CRASH.--

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(May 16th,2023)
It's taking everything in me
Not to take my new car and visit that tree
Maybe get it right this time
Take the seat belt out so this time there's absolutely nothing physically left of me
The same way there's nothing left in every way else
I spend my days lying
Wishing I could explain that after everything this pain just won't go away this time
There's nothing anyone can say anymore
I hate it
Hate everything that tells me it's easier gone
Than it is to stay
Whispers that I keep repeating old mistakes
I carry the same baggage I told everyone I dropped off a Cliff and waved goodbye to
Maybe the last final moments in my life will matter
Because missing so many and feeling this awful ache that causes my breathing to cease
To take that away would be freeing
I don't wanna crash but I definitely want to unbuckle this grief's seatbelt and have it leave nothing behind

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