Soul Ties

Chapter 49 [ I love you always... ]

Ecclesiastes 2:24

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God,

Roman
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Word Count: 4329

I sneak in behind her, Her hair tied up behind her head as she sits down painting on the floor yet again. I squint my eyes looking at what her brush has found interest in now..

My goodness... her talent is indescribable. It looks like a hyper realistic painting of a darker skin woman staring into a mirror. Every scar on her body outlined perfectly. Her afro taking over most of the canvas and her droopy eyes falling down to her frowny lips.

She surrounds herself in what looks like a broken down grey bathroom full of pills and drugs and misery. It only makes me want to know more...

She jumps a bit when i creep beside her, i take a seat behind her, her back touching my front as i wrap my arms around her and watch her do what she's best at.

"What's this one about then?" I ask her gently watching her swipe a dark shade of blue across the canvas.

"Tell me what you think it's about and I'll tell you how close you are." She teases before going back to humming the lauryn hill song whispering in the background.

I take a closer look at the painting,

"It looks like a woman.. broken down in her own self wallowing. She's tired, she's just about ready to give up with herself, half the way on letting herself go completely. All she needs is that one thing to happen before she ends it all." Ziana looks back at me with unreadable eyes.

"I was that wrong huh?" I smirk but she bit her lip and turned back to her front away from my face. She swishes her brush in the container of water dabbing it on a towel.

"To me... she's a girl who was just about to end it all, ready to be gone forever. No hope in sight, but she looks at herself in the mirror and realises there might just be something worth fighting for." She says lowly, dipping her paintbrush into another colour.

"It's all about perspective. This is why i love art, in some sense its a form of therapy. It shows you how you feel, what you think about her can reflect how you feel internally." Hearing her speak so passionately on what she loves does something to me...

"To me, this is a redemption story but to you this is a story of no hope. Its all about perspective."

"Are you trying to say I'm depressed?" Her giggle was short but not short enough for me not to catch it.

"No. Im just saying there may be something you're hiding in there that needs to come out." I kept silent, i hate speaking about my emotions and my feelings it makes me feel weak, I've done enough of that now.

"Okay... let me go first then." She starts, biting her lip as she carefully swipes the brush onto a section of the canvas,

"I don't think I'm ready to be a mother..." i try to hide any reaction as she looks back at me, looking for any type of judgement.

"Im hearing you." She takes a deep breath out, dropping her brush she leans back into my chest staring into the ceiling.

"I love my baby girl, i love her already. And i trust that God has allowed this all to happen for a greater reason as hard of a pill as that is to swallow i trust God. But i... i just don't know if I'm ready." My hands rub her arms as she confides in me.