Morana Barnes: Murderous Love

48. Morana Barnes

January 31st, 2023 7:26 am

Getting it Right:

It's been five weeks since May's funeral and I stopped going to work. I just couldn't be there and look at everyone as they stared at me with sympathy and pity so I resigned. I just needed to go somewhere else and get a fresh start. I didn't want to stay and always have to deal with the fact that my sister wasn't here and everyone will always remember me as the cop who'd lost her sister to a murderer.

I'd always get sympathy from people and I didn't want it. I couldn't handle it which is why I shut everyone out and stayed inside the house but I couldn't do that anymore. I had to get it right and do better. Get better. I put one of the boxes in the Uhaul truck and stopped to take a small break. Logan and Nicole came out with boxes and put them in the truck. They looked at me and sadness filled their eyes. "You're leaving us," Nicole said.

"Yeah, well, I just need a fresh start. I need a clean slate. Staying here, I'll never get over what happened to May. Every day on the way to work, I'll have to dive past her house. I won't be able to tell myself to take another route. I still have some of her stuff and I think that's all the memory I need. I don't need people who know her always staring at me with sad looks, I just don't like it. I just want to go and see what's out there for me. Just live life without policing and..."

Being a detective was everything to me. I loved my job with a passion but I could feel how that passion has been lost since I lost May. Since I took too long to bring down Jace. I needed time to see if that was something I wanted to go on with or if I'll find a new passion and move on. Sometimes I felt like it was my fault for May's death.

It was an unfair way of thinking for me since I didn't know but I knew there was something off about Jace and I felt like maybe I should've done more. I don't know...I just...I sighed and looked back to the two people in front of me, trying not to lose my mind with the route my brain was going. "You'll come to visit right?" Logan asked.

"Of course, I mean, my parents are here, my friends are here but I need something outside of all that,"

"We're gonna hold you to that," Nicole said.

As I stood there I realized there was one more thing I needed to do. "Well, let's get this stuff packed because there's one more thing I need to do,"

"Alright,"

We finished emptying my house and then I closed the Uhaul door. I was about to get in the car when Nicole stopped me. "Morana be careful out there," there was a concern on her face that I appreciated but wanted to get rid of.

I smiled at her and pulled her into a hug. "I will,"

****

I sat there as he emerged. He looked rough, more than rough. He sat down and I examined him. He had two black eyes and a busted lip. His cheek looked bruised and after seeing all the pain he clearly was being given I couldn't bring myself to care as much as I thought I would. Five weeks ago the sight of him like this would've brought joy to my heart but now, I felt nothing. He sat down in front of me and I watched as he took a deep breath. "What happened to you?" I asked.

"You actually care?"

"No, but I still wanna know what happened,"

"Ran into a victim's brother. Had the guards not come, you wouldn't be visiting me right now,"

"Would you look that,"

"I thought you'd be happier at the sound of that,"

"I thought I would be too but that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to tell you I hate you and I hope you rot in hell because I'm pretty sure you already know that. I'm not here to forgive you. I just wanna know something," I paused. The question I was about to ask caused my chest to hurt reminding me of the pain I dealt with during my grieving. "Did you really love her?" I asked.

He paused, frozen for a moment, my question catching him off guard. "Chaset told me. She told me how you were planning to kill May but didn't. Why? What changed your mind?"

"I don't know. I had never been face-to-face with her before then so when I bumped into her and saw her I just..." he stopped, releasing a shaky breath. "To answer your question, yes. I really did love May and I didn't mean to kill her. I swear I didn't,"

"There's nothing you can say to make me believe that. I know May well enough that she wouldn't have loved you through that and I know enough about you to know that you know that too which is why you held her a gunpoint, so she wouldn't run. So, you could convince her to run away with you but you and I both knew that it would've been a futile effort,"

I was right. The look on his face confirmed it but I could tell it wasn't something he wanted to admit to himself. "She died scared. She died feeling guilty. She died with a broken heart because of you. Now tell me, Jace, does that sound like you loved her?"

"I did love her, Morana. I guess it was just a fatal attraction. A murderous love."

I stared at him as tears swam in his eyes while thinking about my sister and nodded. It was a murderous love indeed. I stood up and walked out of the room leaving him there. I was off to a new place and needed to have that conversation with him in order to get finally get rid of one last piece that I knew would linger if I hadn't. Anger. Any anger that resided was because of him and I realized now, that it was gone. Now, I could live my life. Start over and hopefully find some happiness along the way.