Your Struggles is What Creates Your Depth

FOR ME.--

(February 14th,2023)
Was it always like this?
The cold,empty nothing less
They ask me what gives me hope
I say nothing

They say, what about her?
She needs someone who doesn't feel like the world is caving in
Plus with all this stress she's gonna loose me even if I fucking stay here

I'm tired of fighting, I wake up look in the mirror and am watching myself die
Yet you hold up the sun expecting it to just disappear
I drown out my pain in anyway I can right now
Maybe I have been for awhile now
Because I can't remember the last night I was sober
Last day I was sober, last afternoon
Last anything
I'm fighting myself to not take every arsenal in my cabinets that scream at me and whisper knowing peace is on the other side
I failed everything, I promised the world and I keep fucking it up
I promised I'd never be my parents but yet understand the way my dad drowns everything out
My mother with maybe five to ten years maybe less will out live me at this point
No one gets when I say I'm Atlas and I'm literally holding up the sky from crushing me on a fucking daily basis
People act like they know everything
When my first love died I wanted to look into his coffin and jump in when no one else was looking
Confess all the guilt until we were bones forever
But he was burned instead
Not even a cold goodbye was warranted
And his casket looked too small...
I've been trying to save the burning world around me not realizing that I'm the one that is holding the match to myself
Overflowing my cup until I water everyone around me
I want it to shut the fuck up
Everything
I want to feel nothing, nothing less
If I finally feel that
Let her know I tried my best
And kiss her and tell her I loved everything about her until my dying breath
Tell her that pain isn't temporary but it's worth feeling
Tell her I love you, when she's doubts herself
Tell her, it's not dramatic to have feelings even if they overwhelm everyone around her
Tell her that one No is always enough, setting boundaries are to never go past that
Tell her that she matters when she feels like the world doesn't
Tell her the battle inside her head is always worth fighting for, fight it first before you help theirs
Tell her everything will be alright and hold her tight so she doesn't break
Tell her love is never supposed to be conditional
Tell her just in case
Okay?
For me?...