Persephone- Completed

Nineteen.

3 hours. 

I'd gotten 3 hours sleep last night. 

I was officially exhausted. 

I'd been tossing and turning overthinking every thing I'd said to Em yesterday morning. Now I was sat on the patio in my swimsuit with a jumper over the top. It was all I could find in the pitch black. I needed to put myself some spare clothes somewhere so I didn't wake Mia up in a morning when I couldn't sleep. 

But right now I was watching the sunrise, finishing off my 2nd cup of coffee. I'd already been up nearly 3 hours. I'd just given up eventually. Turning and flipping pillows wasn't getting me anywhere. I'd just finished studying and now my head was throbbing. I'm just glad it's at least a suitable temperature to be sat out in these clothes with just a blanket pulled over my legs. 

It was peaceful. Sitting here alone. I was still over thinking but at least the sky was pretty. 

"Another early morning?" I laid my head back against the chair, looking back at Em who was stood in the doorway. 

"You're up early." 

"Couldn't sleep." He slowly walked over to me, standing behind my chair and looking down at me, putting his hands on my shoulders. 

"Snap." He looked down at my empty cup  and stood up straight. 

"Do you want another coffee? I'm going to make one anyway." 

"Yes please." He nodded, taking my cup and disappearing again. 

We still had a good few days here. It was only Monday morning. But I couldn't settle into being here. As much fun as it was dancing with the boys, watching them play fight in the living room. I had barely stopped laughing. I was practically begging for another night alone with him. 

I brought my feet up onto the chair, laying my head sideways on my knees. I felt like I was suddenly second guessing keeping Em at arms length. Don't get me wrong I knew it made more sense this way. It had been a crap few months and I needed to fix myself first right?

But I don't feel broken? 

It doesn't hurt, I don't feel sad about any of it. Not angry anymore. I was right in saying I'm over it. I am. It's not even a question. 

But I should take a break from guys surely. It doesn't seem like a smart idea to dive in head first to him.  I mean, he'd be going off to college in a few months as well. It's not like I want to do a whole long distance thing, but I don't want to make him choose between school and me. That's not fair. 

"You okay? That was a heavy sigh?" I jumped slightly at his voice. I didn't even hear him put the coffee cup back down beside me. "I made you jump again." 

"Sorry. I'm in my own world today." I pulled the table, using it to spin the chair slightly so I was facing him. I lifted my head up and crossed my legs.

"It's okay." He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "How long have you been up?" 

"Um-" I lifted the coffee up to my mouth not wanting to answer. 

"Okay let me rephrase that. How much sleep did you get?" 

"Um-" I sighed. "Like 3 hours. I don't know." He shook his head and sighed. 

"You should sleep Seph." 

"Tell my brain that." 

"Why couldn't you sleep?" 

"Why couldn't you sleep?" I put my coffee cup down and he smiled at me, shaking his head at the hint of my attitude. 

"I was worrying about you again." 

"Well you should get some sleep." I stared at his face, wanting to take in every inch and hold it in my memory forever. His hazel eyes were glowing green in the early morning sunrise. He was so attractive. And I'm not just talking about his looks. His confidence, his kind heart, how he knew exactly where I'd be. He knew me so well in such a short amount of time. 

He stood up and grabbed his coffee cup in one hand, walking around to my side of the table and holding his hand out. 

"Come on." 

"What?" 

"Stop over thinking and come with me." 

"Where-" 

"I said stop over thinking." He smiled and nodded at his hand. "Please?"  I pushed my blanket off and took his hand. He pulled me up and I was able to grab my coffee before he started walking to the back of the garden, not letting my hand go for even a second. 

There was a slight breeze in the air this morning. It wasn't cold but it was just a reminder that this was real. Walking down to the beach with my hand tangled in his. It was early. Probably only just turning 6am.  We carried on walking barefoot across the sand, getting closer until  the waves were landing a few feet away. 

Once we were where he wanted us to be, he sat, pulling me with him. I struggled to keep my coffee in the cup as I sat down beside him. He eventually let go of my hand, wrapping it around me to my hip, pulling me closer, until I was pushed into him. 

I put my cup down in the sand beside me after downing the last of it quickly. We sat in silence as he drunk his own slowly. Watching the waves slowly hit the sand and move back out over and over again. 

He turned to me ever so slightly, tucking my messy hair behind my ear so he could see me.

"Why couldn't you sleep Seph?" I looked at him and then back out at the waves, laying my head onto him.

"Do you ever feel like you're making a mistake with something? And your brain just runs through every single eventuality because then at least you know how it could end and you can prepare yourself for it?" 

"Every time I see you." I looked up at him confused. "Not asking you out before him is the biggest mistake I ever made."