The Wallflower of Parkview High

Chapter Twenty Seven

After what had happened this morning at PE between me and Zander, I was starting to become very confused about the many things taking over my brain. However, the thing I was the most confused about were my feelings towards Zander. It was as if there were two different sides to him and I worried couldn't help but worry what that might mean for me, him and our possible future interactions (if we ever had any that is).

On one hand, there was this side to him that annoyed me to the extreme no matter how much I told him to stop, as if he thrived on and found pleasure in annoying me. I'm pretty sure he knew from that time his tennis ball hit me on my forehead that I hated it when people threw things around my line of sight. Yet, he hadn't't said a word when he and Will had thrown it around and made all that water splash on me and Alicia. There was also the fact that he laughs at me and makes fun of me whenever I attempt any sort of sport or anything physically related for that matter. I also still didn't forget the amused smile that was tugging at his lips the time he and his friends humiliated me and made me shoot some hoops knowing very well that I was hopeless.

Then on the other hand there was this side to him that was actually nice, encouraging and even a bit caring. I still remember to this day the time I fell flat on my face the first and only other time I partnered up with him to run in the park and he had helped me up and brought me to Mr. Greene. There was also that time that he had offered to take me to the nurse after the tennis ball collided with my forehead. Even if I didn't really show it at that time, I had to admit that I kind of appreciated his offer. Oh and that fabulous sketchbook he had given me. How could I completely hate him after that? In fact, the more I thought about those things he had done for me, the more my hatred for him fizzled away, despite it being in little bits at a time.

However, my recounting of the things he had done for and to me caused another thought to pop up in my mind.

If Damien said that Zander was "using me" and ¨taking advantage of me¨then why was Zander acting like this towards me? If he was using me, then he probably wouldn't have acted so nice those times and probably wouldn't have given me that sketchbook.

Unless...

Was this his way of using me? Was he trying to lure me in with all this niceness, (sort of) friendliness and expensive gifts? Was it possible that during all these moments and maybe future moments to come, he was waiting for the time I put my full trust in him so that he could finally pounce and make his move? If that was the case, then it sure was working.

However, that changed my question to was he really using me? Maybe he was genuinely being this way to me and it wasn't some grand scheme of his.

Then there was Damien, who said that yes, he was taking advantage of me. Why did he think that? Had he seen Zander be nice to me earlier on and decide to tell me that he was using me and taking advantage of me?

No, there was no way he could do that. Damien is a nice person, overall. I thought.

Or...was it the other way around? Was Zander perhaps being so nice to me lately so that he could lure me away from Damien? As I thought back to those times that Zander was nice to me, it seemed that most of them were after he had started to argue with Damien about god knows what. Was he jealous at the time that I seemed to be getting along much more well with Damien rather than him? Is that why he started being so nice? Or was it just his natural instincts kicking in?

Oh god... I whispered, leaning against my pillows, hugging George to my chest and closing my eyes. This was all too much for me to handle and I just wished right now that I could erase this all from my mind. I wished that I had never even gotten involved in this. I wished that I had never crossed paths with Zander or Damien. I wished that I never even attended Parkview High. I wished that Mom and Dad had never divorced and that Dad never lost his job which was why we had to move here in the first place. Why I had to attend that school with the two people who are the main subjects of my dreams, daydreams and nightmares and consumed 75% of my thoughts.

Maybe I could ask Dad if I could stop attending Parkview High and go to another school nearby that didn't have people who constantly argued. Or maybe, if that doesn't work, I could just lay here with my eyes closed until I melted into a puddle of nothingness.

As I was debating about what to do, my phone dinged, signaling I got a notification. Sighing to myself, I rolled over and grabbed my phone from my bedside table. Squinting at the screen, I saw that Damien had sent me a text notification. Not wanting to talk to him right now, I turned my phone off and was about to set it back on my bedside table when the screen lit up again, two more text notifications flashing across the screen. I bit my lip and with a bit of hesitation, clicked on the notifications, wondering what the hell he wanted. As soon as I got to the screen with all of our past conversations, I was met with a slew of angry texts.

D: Noah, we need to talk

D: Now.

D: This is very important.

I stared at his texts for a minute, thinking over what he may want to talk to me about. Was it something that had to do with that argument between him and Zander? Taking a deep breath, I texted him back:

N: What do you want to talk about?

He replied almost immediately.

D: I know you talked to Zander in PE this morning.

N: What?!

N: How do you know?

D: I have language arts class with him and he was busy laughing about how he ran with you, how your face was all red and how you have a crush on some unknown guy.

N: He what?!

I just stared at my phone screen for a good minute or two not believing what Damien had just texted me. How could Zander be so insensitive?!

D: I know, it's very annoying.

N: Did he really say all that stuff?

D: Yep, I heard it clearly from two seats away.

N:...

Right then and there, I felt a knot form in my stomach. Just as I was starting to have hope for the somewhat complicated relationship between Zander and I, he had to go and rant out loud about my red face and my crush on this guy I described that doesn't even exist. I was hoping that he would be smart enough to at least keep the crush part a secret, but no, he hadn't't.

D: He seemed quite happy about it too.

N:...

D: Are you okay?

N:...

N: I need to go.

Not even waiting for Damien's response, I turned off my phone, set it back on my bedside table and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the growing pains in my stomach. Just as I was starting to at least trust Zander, just as I was starting to warm up to him, he had to go and do this of all things, probably knowing very well that it would embarrass me.

It was as if he was acting like he did towards me on my first days at Parkview High, except even worse.