A Song of Ice and Fire | Aegon Targaryen

Ch 24: Attachment Issues

"And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to, what am I supposed to do, if there's no you?"

I sat at my grandfathers bedside as he willowed in pain. I had been spending a lot of my days by his side. Some days were better, some days not. I knew his days were limited and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. 

"My dear Visenya" he said. 

"Yes, grandfather?" I said. 

"There must be a small council meeting your presence is much needed at" he said. 

"There will be plenty of small council meetings when I become Queen.. I'd much rather be by your side" I said. 

He smiled as I placed my hand over his. I turned towards the door as Ser Erryk walked towards us. 

"The Prince Aemond is wanting your assistance in the training yard" he said. 

I looked back at my grandfather who only nodded his head. I stood up from my chair, kissing the top of his head before Ser Erryk and I made our way to the training yard. I held my composure as I saw vivid flashes of Vaella and Saera running down the halls as children. I stopped walking, placing my hand over a broken piece of wall that sent chills down my spine. 

"Slow down!" I yelled.

"We're not going fast!" Saera snapped. 

I walked behind the two as they ran down the hall to our fathers chambers. Saera, within only a few seconds after my protests, fell, dropping the case we were tasked with bringing to our father. It flew into the air, hitting the wall before dropping to the ground. 

I looked at the chipped piece on the ground that came from the wall as I glared at Saera. She quickly stood up, dusting off her dress. I turned around as three knights rounded the corner. 

"Everything okay, princesses?" Ser Rickard asked.

Vaella looked as if she was going to cry. She was only five years old, she cried at nearly everything that inconvenienced her or did it just to do it. 

"I fell" I said. "But I am alright."

I grabbed the case, smiling as Ser Rickard examined me for any injuries. He then saw the chip in the wall glaring at me as I smiled. 

"Be more careful next time" he snapped. 

I nodded, carrying the case all the way to our fathers chambers. Saera stopped before opening the doors as I looked at her confused. 

"Why did you lie?" She asked. 

"Because I will always protect you" I said.

"Princess, are you okay?" Ser Erryk asked. 

I looked at him, nodding my head before removing my hand from the chip. I walked down the steps alone that led down to the training yard as Ser Criston and Aemond sparred. I approached them, clasping my hands together as a part of me felt empty. 

It seemed everywhere I looked I was reminded of my sisters. Saera spent most of her days in the training yard, a place I had been long avoiding since I sent her off to Winterfell. Most of my days were spent cooped in my apartments with Aegon and our sons as my main company. 

Anytime I did step out of my chambers, everyone acted as if it were a miracle. Maybe it was, but maybe I wasn't quite ready to be without my sisters. Vaella's body haunted my dreams, or nightmares as one would call them. I broke out in sweats most nights and some barely even slept to avoid seeing it. 

I had thought I would never feel such pain as I did when my father died but Vaella's death and proved me wrong. Everything about her death had changed me in a way I was almost afraid of. I wasn't afraid of Rhaenyra, or Daemon.. I was afraid of myself. Afraid of what I will do in the future if the antics keep ongoing. 

"Visenya?" Aemond said. 

I looked up, being pulled out of my own head as I force a smile. 

"I figured you should get some fresh air" he said. 

I looked at him with pain. I could see the pain in his face anytime he looked at me. I imagined it was the same way I looked. Vaella's death had affected him as much as it did me. They spent every waking day and night together, sharing a bond that could never be forced. I may have lost my sister but he lost his best friend, his love and his soul when she died. 

"Show me what you've learned" I said. 

I backed up as they went at it again. I found myself growing attached to Aemond since Saera's leave. I never really spent my free time with anyone other than my sisters, and now that they were gone I clung to Aemond. 

He quickly was becoming my second hand man, my biggest supporter I would say. He had been training harder the past few months, becoming one of the best swordsmen in all of the realm at the ripe age of four and ten. 

After much needed fresh air, Aemond and I walked the halls together in a comfortable silence. It took both of us sometime to initiate some form of conversation, not really knowing what to say. 

"They whisper about you" he said. 

"I don't doubt it.. I expect them to actually" I said. 

"It doesn't bother you?" He asked. 

"It's a form of flattery" I said. "I know I am the topic of conversation throughout the realm. Some call me crazy.. some call me courageous... others are not so kind with their words. It does not matter because no matter what they say I will become their Queen."

"It's a wonder my brother fell in love with you" he said. 

I smiled, looking at him. 

"She loved you very much" I said. 

Aemond never showed much emotion ever but when it came to Vaella he was a completely different person. 

"How do you deal with the pain?" He asked. 

"I don't" I said. "The pain doesn't go away no matter what I do. It took everything in my being to send Saera to Winterfell. I didn't want to do it but I knew if she stayed any longer I would lose her too and it's something I would not be able to handle."

"I'm sorry" he said. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for" I said. 

"I'm sorry it had to be you" he said. 

I stopped walking, looking at him with my heart heavy. 

"My father used to tell me the same thing.. he knew my path to the Iron Throne would not be easy and he was right" I said. "I just never expected to lose my whole family."

He walked towards me, throwing his arms around me as I was startled by the gesture. I slowly put my arms around him as I closed my eyes, imagining I was holding Vaella, saying my final goodbye as I knew my days going forward would be filled with someone everyone created out of me.