Lalisa Love Me (HunLisa Fanfiction)

31: DESERVE

31: DESERVE
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L I S A

I am jealous.

I feel threatened.

Damn that monkey. If he says he wants me back.. he loves me. Then he shouldn't have let any other girl be close to him other than me! He shouldn't let anyone make him smile except me! He shouldn't let anyone touch him because if he wants me.. then he is mine!

Mine and mine alone!

I glare at Luhan who arched a brow at me with a stupid grin on his face.

Now I understand why he is Sehun's favorite hyung, they both have what it takes to be the most annoying person in the world.

"Hyung.." I heard footsteps as Sehun's voice became nearer.

My back is still facing him and with me wearing an oversize hoodie as a disguise, I doubt he would recognize my back. Especially if someone is there with him to keep his attention.

"Lisa?" Or so I thought.

I turn my body to look at him before my eyes travel to the girl he's with.. she's pretty alright. And she seems nice, with that smile she is giving me. I can't help but roll my eyes.

I am acting rude. That's because I feel nasty. This nasty threatening jealousy!

I glare at Sehun before I turn my back from him. If he already has someone else then so be it. I walked away.. feeling the heaviness on my heart.

'Till the end, I chose to walk away from Oh Sehun.

Why is it hard for me to let go of him and yet, I often pushed him away as if it's so easy even though it's not?

Maybe this is human nature.. the fear. The fear of being hurt by someone you treasured the most so you do it first. I left because I am afraid of being left behind. I pushed him away because I don't want to be pushed by him.. fvck. And now I feel guilty because I am scared to be in the situation that I always put him in.

My knees tremble as I sat on a nearby bench.

I didn't want to leave.

I love him. I know I love him. I love Oh Sehun and I can't.. move on from it.

I watched as the sky begins to darken.

If that girl is in the situation as me, would she walk away or would she confront him? If some other girl were in the same situation as I am, would they push Oh Sehun away? Would they let him go?

The man like Oh Sehun.. who is loved by many. But he chose to love someone like me.

Can someone else make him plead the way I do? Would someone have the guts to do it other than me?

Of course, no one.

A man like Oh Sehun is rare to find. Like a gem that shines the brightest in a land full of rocks and yet no one could touch or steal it.. because everyone loves it to the point that no one would dare to scar or put a dirt on it.

A man like him chose to love me. Of all the girls who dreamt to be noticed by him, he chose to chase me.

And what did I do? I chose to hurt him.

Did he deserve it? No. Never.

Did I deserve him? I don't think so.

So why do I still craved for him? Why am I possessive over him when I clearly know that I can't own him? It pain me to just realized that he can love other girls who can treat him way better than I do.

That he can just choose any other girl and he would be loved. He won't be pushed away and his feelings won't get hurt.

"If I told you I'm willing to be a better person.." I trailed off as I talk to no one. Imagining that Sehun could hear me. "So that I could love you better, would you choose me? Despite of all the other girls out there who's willing to give everything for you.. would you still choose someone like me who did nothing but hurt you?"