Learning to Love

Chapter 12

I ate a few more bites of the apple slices, then ate one of the chicken nuggets- turns out chicken nuggets are just small pieces of chicken that have breading on them, I couldn't eat anymore after that, and pushed the table away from me. "Cali? Can you try to drink some of the apple juice if you're done eating? I'm proud of you for eating some of your food though, thank you." I looked at Josh and he was watching me while he was drinking out of his own cup. I nodded and then reached over and grabbed the apple juice box on my table, bringing it to my mouth I took a small sip, I'd never had an apple juice before, and it was so good. It was empty way to soon, so I shook it hoping that there was more, then pouted when there wasn't any left. Just when I was getting ready to throw the empty box across the room Josh spoke up "Abbie she seems to have really liked the Apple juice, we will have to make sure to get some more for her later." I looked up at Abbie and she smiled at me "You liked that apple juice baby?" I nodded and reached my hand out to show her the empty box. She laughed and reached out to take it. "I promise we will get you more later, okay?" I just looked at her, I wasn't quite sure what a promise was, but I hope I could have that drink again, it was really good.

The door opened and Angie walked in, she smiled when she saw me. "Welcome back Sweetie." I brought my teddy up to my chest and made myself super small, she was going to beat me, I knew it, she was mad that I ran, didn't they understand I couldn't be loved, no one should care for me, even my newfound siblings, I only brought misery to whoever was around me wherever I was. Angie walked over to the bed and bent down so she could look me in the eyes, "Rose" She started I heard Josh clear his throat "Hi Dr. Angie, she goes by Cali, it's her first name" Angie looked over at him, then turned her eyes back down to me "Oh I see, Cali, I understand your scared and I don't blame you for running before but can you not to that again? You scared us all a whole lot and we didn't know where you disappeared to, if you feel overwhelmed where you want to run again, can you please tell either your brother or sister or me please?" "She won't be left alone again no worries, Dr. Angie" I turned my eyes from Angie and looked at Abbie, she gave me a sympathetic smile which I chose to ignore, I didn't need sympathy.

"Cali?" I looked back at Angie, and she smiled at me "I need to look at your feeding tube okay, we are hoping to take it back out here possibly tomorrow, I see you ate a little bit of food and that was very good sweetie. The area around your tube got infected from not having proper care while you were out there, so I need to look at it and see if its healing then we can maybe take it out, okay?" I looked her in the eyes and nodded, I did really want the tube gone and my stomach wasn't hurting as bad as it was when I was out in my building hiding. Angie stood up, "Can you lie down so I can look at your stomach please? I'll be really gentle sweetie." I laid down and grabbed my teddy placing it over my eyes, hopefully if I couldn't see her, I wouldn't notice she was getting ready to look at my stomach. I felt my dress being raised and I tensed. "Shhh sweet girl, you're doing amazing, this looks really good, I don't see why we wouldn't be able to take out the tube tomorrow." I heard Josh walk across the room and a sharp intake of breath "Where did she get that from?" I heard him ask. Angie answered, "She arrived with that the first time, you will have to see if she will tell you how she got it." I knew what he saw and no I would never tell anyone where it came from.

Angie lowered my dress down, then looked at me, "Do you need to go potty while I'm here?" I stared at her then looked down at my dress and nodded, yeah that apple juice I drank made me have to go, but I wasn't sure how to ask, I mean I knew I was wearing a diaper, but I didn't know how I felt about either Josh or Abbie having to change me. Angie started unhooking me from the computer, then grabbed the I.V. pole I was attached to, "Do you want to walk, or do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?" I looked at her then pointed to floor. "Walk?" I nodded. "Okay Abbie can you walk behind her just in case she starts to fall, don't walk to close though she may freak out" I saw Abbie nod then she approached the bed, I climbed down from the bed.

I could sense Abbie following me, I was trying so hard not to pay attention to her and was focusing on putting one foot in front of another so that I could get to the bathroom on the other side of the room. Once I slowly made it over to the bathroom. Angie knelt down next to me and looked me up and down "we can either leave the room but leave the door open or we can stay in here with you, either way I will need to help you take off your diaper and move the I.V. pole so that the I.V. doesn't pull out. Which one do you feel more comfortable with?" I looked down at the floor and thought about it, didn't really seem to be an easy way for me, but I didn't really want to stay in the room with me, so I pointed out the door. "You want us to wait outside the bathroom for you?" I nodded "Okay, so ill un tape the diaper for you, move you closer to the toilet and set the stool right in front of the toilet for you, then we will go stand outside the bathroom, okay?" I nodded again and closed my eyes briefly; I wish I had brought teddy to cuddle but I'd left him on the bed.