I'm sorry (A James Hetfield story)

Devil's Dance

I waited for Steve to come in his office, I was looking through my papers, after ten minutes of waiting, Steve finally came in his office, I stood up when he walked in, I smiled at him.

"Hi Steve." Steve had a folder of some documents, from the past year or so.

"Hi James, how are you?" I was kind of antsy, nervous and anxious, I don't know why.

"Oh, I'm doing okay, you know, band stuff, kids and craziness." Steve sat down at his desk, in front of me, I couldn't hold still for some dumb reason, why was I acting like this?

"Are you okay James, do you want some water?" I guess Steve caught on to me.

"Yeah, I'm okay, look..." I might as well tell someone besides Lars, the other guys know about Denise too, but not about the deep feelings I have for her, and that I'm practically living with her.

"Yes James, you know you can tell me anything, the door is closed and it's strictly confidential between you and I, we've known each other for the last ten or so years, just say what you want." Okay, I'll just say it and hopefully, he won't say anything and keep his word! he better or else!

"Okay, you know how Fran and I are in the process of divorcing, well a few months ago, I went into a local bar, I had only one glass of wine, all of sudden this nice lady comes up and orders the exact same drink as me, we get talking and she is a fan, but it's not what you think, she's mature, nice, kind, generous, she's so beautiful, sexy and she makes me happy, I think I'm in love with her, Fran found out, she has a private deceive follow me, she or someone has told the kids, they now know about Denise, I think they are fine about it, I'm just so nervous for the public to find out, I asked Denise to marry me, but I took the ring back, to wait for a better moment, I know what I want in life, but I think if I divorce Fran, then I will feel better about myself and that Denise and I can live a better life together, Denise gets me, and my music, she doesn't bitch and moan, every damn time I have to go for a few hours, across state lines to meet with the guys, sometimes Denise even comes along, she hangs with the girls, which is cool, I know I should of said something sooner, but I didn't know what to say, or how to say it, I think at this point for the divorce, I think Fran should keep our house, I want my cars and music gear, but as far as Metallica is concerned, I don't want Fran to touch it and for whatever reason I die or is unable to go on with Metallica, I want the kids to take the assets and split it evenly as possible, and for Denise, she's not my wife yet, but I want her to be my power of attorney, with all of this, I still think of Fran as a friend, I don't have anything bad to say about her, I think it was just our time to end our marriage, I'm sure she is shocked but I think I've had enough, so that's all I have to say right now, what do you think?" wow that was a mouthful and now my throat is dry.

"Well James, I understand where you are coming from, you found a new love and is waiting patiently for settling down again, I thank you for that, it's good to know that you told me all this, I suggest you wait a year, before marrying Denise, I say, March 2022, it will be finalized, then you and Fran can part ways, until then keep your chin up and watch out for Fran, I know she wasn't always a fan of your work or what you did with your friends, but maybe you are right, she needs a life too, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has a new man in her life right now, but hey you never know, is there anything else you need from me, or want to say?" thank you man.

"My band is working on a new album, I, I mean the band and I are having trouble with an album title, but I think I have a prefect name, I've been reading a good book lately." damn, I wasn't supposed to say anything about it, oh well, it was good to see Steve today.

"Sounds good, I will call you if I need or anything, or you call me if you need anything, either way, I will call you in the next few months, so we can draw up the paperwork, should be about November, like three months." Steve was saying that, as he looked on his calendar, glad someone keeps things on paper, everyone I know of, puts everything in phones, that sort of a bad idea, I just use my phone as a phone and for texting, that's it! nothing more. I stood up and shook Steve's hand, then I left in my car to go to the store for Denise, she wanted chips and ice cream, but what kind? she didn't say, there's like 20 different kinds, think man, if you were a woman, what would you like? oh I know, chocolate and something fudgy. I'll just get all the kinds I see that are those flavors, holy hell 5 different kinds? are people that dence about ice cream, that they need 50 different flavors of ice cream, holy shit, so I put the 5 quarts of ice cream in the carriage, and I grabbed a few bags of chips, again Denise didn't specify on what kind of chips she wanted or flavor, it all came up to be $35, just for chips and ice cream, jeez. I put everything in my car and went back to Denise's apartment, and my for now home.  

"Honey, I'm home!" God, I haven't said those words in forever, Denise was on the couch watching some car show on tv, thank God, I picked the right woman, I put the ice cream away and put the chips on the counter, Denise smiled at me, as I sat next to her on the beat-up couch, I gave Denise a hug and a kiss, "hey, how are you?" Denise snuggled against me close.

"Good, tired but good." That's good, I bought ice cream and chips for you.

"I got ice cream and chips." Denise sat up and straddled me, over my hips.

"Thank you." I looked up at Denise and smirked big, Denise smirked back.

"Want some ice cream?" Hell yeah, I bought 5 kinds of ice cream.

"Yeah, I bought 5 different flavors." because I love you.

"Aw thank you, how about chocolate fudge." sounds great to me.

"Okay, bring it over with a bowl and two spoons." so we can share, Denise grabbed two spoons with a bowl, and one of the quarts of ice cream, I took off my shirt, Denise almost fell over, when she watched me take off my shirt, woah girl, calm down, ha-ha.

"I'm sorry, you're just so..." so what baby? ha-ha.

"Sexy?" Man, she loves you, stop!

"What you said." Denise sat down on the couch next to me, and placed everything on the coffee table, I grabbed a hold of Denise, and I tickled her sides for a moment, Denise and I giggled loud.

"I'm going to pee on you." oh you better not baby.

"Please don't." Ha-ha, I laughed with Denise, we looked into each other's eyes and kissed.

"I want to, but we should wait, after the divorced is finalized." I sat up with Denise, she took a big scoop and put it in the bowl, I watched Denise closely, I put my hands on her cheek and made her look at me, I looked into her eyes and searched around them for a moment, I kissed Denise passionately, I could not help it, I was honestly hard but I did want Denise, so bad, but I was just craving for attention, not to mention, to be loved again, before Denise dropped the bowl on the couch, I broke away from the kiss and placed it on the coffee table, I laid Denise on the couch, I was on top of Denise and kissing her neck all over, I unbuttoned her shirt and took off her bra, I wasn't planning on having sex with Denise, but I just wanted to make out with her, until she took her hand in between us and touched me on my jeans, I twitched for a few minutes.

"You want to?" I breathed out, Denise moaned softly, at my touch.

"I want to, but I'm scared, I'm so scared that I will get pregnant before your divorce, then it will get out and everyone will hate me, for breaking you and Fran up, I will be known for the girl that broke up Metallica, and then I will have to raise the baby alone, with no help." What! That will never happen, I love you and all of our unborn children, no matter what kids, or no kids, I love you God damn it, and don't you forget that! I took Denise's jaw in the palm of my hand, and I made Denise look at me, she was crying and had her eyes closed. aw baby! don't cry. I wrapped my arms around Denise and held her close to my body, I kissed her cheek softly.

"Listen, I love you, things with Fran were already going bad, you won't break up Metallica, it's between the band and I, what we do as a band, and if and when I get you pregnant, I won't leave you, hear me? I won't ever leave you; I love you God damn it, I want you and all of you, even if we have to wait a year or two, I want to have children with you." Now, I almost started crying.

"I love you too." Denise kissed me passionately and I put my tongue in her mouth, there you go dude, make her feel loved, Denise wrapped her arms around my neck, and we were both moaning in the kiss, now I remember what I forgot to do, I have to call Lars, about this weekend, oh he can wait an hour, or two, ha-ha, Denise and I decided on just making out and eating ice cream and watching a car show or two, random shit that was pointless, stupid MTV wasn't even MTV anymore, boring dumb shows, who the fuck would watch this shit! I would not! Denise and I ate a whole quart of ice cream, without realizing it, oh shit, oh well, we have 4 more quarts, I think Denise is trying to make me fat or something, eh it won't work, we'll just eventually have sex for hours, soon after, I got off the couch and threw the ice cream container away, as I was in the kitchen, the phone rang and guess who it was...