I'm sorry (A James Hetfield story)

Fade To Black

A few weeks went by so fast, it was the last weekend, of me being single, well taken but divorced, I decided to take some time off for myself, Denise was going to go out with an old school classmate, she hadn't seen in ages, so I did the most honest thing I could do, loyal but yet fretful thing, I couldn't believe I was going to do this, Fran was the love of my life, we were friends then, and after our marriage ended, I guess you can say, we called a truce, for the kids and I was about to say something to her, that I know she may not like, but I don't care, I rather be honest with her, than keep secrets from her, after all she is the mother of my kids, I called up Fran to meet me at the new house, I told her the address and she accepted to come over, after an hour, Denise left, I told Denise that I was going to sit down with Fran and talk for just an hour, Denise didn't like the idea but she went along with it, for the kids sake and for my sanity. Fran showed up at the front door, right on time, I wasn't a mess, but I had a Motorhead shirt on with my black jeans, obviously and that's all I wore was black, okay a few colors here and there.

"Hi." I waved at Fran, she leaned in to give me a hug, I didn't really want to, but we are talking about the mother of my children, so I gave in, I was afraid she was going to knee my dick or something, but luckily she didn't, thank God! I offered her something to drink, she declined.

"So James, why did you want me here?" I sighed to myself for a moment and thought for a few seconds, talking with Fran was sometimes diffcult but with Denise it was easier, why?

"Well, one I bought this house..." She stopped me from talking for a moment.

"Let me guess, you've started a family with what's her name." Uh, she has a name!

"Denise, that's her name and not quite." I uh well, damn it Het!

"Well then what? Say something, don't just sit there!" Don't yell at me!

"First off, I didn't ask you to come here, to start a war or a fight, or for you to yell at me, Fran... I wanted to tell you that, I uh wanted to tell you that, well, shit, I'm planning on asking Denise to marry me, I don't care if you like it or not, but I fell like, you should know, no more secrets between us, besides, we have the kids to think about, I want to involve them with the ceremony and I didn't ask Denise this, but uh, would you, uh want to come to my wedding? You don't have to but, I felt like I should ask you, I mean, it's nothing too crazy like, our wedding was, but I thought to include you too, remember when Eddie asked Val to come to his wedding and she did, I know it's not the same thing, but I still care for you, even though we had our ups and downs." There I said it, oh she looks pissed! Uh oh, great Het!

"Well, there's something to think about, I think, I shouldn't come, after all the other guys are not fond of me, this is a family afair and well, I was your wife but not anymore, but thank you for the offer and for the kids sake, you are right, even though Denise is 20 years younger than us." Oh, don't remind me, please! But she should come, it will be fun!

"Are you sure? I'll make it, so you don't have to talk to anyone but Denise, the kids and I, and sometimes, the other guys and their wives, Fran, we've been though a lot, I'm sure whenever or something, when you get married, you'd invite Denise and I." Maybe, or not ha-ha.

"Actually no, I wouldn't invite you, but since you asked nicely and I thought about it, I will come, but don't expect me to bring a gift." Oh, your attendance is quite enough dear!

"Well thank you." After another 20 minutes of talking to Fran about life and stuff, she left, thank God that part was over, and now to make lists of things to do, around the house. Oh, I need to buy a cake, I'm not fucking around with baking, unless I get the kids to do it, that sounds like fun, to me, I trust those kiddos, make it black, no wait, dark red with black trim. An hour later, Denise came back with her friend Rachel from high school, Denise and Rachel talked about when they were in school, listening to Metallica and other bands, oh I need to beat the fan out of you baby, remember! ha-ha just kidding, after Rachel left and Denise told me all about their day. It was 6 at night, I made some chicken with veggies, all I needed was my baby next to me, and I made some coffee drink thing, one taste of that and it was totally discusting to me, I don't know what I was thinking making that, but it was all the kids these days was drinking, maybe it's because of my age and that I wasn't a 20 something year old, ha-ha, Denise took a sip of it and spit it out as well, guess Denise and I just like plain old ass coffee and tea, meanwhile Lars likes lattees, whatever those are and Kirk just like his chia teas and Rob, he will just drink anything.

"So, your day was okay?" Denise leaned over the table to kiss my cheek, yeah and Fran was over, opps, shit man, you better tell her the truth, and say it now!

"Yeah, it was okay, I have to tell you something." I breathed in and out, here it goes.

"What?" Just one word at a time man, just say it.

"I uh, invited Fran to come over, we talked." Denise looked mad.

"Why?" To talk honey, don't be mad.

"To talk to her, I felt like I had to ask her something important and that was, I uh, asked Fran to come to the wedding, before you say anything or make a comment, think of the kids for a moment, this will be a big change for them as well, I haven't talked to the kids just yet, but my friend Eddie had his first wife Val come to his wedding with her husband or something, it turned out okay and they didn't out of love for their kid Wolfgang, oh I forgot his name, doesn't matter, anyways, can we put things aside for one day, do it for me, and the Metallica family? I know that you know, that I love you and only you, even if we have a big age gap, that means, nothing to me, come on baby, I need you to be mine forever, and maybe pop out a few kids." Stop putting your mind in gutter and be for real man but at least you are being honest with Denise.

"Okay, Fran can come but it's only for the kids, then after I want to go to Maine for two weeks, we can go on a hunting trip or something." Aw that's my girl, she get me and I get her.

"You know me so well!" I got up from the table and took Denise in my arms and kissed her.

"I know." Denise and I giggled like idiots and then we resumed with eating dinner, soon after we cleaned up, watched some car show on tv and fell asleep, the next few days, were going to be crunch time and I had to talk to the kids as well, but in a group! Denise and I went to bed, and I still got up in the middle of the night, I was getting anxious, I felt sick to my stomach.