Learning to Love

Chapter 5

Susanne asked me the question and I knew I had a lot of questions, but I looked at the paper and quickly wrote down a question. Then turned the paper towards her. "Where are you?" Susanne asked. I nodded at her, and she sighed looking at me in a loving way, I'd never had anyone look at me like that before.

"You got a little hurt when you panicked when the Police showed up at your house, so they rushed you to the hospital." My eyes went wide and I started to shake, I couldn't be here I had been told to never go to the hospital and to never tell anyone about what happens to me, unless I didn't want to live anymore, Sure yesterday I thought I would die but I kind of wanted to be the one to ruin myself I didn't want to give him a reason to beat me to death.

"Honey, I need you to calm down and breathe, no one here will hurt you" Susanne quickly came over to me and put my hand on her chest. "Follow my heartbeat sweet girl can you try to match my heartbeat with your breathing?" I slowly managed to calm down a little, that was the first time anyone had helped me through that usually I ended up blacking out and waking up when I was getting beat for not making dinner or when he just felt like beating me. "Do you feel better?" I nodded at Susanne and then turned my head to look at Angie to make sure that she wasn't waiting to beat me for what just happened. Angie looked at me and gave me a soft smile "Do you know what just happened?" I just shook my head and tilted my head at her.

"You had a panic attack, we don't want that to happen again, do we?" I shook my head and turned my eyes to Susanne who was looking at me anxiously.

"It'll be okay, we just need to get something for you to focus on." Susanne told me. I tilted my head at her and shrugged my shoulders.

"How about we try this first" Susanne reached into her bag and grabbed a small brown bear with a red ribbon tied around its neck. "When you get really overwhelmed you squeeze this bear as hard as you can, If that doesn't make you feel better you look around the room and try to name 5 things you can see, it could even be your toes" I looked at her out of the corner of my eye as she set the bear down on the edge of the bed... I'd never remembered having a bear before or anything even similar. I slowly reached for the bear watching both Angie and Susanne out of the corner of my eye just in case it was a trap, but they just stayed still and smiled at me.

Once I had the teddy bear in my hand I brought it up to my face and rubbed it over my nose, instantly relaxing into it.

Susanne smiled at me and sat back down in the chair; Angie went back to look at the computer thing. "Now let's try this again, shall we? What made you so scared? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

I thought about it for a few minutes then nodded and grabbed the paper and pen. I wrote on it then turned the paper around to face Susanne. I saw her smile falter slightly then it quickly turned into pity, I didn't need pity I was surviving on my own just fine wasn't I? "Why can't you be in the hospital, hm?" I just shook my head I couldn't answer that, I'm sure I will get a really bad beating already when he finds out I'm here.

"You don't have to worry about the man you were living with, he's in police custody, for numerous reasons and he won't be able to get to you anymore." I looked up at her abruptly and studied her face for any signs of lying, when I didn't notice any of the usual signs, I sighed then grabbed the paper and pen again and quickly wrote down, you don't know him he will get out and come for me. And turned it back to her. It was her turn to sigh, "He was found passed out behind the wheel of a car parked in a grocery store parking lot, with an open container and drugs all around him, between those charges and the child abuse and neglect he won't be free for a long long time if ever."

I turned the paper back to me and wrote I don't understand child abuse and neglect? When I turned it back to her, her face wavered, and she turned towards Angie. Angie spoke up, id almost forgotten she was still in the room, and I jumped a little bit, "sweetie from what we've found out you're 12 and you're the size of a four-year-old, you're three feet and four inches tall, and you weigh 32pounds. That's not normal at all, your growth is stunted from neglect and poor nutrition. You've already gained a pound just in the 4 days you've been fed from the tube in your tummy." I froze listening to her and reached for the dress I was wearing and pulled at the top of it and looked down to my stomach, sure enough there was a tube there. I looked back at Angie, and she smiled at me "it will all be okay that's just there because you couldn't eat when you were sleeping, and you can't afford to lose out on any meals sweetie." Susanne spoke next and I turned my face back towards her making sure I didn't make eye contact, "We are still looking for a family member to take you in, do you know of anyone?" I just shook my head at her, it always was him and I and whatever his latest girl was, there was no more family for me. "that's okay I'm sure we will find someone to take you in."

Angie stepped forward at that moment, "I think that's enough for today let's let you rest, you need to heal, and you need to sleep for that. We will come back in later this afternoon, okay?" I hung my head and nodded. I knew I needed to get out of here and soon, the longer I stayed the easier it would be for him to find me, I had no faith that the police would hold him, and I figured I'd end up with someone just as bad if not worse than him.