This Is Me Trying

Chapter 20: Once Upon a Time

Two years later...

PEOPLE has it, that whatever circumstances along the way, the clock will still strike the way it should be. They also say that life goes on come what may. This is the life of Hayland after he had finally let go of his ex-wife.

Solis left and his wings were too broken to even find a way to catch her. By that, he let her go completely, cutting the strings unwillingly. An infamous quotation believes that when you love someone, let it go. If it comes back, it is yours but if it doesn't, it never was. He wanted to believe the first one.

He sighs, letting his fingers play with his fountain pen while his bottom lip is jutting, ears are all in for the song playing in his phone speaker. It's their break time but he doesn't even move to consume the coffee that his secretary has prepared. His favorite cookies are left unattended as well. Music consumed him. He doesn't mind at all. He loves it.

For two years, he has made a lot of journal entries, addressing only one name; all his whereabouts, his jokes that he finds funny, his rants, and all the things that he wanted to tell. He wrote it on one blank page of paper.

"Letting go has made a room, in my eyes to see the world, to venture into the open sky, to see the real color of the night," he heartily sang with the music on his phone.

Once upon a time, he was just right there in the corner of his safe zone; trembling, shaking, and uncertain. He keeps his eyes closed so he can't see the world. He knows nothing but love and he strongly believes that Solis's love is enough for him. But he messed up with their almost fairytale and he let his vulnerable self be dragged down by the temptress.

They're no Jack nor Jill but eventually, they both stumbled down the hill.

Painful.

It will always be painful. A broken slit of flesh stung into the entirety of one soul and no one can stop the throbbing wounds from hammered until it sent quivering shocks into someone else's veins. We can't blame them. It is their nature so what now? It's always been a part of one life and Hayland finally understands that – wounds are there for a purpose.

Once upon a time, he knew nothing but love. However, that love is tainted by a sin that even he himself can hardly believe. He thought that even if he had wronged Solis, he could easily make it up.

He thought that after what he did, he could make his ex-wife stay with him because he loved her so much and he knows nothing other than living beside her. He believes that he can't be with himself if he loses her so he's afraid to let her go until Solis is so done with him.

While slowly reflecting, he now fully gets it. That's why Solis left because they both become toxic. Solis left not because he just cheated on her but because she's in too much pain and it leads her to her toxic coping mechanism.

The moment she confesses why she let herself drown in some alcoholic beverages, he doesn't fully understand it but after recognizing every single event that happened to the both of them, it made him want to smack himself over and over.

His eyes gaze at the rubrics on his table. "If life's struggles and broken pieces were as easy as arranging these cubes, it would've been better. I don't even think I can be the Hayland that I knew before."

To say the least, he's afraid. Sometimes, he couldn't even feel himself. He's like a different person living inside his body. For two years, he's still unhealed. He is still standing but wounded and with a bowed head. He pitied himself because truth be told, he can't even grasp to forgive what he have done to Solis.

"You're so stupid. You look like a horse with a missing nose. I don't know why but never mind. What I'm saying is that, go to her and ask for forgiveness. That's when your restlessness can finally be at peace, I'm not telling you twice." A sudden voice rang into his whole office that made Hayland jolt from his seat.