Cold Heart

Chapter 3: My Darkest Hour

It's a couple of weeks before my mum can come home. Courtesy of the NHS, we were able to ensure our home was equipped with special equipment to help my mum. Now that my mum couldn't work, it was up to me to pay bills. I know what you're thinking, why can't Bill help, he lives their to. Well, you can't question Bill, not if you want to pay the price.

Now,  life had two purposes. 1.Work and 2.Look after my mum. I had to feed her, wash her, put her to bed and keep her company. Luckily, my mum is only paralysed from neck downwards, so she can still talk. While I do this, Bill sits around, wasting all my money on gambling. Of course, my mum still sees him as an angel. "He's just in shock sweetie." Whatever.

Gambling, gambling, gambling. That's all he does. Until one night, the anger that build up inside me exploded life a fricking volcano.

It was 11pm. I was walking home from work. It was a Monday so I could leave earlier. Obviously I was still late though, but can I help it if I have to work extra hours?

As soon as I open the door, he starts. "Where the fuck have you been?" He states. His speech is slurred. Of course he's been drinking.

"Sorry, I had to help out a bit" I say. I'm still absolutely petrified of him. He can turn by the simplest thing so I try to keep my conversation as light as possible.

"Whatever." He says. He gets up from the chair he sits in all day and walks towards me. I stare, frozen to the spot. He leans down and kisses me on the cheek then strokes it, his hand travelling down to my waist. "Cook me something, I'm starving."

I stand there, frozen, in  shock. He leans down again and kisses me on the forehead. I shiver and close my eyes. I feel disgusted and yet terrified.

 I find the power in my legs and stroll to the kitchen. I start making spaghetti bolognaise. I love baking, it occupies my mind so I take my time, making sure everything is perfect to keep him happy. While waiting for things to cook, I quickly check on my mum.

"Hi mum, how you feeling?"

"I'm okay thanks sweetie. Where's Bill?" She wonders. Every time she mentions that bastards name, her eyes light up.

"He's watching TV" I reply through gritted teeth. She doesn't seem to understand what he's really like. I think deep down she knows, she just can't admit it to herself, can't accept her own mistake of letting a monster into our lives. "I'm making bolognaise, I'll bring some in for you" I smile at her and walk back to the kitchen.

As I stir the food in the pan, I hear him approaching me. I spin around so fast, scared he's going to try something. He makes me so mad. There he is, leaning on the counter as if he owns the place.

"Rae, where's my money?"

"In my coat" I reply, with a dead tone

"Fucking get it then."

I look at him in disbelief. I try to keep my face blank to avoid him snapping,  but I can feel the anger bubbling inside of me.

He looks at me, smiling. "I fucking own you now. I own your whore of a mother, I own whatever money you make and guess what?" He adds, edging forward, "I own this fucking house now so you better do as your told or I swear to God, I'll kick you the fuck out" He shouts.

I look at him. Something inside me snaps, like a tiny, thin thread I've been desperately clinging on to.

 "THIS IS FUCKING UNREAL!" I scream, throwing a glass on the ground. "This isn't your house. You don't fucking own me, this is my dads house so GET THE FUCK OUT."

I feel my face. It's hot and angry. My breathing is ragged. Then I realise what I've just done. I realise the line I've just crossed. He looks at me as if I've just slapped him, as if he can't believe I had the balls to say that. He pushed and pushed and I finally snapped. Before I can even say anything, before I can even think, he punches me in the face and I land on the floor. That's a lie, I basically fly across room, smashing my head against the table. I'm in shock. He. Just. Hit. Me. Before I can even retaliate, or even try to get up,  I feel a blow at my side. Again and again and again. He's kicking me relentlessly. It hurts. It hurts so much that after the fifth kick it feels numb. I touch my face and see a pool of crimson blood oozing out of it. Then he does the worst thing imaginable. He picks me up without effort and leans me over the counter, unbuckling his belt. "No please!" I scream. "Please no I'm sorry!" "Mum! Mum! MUM help me!"

"YOU STUPID BITCH. YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO ME THAT WAY WITHOUT A CONSEQUENCE?" He screams, grabbing the back of my hair.

I cry like I've never cried before. He tries to take off my pants. I feel numb and empty. Through an adrenaline rush, I try to find the closest thing next to me. My hand reaches over to a pan on the side of me and I hit him on the side of the head as hard as I can. He crumbles to the ground with a loud groan. I take to opportunity and run as fast as I can to my mum's room and lock the door. I know what you're thinking, why not run out of the house? But I couldn't think properly. At that moment, all I thought was I need my mum. I know he wasn't going to hold for long. I run into my mum's room and move her dresser to the door, my hands shaking, blood pouring out of me. I can't breath, my cries are agonizing. I stumble over to the window and try to yank it open. It won't budge. It's locked. 

"What's happening!" My mum shouts.

Before I can answer I hear Bill at the door. "Open the fucking door NOW"

I run to my mums side and hold on to her tightly, the two of us screaming and crying. Well, then he gets in reader, he gets through the door,,,

"MUM HELP ME, HELP ME"I cry, forgetting at that moment she's fucking paralysed. I cling on to her but he grabs me and pulls me out of the room. I fight with what little strength I have left. And my mum, my poor mum, she screamed like she was on fire. Shouting things that I couldn't understand. My mind just shut itself off

I guess you can imagine what happens next.