This Is Me Trying

Chapter 14: Change

SINCE that night when Solis and Hayland shared a very intimate moment for the very first time in a while, the latter found himself dead every time he realized that Solis was finally drifting away from him. She's still there but she's not. Before, he was still certain that she could get her back but things changed now. He's not sure of what to grasp anymore.

Though he still hoping for the best despite his withering hopes, he can't help but start doubting what chance he has had on his beloved. Solis once said that she wanted space and he's eager to give her that even if that said space is like an iron maiden for him. He's just glad that Solis still stayed with him but she's not even talking to him.

They're back to being strangers again.

He couldn't accept it. He's been having sleepless nights because of that. He can't even focus on his everyday life. Truth be told, his road had gone blurry. Solis is always been his compass and whenever she is with him, he fears nothing because he knows well that he will not be lost since he has his guide with him. However, now that his life has a glitch, he doesn't know where to start to fix the mess of the stupid choices that he has made.

Those three weeks ruined the five years of marriage and the life that he had built with the most beautiful woman in his eyes. Those three weeks weakened their foundation and now, it is slowly and slowly falling apart in front of him.

Now that Solis has gone cold and more distant, he doesn't know how to save it—how to save them. That three weeks is just a short while but it left a dreadful drought on the land that he have built with the woman he love. That three weeks of infidelity cost him and Solis strong pillars to break apart.

His roots are dying. Solis is the only one who keeps him alive and now that she is dissipating, the colors of their love suddenly change into a dull one. Hayland feels more stupid than he already was.

"How are you with Sol?" asked Gabriel, twirling the rum in his glass. His deep, baritone voice wakes him up from his trance. They're camping, the kind of bonding they both have since the beginning of their friendship.

He scoffs, not minding the sudden cold breeze of the night. "Still the same. If anything, it's getting worse every passing day. It's like I am a landlord or something and she's there, my boarder. Fucking amazing, right?"

Gabriel laughed faintly. "Give her time to breathe, dude."

He rolled his eyes at him. "I am. I am giving what she wanted but it doesn't mean I am okay with it. Hell, I just don't have a choice. How can I fix us when she won't even let me?"

"How impatient of you." Gabriel shakes his head. "Space of healing takes forever."

He grunted, drinking his rum in one go. "This is bullshit!"

"And you started the fire yourself, in case you have forgotten." Gabriel narrowed his eyes at him. "Dude, you have to be patient. Moving on from a severe pain doesn't happen overnight."

"I just wanted her back," he hiccupped.

"Then wait—"

"What if she won't risk anymore? What if she'll leave me just like that? What do I do? I can't imagine a life without her," he cried out, throwing back his head in agony.

"Then why did you do it in the first place if you can't imagine your life without her? Dude, I'm not perfect. I have flaws but once I started committing to something regardless if it's a person or a dream, I would do everything just to stick to it. Why can't you do the same?"

"I mean, Aubrey is just a temptation but you still acknowledged her presence nonetheless. You even let her ruin your life, Solis's life, and your relationship with her. Whether you have your reason, it still does not justify your action. You've hurt Solis. Don't expect her to accept you that instant just because she let you sleep with her that night. I mean, she's just drunk, remember?"