you out of bed for nothing."

"Much as I'm disgusted at what he did to you, I hope you did."

"Here," Jed handed her a cup of tea. "Sit, drink."

She sat down and the doorbell rang again. "Did you call anyone else, Jed?"

"No," he said on his way to the door. He looked through the door and shot a look to Jeremy as he opened it. "Please, come in. Would you like a drink or something?" Kenzi heard him say. A male and a female police officer entered from the hallway and Kenzi put down her tea. It was only after a few seconds, and seeing a subtle shake of Jed's head as a signal to Jeremy, that she realised why they were there. Jeremy caught her halfway to the floor and sat her on the couch, his arm around her shoulders.

"Miss Sullivan, I'm very sorry. We attended the apartment and found a man we believe to be Ethan White deceased. Evidence in the apartment suggests he took a deliberate overdose. I understand he was your partner? We need to ask you some questions if you're up to it."

Kenzi felt as though someone had switched on autopilot. On the outside she was functioning calmly and rationally, but under the surface she couldn't choose an emotion. Anger threatened to make her scream, devastation and sadness made her want to fall on the floor and cry. Everything in between just swam around in her brain, making her dizzy. She couldn't understand what anyone was saying without effort, and it was all she could do to hold herself upright.

She nodded slowly.

"You made a report the day before yesterday, you felt threatened and had to leave the apartment while he was out?"

"Yes."

"And you received a text last night that made you believe he might take his own life?"

"Yes."

"Has he talked about it before tonight?"

Kenzi nodded. "He has said for years if I ever left him, he would kill himself."

"Before we go any further, you need to know you are not in any way responsible for this." The male officer said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Can you tell us what happened the night you left?"

"I had come home from working in Scotland and had decided to leave. For years he had been controlling and forceful with me and while I was there, I realised I didn't have to put up with it. I planned to leave while he was at work yesterday, but he wanted us both to take a day off and try to work things out. When I said I had to work, he asked me how injured I would have to be to take the day off. After I left he said he would find me, that it wasn't over. He said two or three times he would end his own life. I thought it was probably just to get me to come back. It's worked before."

"Thank you, Miss Sullivan. Again, we're very sorry."

"Will you contact his family?"

"Yes, officers are on their way now."

"God, they will be devastated. They had no idea."

Jed walked them out while Kenzi and Jeremy stayed in the lounge room. She was numb, so many emotions, thoughts and feelings spinning around inside her they seemed to cancel one another out, leaving her with nothing. When Jed returned both he and Jeremy watched her, waiting for a reaction. She looked at Jed, her face expressionless. "You should go back to bed. I'm fine, really. Jeremy, you should go home and get some rest."

"The only way I'm going home is if you come with me."

"Is that the only way the two of you are going to sleep?"

"Kenzi you don't have to hold it together for us."

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. Take me with you, then."

"You don't have to come with me if you'd rather stay here."

"I want to come with you. Let's go."

Jeremy was concerned about the complete lack of emotion Kenzi was displaying after the flood she had experienced earlier, but he knew she needed to sleep and process what had happened and took her to the car without argument.

When they got inside everything was dark, and Jeremy led her straight to the bedroom. When they got there Kenzi turned and kissed him, probing his lips gently with her tongue. She fumbled with the hem of his shirt, trying to remove it, and he grabbed hold of her hands.

He sighed, grappling with conflicted feelings. "Kenzi, I don't think this is a good idea?"

"Why? You didn't mind the last two times."

"Because... you've had the night from hell. You're going to mourn and you need to deal with all the emotions that go with it. I'm here, and I'll do whatever you need me to, but I don't think this is a good idea."
"I might as well have stayed at Jed's," she huffed, heading for the guest bedroom.
Jeremy followed her and grabbed her hand, spinning her around and holding her tight against him. "You have no idea how much I want you, Kenzi. I'm not rejecting you, I just think you're trying to avoid dealing with how you're feeling."
"My controlling and abusive ex has ended his own life to spite me. He's dead, Jeremy. I should be relieved."
"You could be relieved, and that would be a completely valid reaction. But you're not, that's not you. You're hurt and sad and devastated. You loved him. You told me once he was a controlling bastard but he was also familiar and predictable."
"Well now I hate him. For making me feel like this. Fuck, I'm going to have to deal with his family and pretend he was the loving boyfriend they think he was. I want to hate him." She squashed her face hard in to his chest, trying to quell the anger and sadness rising in her chest and stop the tears from falling. Instead she was sobbing loudly, dignity out the window. It felt like hours had passed when her legs gave way beneath her and Jeremy carried her to his bed, laying her down gently and holding her tight while she fell in to a fitful sleep.