Soul Ties

Chapter 28 [ Never Again ]

Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.

Ziana
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Word Count: 5723

I lean over the massive sink in front of me, squinting my eyes as tight as I possibly can. I suck in a deep breath and then blow it back out as my stomach twists inside me.

"Jesus Have mercy..." i groan as my leg begins to shake beneath me, pregnancy would be a lot easier without these cramps.

I increase the volume on my phone, Since I couldn't make pastor Davis's event the other day i assumed that the bare minimum i could do is start listening to the man online.

His sermons are extremely powerful. The guy doesn't know the definition of softening his words for nobody. I grip hard onto the counter as my baby plays jump rope with my guts.

I cant help but let out a shout of agony, my Heart pounding more than before. Im almost 14 weeks pregnant and cannot stand the idea of having to face this any longer.

"Are you really what you say you are? Or are you trying to be what God said you are? Theres a line of people who have a definition of what they think God wants them to be. Impeccable Perfect, Flawless.. but in fact, God picked you despite your flaws. He called you a chosen generation regardless of your imperfections. God isn't looking for perfection, he is asking for efforts."

I breath heavy in and out as the words of Pastor davis bring so much understanding. There's so many times i have thought that every time i messed up in my walk God was disappointed with me or done with me..

Little did i know it was only the start of it.

"Trust in the plan that God has for you. Thats what true submission to Christ is, Knowing that you dont have a single idea where you are going but you trust That God knows the route by heart. No map needed-"

I feel the last crippling cramp overwhelm me before i lift my head up and stare at the mess in front of the mirror. Half my braids randomly scattered around the bathroom floor, one half of my hair is in a messy bun and the other half still braided.

What was I thinking taking these out today of all days? I groan..

Detangling Combs and hair products all around the place, no makeup and an oversized Baby blue shirt on thats already been coated with the mixture of dry gel and dirt that fell from my hair.

The life of a black woman...

What did you do... why did you let him manipulate you like that? Why didn't you notice the signs.

An internal voice tells me, i sigh at its common appearance.

What if my baby comes out looking like deon? What will i even tell her about her dad? How do i even tell her that her father is an...

My stomach grumbles like I'm about to vomit from the thought of it alone. My poor baby girl. How much she's going to have to suffer.

What if romans a better father than deon. Everyones a better father than him. But I don't want him to be involved with me or my child like that. Its hard enough as it is..