This Is Me Trying

Chapter 16: Dead Hope

THE blinding neon lights made Hayland's head to hurt. The stench of alcohol and smoke isn't helping his nerves. All that he wanted was to whack everyone down. The loud music shack is too much for him.

He loves music but he hates noise at the moment. Now, he fully regretted the idea of accompanying Gabriel and Mara to a party at the place of Minerva's cousin. He wriggled his nose, disgusted when someone threw a spent cigar near them. He saw Minerva only smirked.

"How was the party going, lonely-is-the-night man?" she even dared to ask with a champagne in her hand.

"You're so evil, woman!" he ranted, throwing her a dirty look. "It's your plan to make Gab and Mars drag me here, aren't you?

"I'll take that as a compliment... and oh, annoying is a distraction too, just so you know." She drank her champagne before swaying away from him much to his annoyance.

"Hey, enjoy the party, and thanks for coming, bro!" The oblivious cousin of her with a tanned skin patted his shoulder before entertaining other guests.

He looked at another idiot laughing at each other. Seems like they're having fun. He sighs exasperatedly. They say that he'll have fun if he goes along and hangs out with them as a distraction so he does as he is told but what makes him upset is the crowded surroundings, almost forgotten that they are in a party and it's normal. He nearly punch the small guy laughing his ass out had he not seated beside the buffed man with a sleeve tattoo on his right arm.

All around him is so alive but he himself, an idiot who is so lost in the void. Lonesome he came towards the noisy sea but he was as empty as he ever be. Hence his heart is with somebody, somebody who is so dear to him, whom he loved all his life. But she's gone. Solis is tired of him and everything about him.

"This sucks!" he growled as he strides towards the idiots who are now smirking at him.

"Still not drinking, huh?" Mara commented before giggling at Gabriel's side.

"You two looked gross." He gritted his teeth, looking away at how Gabriel snaked his arms around Mara's waist.

"You're just jealous," Gabriel winks which made him grip the can of soda that he had been drinking.

"Fuck off!" He settles himself into the empty chair adjacent to theirs, taking a sip of his soda.

Despite all, he doesn't take any shots but a soft drink while munching some walnuts. He doesn't want to drink because he doesn't want to forget about Solis or his stupid mistake. He wanted to remember her and his unforgivable wrongdoings.

He believes that this is his punishment and that he deserves this. He wanted his wife to be happy and even if it kills him, he will let her go. If it is the only way of making her smile again, he is willing to let go.

He decided that he could still love Solis in the distance. All he just wanted was to see his beloved woman happy. He is willing to cut his own flesh for the sake of Solis's happiness. That's how he loves her. Maybe this is the price of the vow he had sworn that in the end, he just dropped carelessly.

"Hey, stop thinking complicated things, dude." Gabriel taps his shoulder. "You look scary with your furrowed brows."

"Yeah, tell it to yourself if you're me." He rolled his eyes at him, slightly annoyed that the younger snapped him out of his zone.

Mara snorted, "Geez! Give my best friend some air to breathe."

He raised a brow. "Excuse me?"

"It has been what? Three weeks since she asked you to stay away from her. But did you really get it?" Mara started.