The Wallflower of Parkview High

Chapter Thirty Two

​​​​​Have you ever had a moment in your life that you thought was unreal? That at any second, you would open your eyes and it would all disappear and you would come back to reality where everything seemed so bleak in comparison?

That's how I felt right now as I sat in Dad's car, thinking over what had just happened. It was as if I was floating on a cloud. A very fluffy one too, where I was sitting, drinking a large glass of strawberry lemonade, surrounded by George, my sketchbook, my phone and all of my other favorite things. Sitting on that cloud made me feel as if nothing - not even my horrible athletic abilities or the fact that I was in the middle of this debacle - could get to me now, upset me and lower my self confidence.

After all, Zander had just held my hand.

Zander. Had. Just. Held. My. Hand.

"Noah?"

"Noah."

"Noah!!"

As soon as Dad spoke, I felt my little cloud of happiness disappear, slowly dissolving away until there was nothing there. It was as if a needle had pierced my thoughts, dragging me back to reality, where negative thoughts attacked me from all directions, hissing in my ear.

God, Noah, you're so stupid! Do you really think he cares about you?

He said that he visited you because he was bored, not because he cared for you.

You're getting yourself worked up over nothing.

I grunted and lifted my head from where I was resting it on the side of the car door. I turned to see Dad looking at me, probably not caring that he interrupted my mindless staring out the windows.

"Noah, we're home." Dad told me, opening the car door and grabbing his keys off of the center console. I sighed and mumbled to myself as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

"Is something wrong?" Dad asked. I just grunted again and opened the car door.

"Don't worry, as soon as we get in the house, you can go straight up to your room and rest until dinner." Dad reassured me.

"It's not that." I blurted out. As soon as those words escaped my mouth, I instantly regretted it. Being the stupid person I was, I just had to say that. I wished I just agreed with Dad about why I felt like this, but I just had to say this of all things. Now Dad was probably going to question what in the world made me feel like this.

"If you're not feeling this way because you fainted, then what happened?" Dad asked, only confirming my guesses. I sighed and shoved my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, averting my eyes from him. Where do I even begin?

First of all was the way that Zander had acted in the nurse's office. I was still confused about whether he actually cared about me enough to visit me in the office or not. When I asked him why he was there, he said that he came to visit me because he was bored and was looking for something to do, not because he particularly cared about me in any way. However, the way he acted definitely said otherwise. The way he had rushed into the nurse's office like he had just run a marathon demanding if I was okay. The way he had grabbed my hand and asked what was wrong with me. Oh, and how could I forget that small glimpse of worry in his eyes? I swore when I looked at him, I saw something in there and even if it was small, it still meant a lot to me.

But why, if he seemed so clearly worried about me to some degree, did he not want to admit so? It was as if he was embarrassed and used his "I visited you because I was bored and had nothing to do'' explanation as a cover up to why he was really visiting me. Would his friends laugh at him because he went to the office because he really cared about me? Did he not even want to be associated with me?