Home is a person - Lizzie Olsen

-2-

My stupid alarm goes off again. 6am, so fun! I decide to put more effort into my outfit today and I throw on some cargo pants and a black top. Not much of an improvement, but oh well. I put some mascara and concealer on, this time adding a little blush. I mentally prepare myself as I walk down the stairs for my parents idiotic comments.

"Morning." I mutter, reaching to grab an apple.  I decide that if I want to get better, I need to try.

"Woah, you gonna eat? Careful, don't wanna eat too much." My mom says, my dad bursting out laughing.

I put the apple down, and I leave my house. Tears litter my face as I start my walk to school. Why can't they just care for me? Why do they lack so much empathy towards me? I realize i'm at school 20 minutes early, but I decide to go sit in my English classroom as I'm already done with this day.

"Oh good morning Freya!" Miss Olsen says, giving me that same warm smile.

"...morning" I mutter, my eyes still glossy.

"Oh sweetheart, is everything okay?" She asks. With that, I start to sob. 

"Aw honey," she coos, wrapping her arm around me.

"I'm s-sorry" I manage to cry out.

"You have nothing to be sorry about" She says, softly. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"No..it's okay, i'm fine. Just a tough morning." I choke out.

"Okay lovely, i'm always here for you if you need." She says, smiling.

"Thanks." I say, quietly returning a smile. I find a seat, and other students start coming in. Fuck my mascara is probably a mess. I quickly wipe the smudges of mascara off my face, and I try to pay attention to this lesson.

I'm so fucking hungry, but my mom's words keep replaying in my head. Why isn't recovery easy?

The bell rings, and Miss Olsen approaches me. "Hey are you still okay to meet after school?" She asks, softly.

Oh right, I forgot about that. "Oh yep, that should be fine. Thanks." I say in reply.

"Okay, if you ever need to talk sweetheart, i'm here for you. Now have a good rest of your day." She says, smiling at me.

"Thanks, you too!" I say, and rush to my next class...science.

I find a seat, and the teacher starts the lesson. I was able to do some work in the hospital, and science is naturally easy for me, so I don't mind this subject. Once she gives us our assignments, I start right away. After an hour, the bell rings for lunch. I don't think i'll be able to eat, but my stomach makes a noise. Oh fuck you. I decide to go sit with Gracie today, so I walk around the school trying to find her. I finally find her outside, leaning agaisnt a tree, reading.

"Hey," I say to her.

"Oh hi! Come sit." She says, patting down a spot on the grass beside her.

"You hungry?" She asks, offering me a price of her sandwich.

"Oh no, I already ate." I lie.

"You sure?" She asks, with a smile of concern.

"Mhm." I say. "Whatcha reading?"

" 'A Good Girls Guide to Murder', it's really good."

"Oh my god, I read that in the hospital!" I say.

We spent the lunch break giggling and laughing about books. The bell rings and we head off to our classes.

-time skip to the end of the day-

The last bell finally goes off, and I head to my English class and knock on the door.

"Come in, honey!" Miss Olsen beams.

"Hey," I say.

"Hi, take a seat!" She says, eating a granola bar.

"You hungry?" She asks.

"No, i'm good." I lie, but my stomach gives my lie away.

"Fuck," I mutter under my breathe.

"Your stomach says otherwise, don't worry I don't bite. Here have a cookie" She says, handing me the cookie.

I take it, but just stare at it.

"Are you going to eat it?" Miss Olsen asks, with a tint of worry in her voice.

"I uh-" I feel the tears spill out of my eyes again.

"Hey honey, it's okay. Tell me what's going on" She coos.

"Please I can't eat now." I cry out.

"It's okay, you don't need to eat it. Please tell me what's happening? Are you okay, lovely?" She asks, giving me a reassuring smile.

I would say i'm just not hungry, but nobody cries over that. "It's nothing, it's fine." I mutter.

"No, your not okay sweetheart." She says in reply.

"Shouldn't we start the english work?" I ask, trying to ignore her statement.

"English can wait, you are more important." She says, Tell me what's going on."

Can't get out of this one. "Uhm, when I was away for all that time I was in the hospital for uhm anorexia and uh yeah." I mumble.

"Oh honey, i'm sorry." She says.

"It's fine. Uh can we start the work?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"I think it's been a long day for you, why don't you go home?" She asks.

Home. If i'd even call it that. "Okay thanks" I say, leaving. I start my walk...home.