Losing you ; Joel Miller

xiii. Mourning the ones we've lost

Warnings: mentions of death, drug abuse, and addiction.

Hold on to your hats people, this chapter is an emotional rollercoaster

[2013]
EDEN

     Taking a drag of the cigarette between her lips, Eden hummed, feeling content. The summer sun was setting as she sat on the old rocking bench outside, watching the sky shift into a pretty pink. " Hey sunshine" she greeted Joel with the new nickname she had come up with a few days ago as he stepped onto the patio.

     Initially the plan was for Joel to follow her to the safe house, drop her off and go back. But when the sun started to set that day, Eden came up with the lame excuse that he should sleep over and leave at dawn instead, wanting him to stay for a bit longer. And when morning came, Joel decided that he was going to help her settle in and with that, bought them more time.

     So here they were, a week later, in the house Eden had begun to call home, both waiting for one of them to have the guts to come up with another lame reason for Joel to stay. The man sat himself next to her, letting the blonde rest her legs over his lap. He took the cigarette from her fingers, taking a drag before handing it back. " You smoke?" The question was asked after he exhaled, his dark eyes meeting her.

     Eden smiled, pressing the cigarette between her lips. " Started in university, haven't had a cigarette in ten years though."

     " What did you study?" Joel asked, thumb smoothing over the pale skin by her ankle. " Biology... was going to begin my PHD in marine biology before everything went to shit." The brunet hummed, gaze fixated on the creek by the house," I almost forgot how smart you are..." he chuckled out, head shaking as he looked over at her. Eden was still nursing her cigarette, the sunset casting beautiful shades of orange.

     " Did I ever tell you I had a brother?" Eden asked softly, not once looking at him, Joel answered by shaking his head. " He was my best friend... seven years older than me, I used to follow him around like a lost puppy" she chuckled, taking another puff from the cigarette. " I've had trouble speaking since I was a toddler, they think it was an anxiety thing, I refused to speak in front of anyone... except him."

     " Back then, I thought he was invincible, he was so confident and brave... I never noticed how much pain he was in." Eden exhaled, eyes darting to fixate on the old wooden planks.

" He was the oldest son in the Francis family, owners of the largest oil empire in the world, my father was CEO, and before him it was his father, and so on... He had the weight of the world on his shoulders, he was my father's protégé, his successor, next in line to operate a multibillion dollar business when my father decides to retire." Joel started at Eden with shock, he had known about the Francis family, they were probably the most influential people in the world, but he had never heard about Howard Francis having a daughter.

" I didn't... I didn't know Howard Francis had a daughter" He mumbled out, Eden scoffed, the memories of how her father treated her still stung. " I'm not shocked you didn't know, he didn't exactly want people to know about me" the statement made Joel's eyebrows furrow. " I was his anxious, socially inept, selectively mute daughter that couldn't even speak to him, he found it embarrassing."

" My whole childhood consisted of him trying to make me speak, he put me in therapy sessions, had me be homeschooled, made me take archery lessons to become more confident, meanwhile, all I ever wanted was for him to love me... but he couldn't give me that" Eden huffed, taking one last drag before putting the cigarette out.

" My brother and I lived under the same roof for eleven years, yet we had totally different childhood experiences. I was always home, I had no friends, I spent most of my youth being raised by staff members instead of my parents, they didn't care what I ended up doing, it wasn't important to them. While Isaac was forced to attend galas and charity events, he went to an actual school, had real friends, had to cope with the pressure of our father's eyes constantly being on him, dictating his life..." Joel watched as Eden fell silent, her eyes trickling with tears as she looked down at her fingers.

" It's why he got into drugs... he was- he was trying to escape the pressure my father put on him, I guess it gave him a sense of relief, maybe for once in his life he felt like he was choosing something himself... something that ended up killing him."

The pair sat in silence on the rocking bench, watching the sun disappear beneath the trees, sky painted in hues of red and orange. " I had a daughter once... before everything happened" Joel whispered, not trusting his voice. " She was- uh, she was twelve." Eden quietly listened as she moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. " Sarah, her name was Sarah... and she was amazing, you would've loved her" Joel intertwined their fingers, squeezing Eden's hand for reassurance. " I'm sure she would've loved you too, she was too smart for her own good, probably the kindest person I've ever met, I raised her myself... it was just us against the world."

     " When she... when she died, I felt as though a part of me died with her, I was so angry... I felt like I had betrayed her, because I failed to protect her..." Joel's eyes moved towards the broken clock on his wrist, heart aching as he thought about her. Eden's fingers gently moved over his wrist, drawing invisible words on his skin, it comforted him, kept him from losing himself. " I hated myself for so long... hated the world for taking her away from me, but then I met you... and-" Joel went silent, taking in a shaky breath before continuing, " I started hating myself a little less... you gave me a reason to continue going, made me forget all of the shit I've done."

     Eden looked up, hazel eyes filled with tears at his confession. " I don't think I could handle something happening to you, I don't think my heart could handle that-" he went silent as he felt her lips on his.

     She kissed him, he pulled her closer, they were both crying, melting together into one as the sun fully disappeared below the horizon. When Eden pulled away, she was straddling his lap, fingers woven into his dark curly hair as she pressed her forehead against his. " You make me want to become a better person" he whispered, dark eyes looking up at hers with nothing but love.

     Her smile was raw and genuine, tears spilling down her cheeks as she traced her fingers across his beard. " I love you" she signed, before pulling him close and kissing him again.

honey is typing...
This is probably my favourite chapter that I've written so far

So, how are we feeling emotionally, mentally, physically (??) I somehow managed to break my own heart with this one :') hopefully I didn't cause too much pain

Votes and comments are appreciated <3 thank you for 500 reads!