Morana Barnes: Murderous Love

33. May Barnes

November 17th, 2022 6:15 pm

Regret:

Sitting there in his chair I stared at the paper in front of me. I hadn't been able to focus on anything in two days. Since Morana pushed me away. She was warranted in her anger but it still hurt. I didn't prepare for the fact that Morana may not have wanted to deal with me at all anymore. I heard a sigh from behind me before shuffling was heard. "What's going on?"

"Huh?" I asked, responding to the sound of Jace's concern.

"What's going on? Why have you been looking so sad the last two days?"

"I-it's nothing. I just have a lot on my mind," I didn't want to talk about it. Thinking about it was enough for me.

"It's Morana isn't it? I told you, you need to talk to her. You know you miss her May, why are you putting yourself through this?"

"I did talk to her!" I blurted, tears immediately forming in my eyes. "I did, I went to speak to her, to reconcile but she turned me away. She doesn't want anything to do with me,"

He stood up and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. My tears flowed down my face and my bottom lip trembled. Two months. For two months I hadn't tried to speak to Morana even when I did miss her and now it was too late. I had damaged our relationship beyond repair I feared. "That's not true May, she's just....she's just angry because of how long it took. Just give it a little more time and then try again, okay?"

"And if she still doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Then you try one last time. She can't stay mad at you forever May. it's not even your fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have made it seem like that,"

You chose him. I didn't realize that at the moment that's what it looked like. Like I chose Jace over her. In hindsight, it did seem like that. I didn't let her explain anything, I just burst in there telling her off, and then walked out. I ignored her calls, avoided her anytime she was at our parent's house and cast her away. The regret and guilt that wracked my body at the thoughts made a fresh wave of tears fall down my cheeks. I couldn't believe I did that to her, acted like that toward her.

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Then it's her who is at fault. You've tried. It might have taken you a little while but at least you tried,"

"She tried to, more than three times and I pushed her away,"

"It happens to the best of us."

Now looking back on it, I realized I didn't know much about Jace's family life. He never talked about it and never seemed to want to talk about it, if it was ever brought up. Maybe he was used to this kind of thing and eventually he and his family made up. It seemed that way. He just held me there, keeping me company as I dealt with my emotions.

Jace was good at this, keeping me sane when I was spiraling out of control. I found myself smiling, my head tilting back to look up at him. He looked down at me, a smile appearing on his lips before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. He grounded me and made me feel at peace. I'll take his advice and simply hope for the best. If Morana doesn't come around at least Jace will be there for me.