Craving (JJ x James)

37.

James sat at the balcony of the apartment building, putting his legs through the handrails and sitting on them uncomfortably. He was looking down at the particularly busy and boring city. He had so much on his mind – but it all centered around what had happened. Why was he so stupid? Why did he have to take that video in the first place? What had he even gained from spreading someone's secret? He was completely regretting what he had done.

'Hey bro!' Keran's loud voice interrupted his thoughts as she walked to the balcony. 

He didn't respond. 

She walked to the edge and stood next to him. 'What's going on?' 

He sighed. It took him a while to speak but he finally did. 'I messed up.' 

'What?' 

'It's about Justin,' he answered her. 'I did something a while back when I was still the old me and now he found out so...he left me I think.' 

'Geez what did you do? That guy was so in love with you, must have been something big.' she looked down at the city as well. 

'Well I took a video of him confessing that he's not straight and spread it, then he found out.'

'You did what!?' she asked him in disbelief. 'James what the hell is wrong with you!? Why would you do that!?' 

'I said it was the old me!' he cried. 'I wouldn't do that now, I don't even know what I was thinking.' 

'Wow,' she looked at him blankly.

'You know, that's the reason mom and dad sent me away.' he started to tell her something he had never told anyone else. 'You know how the video was all over social media? Mom and dad saw it, and then they found it in my cell phone. They were so disappointed and mad at me because they strive towards freedom, human rights, anti-bullying and all that stuff, yet I was doing the opposite. So that, along with all the other misbehaving I've done, was the last straw.' 

Keran looked at him more pitifully this time. 'Why did you enjoy causing pain to someone? Now look at what you've done.' 

'I wouldn't do it now though,' he said in a low voice.

'I believe you...but...sometimes life sucks. You know life isn't like a movie where if you change everything suddenly gets right and there's no aftermath. But in real life, you still have to deal with the consequences of your own actions.' 

'Thanks for making me feel better,' he mumbled sarcastically. 'So...I should just let him go?' 

'It's not like you have a choice...maybe if you haven't explained yourself completely call him or write him a text, something like that. If he still doesn't come back, you should leave him alone lest you seem like a stalker.' 

'Got it.' he agreed.

'But come in for lunch will you!? Don't mop over it too much.' she pat his head then walked inside the apartment. 

James was going to listen to her advice – he grabbed his cell phone and decided to write Justin a text – one that was open and honest. 

Hey Justin, I know you probably don't want to see a text from me but that's fine, I just wanted you to know that I really regret what I did and if I could turn back time, I would have never taken that video or posted it. I was stupid enough back then to think it was funny to have someone's secret exposed, but I have a new heart now because of you. I'm so sorry. I really hope you'll forgive me and we can continue where we left off, but if you choose not to, I'll understand as well.

James pressed the send button. Justin had read the message a small moment later, and James stared at his phone nervously for Justin's response. But there was none – Justin had left him on "seen". 

He felt pained, but he pressed the power button on his cellphone to shut down the screen. It hurt, and as much as he was tempted to write Justin more texts so that he could at least get an answer, he had to listen to Keran's advice. He got up from the handrails and walked inside the apartment. 

𓆩♡𓆪

'

Hey auntie,' Sangwon answered his cell phone that evening. Justin's mother had called him, and they typically didn't talk on the cell phone.

'Hey Sangwon,' she answered, 'I'm so sorry to disturb you and I know you must be tired of dealing with these issues but...I don't know what to do.' 

Sangwon already knew it was about Justin. 'No it's fine. Is anything the matter?' 

'It's Justin,' she answered sadly. 'He keeps crying in his room. When we ask him what the matter is, he doesn't respond. Sangwon, I'm worried.' 

'Oh no,' he said to himself, knowing exactly what he was crying about. He knew Justin just needed time, it was probably not easy getting over someone you loved. All Sangwon had to do was support him and make sure he distracts him. 'Isn't it his birthday this weekend?' 

'Yes.' She answered shakily. 

'I'll try to come this weekend and organize something fun for him so that he gets better.' he said the only thing he could think of. 'Don't worry too much, he's going to be okay.' 

'Are you sure? He's been crying nonstop.' 

'I'm sure, just take care of him as much as you can though.' 

'Alright, thank you.' she said then hang up.

Sangwon lowered his cell phone from his ear. Justin was such a fragile and innocent person, that's why his heart was completely shattered in pieces. Sangwon wished he could just teleport to Justin and comfort him.

Then he attempted to call him, but he didn't pick up. He probably didn't want to talk to anyone. 

Craving.