Why am I the star?//tsukasa angst//[DISCONTINUED]

Out of Control

YALL IM SO OUT OF IDEAS THAT NOW IMA JUST COPY AND PASTE DAZAI OR LIKE SOME OTHER DEPRESSED ANIME GUY SCENE INTO MY BOOK LIKE SHINJI OR SOME AISHBWORHKWNS

Also now just forget the fact that Tsukasa ran away from the hospital cuz idk how to like finish it lol
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Tsukasa POV:

"Revenge."

I remembered seeing something that said that "Revenge" was another stage of grief.

OK. Revenge on who?

When you take revenge, how do you decide who to take revenge against? The most obvious choice is someone who hurts you. Or someone that's in the way, or maybe someone you just hate in general.

But in my case, there's no one.
Absolutely no one.
No one but me and myself.

So, what am I supposed to do, take revenge against myself?

I laughed at my own thoughts. How would that even work?

Though somehow, I feel like I've already "taken revenge" against myself. In an odd way, hard to explain.

But nothing has gotten better. Actually, things got worse. I'm starting to not care if I die in 50 years or tomorrow, because everything's going to be the same.

And it doesn't matter how long I live or what I do—the world would still be better off without me.

Maybe I should—-

My thoughts got interrupted by a harsh knock on my bedroom door. I got a small sense of excitement.

Finally, I'm not alone anymore!

But then I realized no one should be in my house. Unless there's a madman, of course. I tiptoed as quietly as I could and pressed my ear up against the door.

Voices, but too unclear to be familiar.

"I think the doors open. Let's just go inside."

"No! Let's wait a little longer."

"DO I CARE I'M OPENING THE DOOR—-"

The door flew open, along with me. Without thinking, I scrambled away as fast as I could away from the door, until my back was against the wall. It took me a second to realize who was in my house.

Oh no.

Emu, Rui, and Nene were standing at the door that they practically busted open.

"What are you guys doing? You basically broke into my house—" I exclaimed, standing up.

"What are we doing? No, what are you doing? You could barely talk to us even before the hospital, and then you ran away!?" Rui angrily said.

"Ruis right. We barely had time to even look at you!" Emu added, Nene nodding at her side.

Was I supposed to feel shocked? Angry? Guilty? I don't know.

I just lowered my head and said, "Sorry, I guess."

There was a loud silence. Until Nene finally spoke up.

"Uhm...Tsukasa, do you remember anything? At all?" She asked worriedly.

I stayed quiet.

I heard a sigh and the soft click of the door closing.

"Uh, can someone explain, uhm..anything? Or at least something?" I quietly said, my voice breaking a little. Surely no one noticed, though.

————-uh time skip ig————-

"So your saying," I repeated what they had just told me, "That I passed out on...mor-fin—"

"Morphine." Nene corrected. I had the urge to roll my eyes.

"Morphine, and then Emu BROKE into my HOUSE, so this is not the first time, because I forgot to take my coffee take-out at the cafe!?"

Emu nodded, criss cross-applesauce on the floor. I sighed. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Emu burned down my house to give me my pencil case I lost 5 years ago or something.

"So that's why I was in the..." I trailed off. For some reason the word "hospital" felt icky to say.

There was another pause, less awkward than before. I looked down, but I felt the other 3 sharing glances.

"If you don't mind, we'll be in the living room." Rui proposed, then the 3 of them left.

I heard the door open and then shortly close.

And now I had a bunch of information that I didn't know what to do with.

Sometimes my life just feels so...

out of control.

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Wgigvanusehakaffauenj