This Is Me Trying

Chapter 13: Fifty-Fifty

"WAKE UP, wake up!" said a voice in his head but he just groaned in it, tucking the blanket all over his face. He needs more sleep. He badly wanted to rest. To think that he is the boss is also his advantage to ditch work today.

Groaning, he let his heavy lids drive him to sleep once again. However, fifteen minutes have passed, and he stirred awake by the faint sunlight peeking through the thin white curtains in Solis's bedroom...

"White curtains? Solis's bedr—what the fuck?" he exclaimed unbelievably, mouth gaping widely.

He soon realizes something the moment he learns that he's not in the master's bedroom. A gush of memories reels into him. Biting his lips, he swallowed as his deep crimson face showed up when everything made sense. His eyes suddenly seek his wife's presence but when he finds the other side of the bed empty, he panics.

"Where is she?" he asked to himself when the room was too still. "Love?"

He sat up as quickly as he could. Though, still groggy, he still managed to stand up and pick the new set of clothes that he found on the bedside table that was folded nicely. He mentally takes note that Solis placed it there for him.

He can't help the little smile cripples into his thin lips as he dressed up. As quick as the light, he stormed outside the room to look for his beloved woman. He doesn't know why his heart is beating so loud.

"Probably of too much coffee intake," he commented nervously. "Or maybe because I'm screwed after what I've done."

He thought that maybe it was because he slept with Solis which wasn't wrong in the first place considering she is still his wife. But it is not right either to think that Solis even distanced herself from him, which means she won't like to be touched but still he made a very huge mistake when he took advantage of his wife's vulnerability the previous night.

He is sure that Solis is now fuming in anger. "My god, what did I do?"

He composed himself before striding towards the kitchen when he smelled freshly cooked food. He peaked his head to check if anyone was there and was ready to dislodge anything that would surely attack his face but his eyes met nothing but the bowl of crab and corn soup, vegetable salad, garlic rice and a freshly brewed coffee perfectly garnished in the table.

"The food is still freshly prepared..." he scratched his head in confusion. "But where is my muse?"

He examined the empty space of the kitchen. His heart won't stop pounding as he opens the back door but he is only met by the morning mist outside. Clutching his aching chest, he looked everywhere – from upstairs and even in the attic but there was no Solis in there. The whole house is as lonely as his bare heart.

His eyes started to tear up. "Solis? Love? Where are you?"

He called. He shouted and even begged for Solis to show up but there was no Solis who came for him. His last option is the garage and his knees weaken when he can't see her car beside his. With a shaking fist, he goes back upstairs and slowly opens the guest room. He is afraid and is contemplating. He didn't want to check on the closet but still, he reached for it.

That's when he started laughing at himself for his anxious thoughts. He sniffed, wiping his tears away when he saw that Solis hadn't left. Her important stuff is still there. "Stupid, Hayland! She's off to work, you idiot!"

He goes downstairs and feasts on the food that is prepared for him instead. He enjoyed it heartily with a smile plastered on his face. The deeds were simple yet charming – preparing a new set of clothes for him, cooking him breakfast, and even though Solis didn't bother to leave a note, he was contented. Contented in a way that his beloved wife has still her heart for him.

"I'm going to win you back, Sol. Watch me," he mumbles to himself, picturing Solis's beautiful face in the back of his head.

His mood is set for the day just because of the simple things his wife does to him. He even gets bolder on calling her despite his thumping chest. The other line rang about five times before someone picked it up.

"What?" His smile faltered that instant when Solis's irritated voice came to him from the other line.

"L-Love, I just called to say thank you for the wonderful breakfast... and the clothes," he whispered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

"Is that all you're calling for? My god, Hayland. I'm busy working here. Can you keep it to yourself? Bye!" she scolded, dismissing him immediately.

"No, please. I actually have something to say." He clears his throat.

"Make it quick!" she demanded.

"I love you and I'm sorry about last night—"

"Shut up! I hate you!" she grunted before hanging up.

Hayland sighs, looking dreadful at his phone. He doesn't understand. He thought about what happened last night and they both had a great time or that's what he thought so... but he feels it. It is there – the love that they both shared. He thought it was the beginning but then reality hit him hard.

Running a hand through his face, he sighs again, looking defeated. "What an idiotic fool you are, Hays!"

He now clearly sees the consequences of his careless acts. Now, Solis is drifting away once again. If only he knew that this was the price of touching his wife again, he should've held on to his consciousness that night. He shouldn't have indulged in his own burning desire. He felt awful, terrible, and even disgusted with his own self.

"You failed yourself, Hayland. You failed Solis and you failed everyone," he murmured, grasping an amount of his hair due to frustration. "What have I done? How can I make it up to her now?"

To say that he is troubled is an understatement. He is clearly losing his mind as he keeps pacing back and forth. He believes he is crazy in a way that he took advantage of Solis. He already lost his self-respect by touching his wife at that instant and what made him madder was the chance that he had on his wife.

He's now on a fifty-fifty stage. If ever he lost his chance on her, he couldn't blame anyone but himself. But he will try and try. He wanted to make it right this time. How he hopes it will turn out great.

All that he just wanted was to be accepted by Solis once again and he swore that he would never touch her without her consent even if she was like a goddess when she was all but drunk. He will try to stay away and be a friend again with his right hand.

Fuck these hormones, he thought madly.

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End Notes: Hi! Your thoughts about this chapter are much appreciated. Thank you very much.